Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fed up of my dh noise cancelling headphones

173 replies

Allthedays1 · 15/04/2026 18:32

He has them in alot. He will come home from work, chat for 15 minutes if that then block everyone out and watch YouTube with them in. I will be in the shower and the youngest will come and get me if she wants something even if he's in the room with her. It's doing my head in. I get he talks all day at work but we still exist. At the weekend I watch no TV unless kids are in bed or watch with them. He just sits with the headphones in for hours watching on his tablet
Today our child had a problem at school. Dh had his hoodie up in the kitchen, I started talking to him about it and then son says "mum he can't hear you he's got his headphones in". I'm going to work in a bit so it's not like I can tell him later. Please tell me I'm not the only one with a dh like this

OP posts:
Duckyfondant · 15/04/2026 20:10

I think the ear phones are a red herring. It's the excessive use of personal technology that's the problem

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/04/2026 20:13

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 19:19

I voted YABU because I am your DH.

I’ll have my headphones on any chance I get.

I am exhausted after work and the only thing that gives me the energy to cook and clean is having my headphones in listening to an audiobook or music.

I don’t understand why some people (and it’s generally women) have to constantly talk.

I will absolutely pause it if my DC wants to speak to me but it sounds like your DH does do this.

I think as you all know he uses headphones, making sure he’s listening before you start talking is a good idea.

Like the issue with school - I would have got his attention and he should have paused his phone and gave you and his child his full attention until a solution had been found.
Then he can go back to what he was doing.

It does sound like you constantly want to talk.
You say your parents had the TV on but you could still talk over it - that would drive me mad if I was trying to watch something and people were talking.

But the kids aren’t bothering to try and get his attention at all. They’re just bypassing him for the OP because they know he’s basically there in body only.

I agree that it’s bloody annoying when someone tries to talk to me whilst I’m watching something. However, if I’m permanently watching or listening to something, when are they meant to speak to me? If I don’t want to be interrupted, I wait until my kids are asleep or I’m home alone.

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 20:19

Flamingojune · 15/04/2026 20:09

If youre part of a family you should be part of it

Show quote history

So you’ve never watched a TV programme unless everyone else wants to watch it too, you’ve never read a book whilst other people have been awake, you’ve never talked on the phone to a friend or family member whilst your family has been home?

Its ok to do things for yourself whilst your kids do other things by themselves, with each other or with the other parent.

If OP started a thread saying she’d like to go and read her book in the evenings but her DH is annoyed because he thinks she should be downstairs giving him her full attention - would you seriously say she’s in the wrong and DH is in the right?

Livpool · 15/04/2026 20:21

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 20:19

So you’ve never watched a TV programme unless everyone else wants to watch it too, you’ve never read a book whilst other people have been awake, you’ve never talked on the phone to a friend or family member whilst your family has been home?

Its ok to do things for yourself whilst your kids do other things by themselves, with each other or with the other parent.

If OP started a thread saying she’d like to go and read her book in the evenings but her DH is annoyed because he thinks she should be downstairs giving him her full attention - would you seriously say she’s in the wrong and DH is in the right?

Show quote history

That’s completely different. You don’t become unable to hear when you are reading a book. It’s so rude to constantly wear earphones.

Blueberrymuffin8 · 15/04/2026 20:24

You say he has a headache. How do you know?

MagnusCanis · 15/04/2026 20:24

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 20:19

So you’ve never watched a TV programme unless everyone else wants to watch it too, you’ve never read a book whilst other people have been awake, you’ve never talked on the phone to a friend or family member whilst your family has been home?

Its ok to do things for yourself whilst your kids do other things by themselves, with each other or with the other parent.

If OP started a thread saying she’d like to go and read her book in the evenings but her DH is annoyed because he thinks she should be downstairs giving him her full attention - would you seriously say she’s in the wrong and DH is in the right?

Show quote history

You accused the OP of constantly wanting to talk, which doesn't come across at all TBH, but in your own post you come across as constantly wanting to be inaccessible.

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 20:24

Livpool · 15/04/2026 20:21

That’s completely different. You don’t become unable to hear when you are reading a book. It’s so rude to constantly wear earphones.

Show quote history

But unless it’s important, why are people constantly interrupting you if they know you’re reading a book?

It sounds like your DH and DC don’t allow you to read your book without constantly needing your attention, which I would think was rude and disrespectful, especially of your DH.

