To be so fed up of my dh noise cancelling headphones

[Allthedays1]

He has them in alot. He will come home from work, chat for 15 minutes if that then block everyone out and watch YouTube with them in. I will be in the shower and the youngest will come and get me if she wants something even if he's in the room with her. It's doing my head in. I get he talks all day at work but we still exist. At the weekend I watch no TV unless kids are in bed or watch with them. He just sits with the headphones in for hours watching on his tablet
Today our child had a problem at school. Dh had his hoodie up in the kitchen, I started talking to him about it and then son says "mum he can't hear you he's got his headphones in". I'm going to work in a bit so it's not like I can tell him later. Please tell me I'm not the only one with a dh like this

I have similar (DH gaming with headphones or watching news or violent films on tv) I don’t want to listen to those things so it’s fine except then it does stop free flow communication and I find that really hard. I won’t tell him what to do It’s entirely his choice but our relationship suffers because he chooses gaming and his choice of tv OVER availability to the relationship more often than not, in this way. It’s a lot of missed togetherness.

This. My DH used to do this and listen to music all the time through headphones but I hated having to wave at him or tap him on the arm to get his attention and then wait for him to pause it so I could speak to him, and it really killed that kind of spontaneous conversation where you remember something and say "oh I must tell you this" or you're reading the newspaper and you want to just share something about an article and you can't because you have to get the person's attention first. I think it's so rude and I told him to stop doing it when other people were in the house.

I’d not be happy, especially at meals times when the whole family should be sat chatting! I think it’s rude to be honest and wouldn’t be happy , If it was at the end of the day when kids in bed & it was his down time fair enough but not when it should be family time.

If he gets a normal pair he can still hear his programme. This behaviour would really annoy me because it's checking out of being present for the family. It's the modern equivalent of not being allowed to talk to Father because he's reading the paper four hours a day or Mr Bennet retreating to his study.

Fine to have some alone time and use noise cancelling to do this for a limited amount of time, same way we all need some time to have an undisturbed cup of tea. But not fine to do it all the time.

I spend my evenings mostly listening to podcasts and playing games on my iPad at the same time, or scrolling Facebook videos, but DH doesn’t mind as he is working on his laptop and when he finishes that he puts his own headphones on and watches his stuff. We don’t have kids though.

If you want to listen to music while cleaning why not just play music in the room you are in? Why the headphones?

Because the rest of the household probably doesn't want to listen to her music, and/or there's probably other competing noise going on.

I don't really understand the notion that people within a family can't ever just do their own thing for a while. I don't think it's a problem for one person to be watching TV while the kids are playing with Lego and doing homework and another person is listening to a podcast. Not everything has to be a communal activity where everyone has 'family time' doing the same thing and chatting together.

Who mentioned 'ever'?

He’s opting out of family life, and if he really wants to be like that, he needs to live on his own.
Personally, I would accidentally lose them for him.

This is a man who fathered a child but is not parenting said child.
Children benefit greatly from interacting(positively of course) verbally with their parents. They learn to be balanced adults, communicative and with a healthy sense of self.

By being in the same room but hears blocked and glued to a screen he is neglecting his child.
The fish rots from the head.

Not a chance I would tolerate that.
Awful behaviour for your children to be witnessing.
Perhaps he needs to move out?
He clearly has zero interest in his children and family.

The post I was replying to was suggesting that if someone wants to listen to music while cleaning, they should just have music on for everyone to hear. My point was simply that it's perfectly OK for music not to be a communal experience.

Making the point like that was rather childish though

I would have been tempted to block your number if you had kept doing that 🤣

oh oh sounds like me - no kids at home but I'm always listening to audible books while I'm doing stuff round the house and cooking - DH is super patient about it

Mine does! He's very techy and into all his videos/games/gadgets. It is soooo annoying 😂,

The rule for my teens on this (self imposed by them) is they have one ear out.
Neither me nor DH do it at all in the house.

Does he take his head phones off while you are at work? I would hate to think he wasn't aware of what kids were doing while he's in charge 😬

This is exactly why, when I asked for headphones for Christmas, I specifically said no noise canceling ones. They are not safe! If wearing them in public, you'd never hear someone trying to get your attention, or hear if something dangerous is happening!
And its absolutely not acceptable to wear when you should be parenting!!!!

You are a terrible, uninvolved parent and spouse. I feel so sad for your family. Why are you married with a child if you don't want to be and interact with them?

He, and you are doing it all the time though. You have completely cut off your family, and told them you are unavailable and don't want to be part of the family. Its all about you and your wants, not a bit about what your family NEEDS.

I have an 18 year old and a 16 year old, and they’re not this ignorant. I also have noise cancelling headphones but we don’t use them to ignore each other or get out of life!

Is there a reason he doesn’t wish to participate in daily life at home? Have you asked him?

I edited to add that no, my ex husband had a lot of faults, but definitely was not like this!

So it's not only children opting out of socialising in favour of screens, adults are losing the ability to communicate and it appears damaging relationships at the same time.

I fully admit I opt out of socialising in favour of screens. Admittedly it doesn’t affect my relationships but I would be reluctant to change my habits in any case

Your hubby sounds like a real charmer. No YANBU. Frankly you may as well be a single parent.

Agree.

i can imagine!