To go on sick leave for stress

[Vinividivici]

Key facts:

1. My job title is very, very low for my level of experience, so much so that other colleagues are outraged on my behalf. I have been told that promotion is impossible.
2. I have been given several difficult projects that were previously managed by someone two levels above me
3. My manager refuses to schedule regular 1:1s and usually seems annoyed when I want to discuss strategy in my matters or basically anything at all
4. I recently took a few weeks' leave to get married (and I am supposed to return to work tomorrow). My manager refused to discuss who would cover until a few days before my leave. The colleagues covering for me were obviously angry.
5. When I think of going back to work, I cry and feel hopeless.
6. A life coach suggested that I take time off sick
7. But I can see no future for myself whether I return to work or not. I feel like an abject failure and that there is no path to happiness. I'm terrified of having a gap in my CV or having to tell future employers that

My new husband does not want to push me either way but has said that he thinks we can manage on his income. He wants me to be happy. I am very, very unhappy

That you are crying and feeling hopeless not only suggests that some time off sick is very much needed but also some support from your GP and possibly medication.

Give your GP a call. It’s time to put yourself first.

Take the time off, possibly look for something else. My husband is currently off sick with stress, it's no joke. Your wellbeing is far more important than a job that makes you feel like this

I feel like I will never be able to succeed in any job, which scares me. It feels like if I stop working now, maybe things will get even worse

How long has your husband been off? Do you think he will be ok?

I was off for four months with stress last year. I was worried about explaining the sickness to new employers. It did come up but I was open and stuck to the facts. No issue.

I am also a recruiting manager: if a candidate had a gap and this was why, I would feel that they were brave and would be sympathetic.

take the time you need. As a PP says: this is no joke. My BP was so high from stress that it’s caused permanent kidney damage. Don’t let it get that way.

Take the time off, as much as you need. I had to do it a few years ago - and I really mean I had to. I was off for 4 months and it really helped.

Also, I second a PP - go to your GP and tell them everything. Take whatever help they will give you.

It sounds as though you might need to see a doctor, not a life coach.

Do you think you might be getting depressed?

You need a plan to get a new job. It's only when you are away from a shit job that you actually see it for what it was

@InterviewGhost permanent kidney damage? That's so frightening. Well done for changing your situation before it got worse.

I feel that the impact of stress is underplayed and poorly understood. In my field (law), it is just viewed as part of the job.

I also worked in law. I get it.

Get the GP to sign you off sick for a few weeks and spend the time considering what you might want to do next. If you don't like this job then apply for another one. If the thought of returning to work makes you feel panicky and causes you to cry then it is causing you some hefty anxiety that warrants time off sick. If you have raised issues with your manager and nothing is going to change then best to find a new job.

@lemondropsandchimneytops did you go back to the same job? The idea of returning is very upsetting to me. Everyone is so stressed out and mean.

My manager doesn't meet with me regularly and I have not raised these points as a result. She knows that I want a promotion and basically acknowledged that I should have a higher job title. But she has shown zero interest in my wellbeing and has gaslighted me about the new projects not being a substantive change to the scope of my role.

She also did fuck all when I was the subject of two episodes of serious bullying a couple of years ago. It was all swept under the rug

I am probably depressed. I spent a few days of my honeymoon crying about work and I feel little joy. Fortunately I was able to enjoy the wedding itself, probably because I had a full week off beforehand.

This can be the case sometimes. Work gives you structure, a reason to get up, responsibility, social circumstances etc. Giving up work is rarely the answer unless it is work that is directly making you ill. See a doctor as a priority. Baby steps. Work out if it is work that is causing you to feel this way before making any rash decisions. Take care of yourself.

I would take time off before you fully burnout. Can you afford to pay privately for counselling? I would also look for another job ASAP as the workplace sounds toxic - unaddressed bullying, a bad manager.

I can see that this job is very, very toxic. The problem is that my self confidence has also been devastated and I feel like I would fail at any job now.

So far, all commenters are in favour of sick leave, but a majority of votes say the opposite (i.e. I would be unreasonable to take time off). It would be helpful to hear comments from those who think that this would be an unreasonable thing to do.

Take the sick leave. One week to “recover” and then another to prepare for a job hunt. You are then returning to your role with your eyes ahead, ready to leave!

Take the sick leave, look for another job whilst you are on sick leave, stress can be deadly and we spend too long at work to be so unhappy. Said from someone who’s husband is just out of the hospital after a TIA which we honestly believe work stress contributed too ( not sole cause )

Nothing against you going on sick leave but for an alternative view you could go in tomorrow and give your notice that you are leaving (in writing).

Knowing that you are leaving you can probably get through your notice (1 month?) and you can then do your job search without the added complication of explaining sick leave.

Some of that last month will be handing over. Quite often people are actually nice when you are leaving, start appreciating you and asking you to reconsider (don't!).

It's amazing that your partner is able and willing to support you in the short term.

You don't have to work in this job and you don't have to work in law either just because that is what you have gone in the past.

Work your notice, skip out of there. Have some time off and start looking for anything you think looks interesting in a couple of months.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Just had a long discussion with my mother, who said that I am being whiny and immature and that I just need to suck it up and keep going to work while looking for another job.

She has now written this to me "You don’t need to demonstrate or prove how miserable you are. We all know you are. Would be amazing if you quit being a victim and made some adult decisions how to solve your problem. Make a list of all solutions and the consequences and then choose the solution that you can live with and be the happiest with"

While not dripping with empathy your mum sounds frustrated.
Has this been going on a very long time. You do mention things happening 2 years ago.

You are in a fortunate position that you can choose to leave without losing your home. You can go on sick, you can leave or you can stay. If you stay unhappy for years without taking action then family will eventually get frustrated.

Don't get distracted by your mum's input and deflect onto her. It's your choice what you do now.

The job has gotten worse over time. I also have had to deal with some messed up life situations (abusive ex) and trying to plan my wedding. Things have gotten really bad in the last 6 months.

Now my mom is telling me that I am not emotionally healthy and I need therapy.