Listlostlast · 15/04/2026 20:27

wtf? No, my husband is nothingggg like that, thank goodness, how rude!! I’d be absolutely laying the law down here, a bit here and there is one thing but he’s basically just opting out of family life altogether!

Riapia · 15/04/2026 20:53

What is it about a man wearing a hoodie and headphones that you find so attractive that you can’t possibly imagine living without him.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/04/2026 21:08

So he's checked out of your family life beyond the basic hello and goodbye. Sounds like it's needs to be just goodbye.

You need a proper chat about why and the effects it's having. If he can't cope with family life, he needs to move out.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/04/2026 21:11

OneNewEagle · 15/04/2026 19:07

Btw if we had kids and he was doing this I’d have left.

Why will you put up with this crap when it's only you he doesn't care about and is disrespectful towards? Why aren't you worth more NOW without kids?

BauhausOfEliott · 15/04/2026 21:20

Allthedays1 · 15/04/2026 18:45

I've mentioned it before and he says "I can't hear my program otherwise" he does it when he is doing something like washing up, making food etc but I find it so rude it just blocks free flow talk. As a kid my parents had the TV on all the time but it felt less intrusive because they could still hear us.

Show quote history

he does it when he is doing something like washing up, making food

I think if he sits there literally all the time with headphones in, it’s rude. But I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to listen to something while you’re doing a boring household chore. I always listen to audiobooks or podcasts while I’m cleaning, tidying, gardening etc and I generally use headphones for that because obviously my partner wouldn’’t want to listen to my audiobook.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/04/2026 21:22

deserthighway · 15/04/2026 18:44

On no account whatsoever would I accept that behaviour and I accepted A LOT of crappy behaviour (before divorce)

I swear I would smash every pair he brought into the house. Tell him to put them away or you'll smash them.

I presume you don’t mean that literally? Because he would be well within his rights to smash the OP’s things in that situation. What would it achieve?

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/04/2026 21:28

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 20:19

So you’ve never watched a TV programme unless everyone else wants to watch it too, you’ve never read a book whilst other people have been awake, you’ve never talked on the phone to a friend or family member whilst your family has been home?

Its ok to do things for yourself whilst your kids do other things by themselves, with each other or with the other parent.

If OP started a thread saying she’d like to go and read her book in the evenings but her DH is annoyed because he thinks she should be downstairs giving him her full attention - would you seriously say she’s in the wrong and DH is in the right?

Show quote history

So you’ve never watched a TV programme unless everyone else wants to watch it too, you’ve never read a book whilst other people have been awake, you’ve never talked on the phone to a friend or family member whilst your family has been home?

You know damned well that all your examples above are fucking normal but that cutting oneself off from spouse and children with headphones for great lengths of time is not.

Sasha07 · 15/04/2026 21:33

My partner doesn't but me and the teenagers do. I love an audiobook when doing the housework as I'm always here, there and everywhere and it makes hoovering less boring. But... If someone comes into the room I'm in, I take one of the earbuds out or ask them to pause my phone if it's not near me. Even if they're just pottering about I still want to feel like I'm there to listen if they want to talk. My teenagers are the same, they have them on but if they come to the same room as me/see me going into their room, they pop them round their necks.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who makes me feel like I'm intruding on them. Who makes me feel like they're in their own world while life goes on without them. Even my teens have respect to other people around them, what's a few mins pause to acknowledge family members, nope, being closed off constantly, it wouldn't work for me.

HJBeans · 15/04/2026 21:38

Mine does and it is annoying. I find it depressing the whole family has their own soundscape and entertainment and we’re rarely actually together in terms of our focus. I asked him to stop and now I listen to a lot of podcasts about things I’m not interested in.

ThePoliteLion · 15/04/2026 21:40

I’m with you OP. My DH uses them a fair bit during the evening and I don’t like it.

Orangebadger · 15/04/2026 21:42

This is totally unacceptable! He’s created a family with you so he needs to be part of it and do his share. This is just an easy way to shirk all responsibility at home!

I get we all need some space, I imagine including you. I get this my going to our bedroom with a cuppa and a book for maybe 30-60 min. I might do that once or twice a week as I just need that time. But to constantly wear headphone and basically make yourself totally unavailable all the time is absolutely unacceptable and certainly not normal. I know no one other than teenagers that would do this and if my teen behaved like that I would be fuming! It’s also totally disrespectful and really what is this teaching your children ?

Pinkflamingo10 · 15/04/2026 21:45

What the actual fuck have I just read ?!!
How on earth are you putting up with this? He’s basically checked out of family life. He’s acting like he doesn’t even like any of you ?!

fabstraction · 15/04/2026 21:49

I'd be annoyed if he did it all the time, but when he's doing dishes or cooking, I think that's fair enough unless you're doing it together. Some chores are mind-numbingly boring, and being able to listen to something helps make it better. I don't want the volume up loud for everyone to hear because that wouldn't be polite, and sometimes what I'm listening to is just for me (music or other content others in the house might not like and I don't want to be judged for listening to).

I think you both need to compromise.

Firesidechatter · 15/04/2026 21:53

Can you get him ear buds. My husband loves those crappy videos but he has apple ear buds and they are set so any noise or talking stops whay he’s listening to , it auto pauses, and he also uses one a lot of the time, so he can hear if I speak to him. He never has them set to noise cancelling.

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 21:54

BauhausOfEliott · 15/04/2026 21:20

he does it when he is doing something like washing up, making food

I think if he sits there literally all the time with headphones in, it’s rude. But I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to listen to something while you’re doing a boring household chore. I always listen to audiobooks or podcasts while I’m cleaning, tidying, gardening etc and I generally use headphones for that because obviously my partner wouldn’’t want to listen to my audiobook.

Show quote history

Exactly!

OP says he uses it mainly when doing cooking and cleaning etc and he pauses it if someone wants to talk to him.

Feralbookworm · 15/04/2026 21:56

I honestly think that’s the height of ignorance I would be so annoyed. He’s literally doing it knowing full well he’s ignoring everyone.

The very odd time I’m listening to an audio book I’ll say guys I’m putting my headphones in if you need me come into the kitchen or I won’t hear you etc etc plus surely he could turn the noise cancelling feature off like you can on a lot of headphones? So he can still listen to whatever he is listening to but if someone’s speaking he can hear you?

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 21:57

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/04/2026 21:28

So you’ve never watched a TV programme unless everyone else wants to watch it too, you’ve never read a book whilst other people have been awake, you’ve never talked on the phone to a friend or family member whilst your family has been home?

You know damned well that all your examples above are fucking normal but that cutting oneself off from spouse and children with headphones for great lengths of time is not.

Show quote history

No you mean that you do those things, so in your mind they’re ok ‘and completely different’.

But listening to an audiobook with headphones on whilst doing the washing up and cooking is not ok, purely because you don’t do it.

OP has said that he pauses it if someone tries to talk to him - how is that any different to watch a TV show or reading a book.

There is no difference between reading a book and having to stop reading to talk to someone, than having headphones on and doing the same.

Calendulaaria · 15/04/2026 22:06

OneNewEagle · 15/04/2026 19:03

Mine is also doing it more and more. Has them in all day wfh unless on the phone. Fair enough I guess but means he doesn’t even hear the door for his deliveries. ( means I have to get door, cover other things etc that aren’t to do with me including in his lunch hour as he now prefers to eat in office with them in rather than with me downstairs).

and in the last year has them in to also wash up or cook so I don’t even attempt to speak at those times anymore (means I’m covering everything else as well….we have pets etc). When I’m cooking and washing up I’m also expected to hear everything else that’s going on and deal with it.

then has them in to watch tv every night in the lounge. ( means I’m no longer able to use the lounge so just go up to my bedroom most evenings unless he decides to do gaming in the office with them in for that too).

Followed by in all night to block out any noise to sleep. ( means I’m up and down all night seeing to the pets or anything else that happens).

we are going through a bad patch as I feel as if I have no support and he doesn’t speak to me…I keep pointing out he’s not speaking to me as he has them in. I feel like I’m continually on block or muted and it doesn’t feel like a relationship to me. Anything important we don’t discuss as he’s not even listening to me, I tried having a conversation over 6 weeks about a utility bill. He’s never got back to me so in the end I have just paid all of it….it’s one we used to split.

That sounds awful. Doesn't he want to spend time with you in the evenings? How hurtful. I'm not sure if you're planning on having children with him, but just know if will be difficult on you, as he will be checked out the entire time.