To go on sick leave for stress

[Vinividivici]

Key facts:

1. My job title is very, very low for my level of experience, so much so that other colleagues are outraged on my behalf. I have been told that promotion is impossible.
2. I have been given several difficult projects that were previously managed by someone two levels above me
3. My manager refuses to schedule regular 1:1s and usually seems annoyed when I want to discuss strategy in my matters or basically anything at all
4. I recently took a few weeks' leave to get married (and I am supposed to return to work tomorrow). My manager refused to discuss who would cover until a few days before my leave. The colleagues covering for me were obviously angry.
5. When I think of going back to work, I cry and feel hopeless.
6. A life coach suggested that I take time off sick
7. But I can see no future for myself whether I return to work or not. I feel like an abject failure and that there is no path to happiness. I'm terrified of having a gap in my CV or having to tell future employers that

My new husband does not want to push me either way but has said that he thinks we can manage on his income. He wants me to be happy. I am very, very unhappy

I am off sick just now with stress. Work in education, toxic atmosphere, unsupportive boss. Take some time and decide what you want. I am still not able to even consider applying for other jobs. I'm just not feeling confident enough. My confidence has been chipped away at so much that I've nothing left. I am still feeling tearful at the thought of going back but I am going to extend my sick line as I know I am not ready. This has been ongoing for years and I know I need out for my sanity and health. The stress for me is now showing up physically. It needs to stop.

Please take time for yourself and take any support you are offered.

Try to put aside your mum's perspective and all the emotional baggage that goes with that.

You are lucky that you can leave and your husband support you in the short term. You might not feel it right now but regular readers will have read about many people in your position, or in your position in real life, who feel totally trapped as if they leave they cannot pay their mortgage, school fees etc. You are fortunate that you are able to make a change. When you do you will wonder why you waited so long.

This is one job, in one workplace in our big wide world. It is not the be all and end all. What would you like to be doing?

I’d just look for a new, less stressful job.

Do it.
They have used and abused you.

Go out sick.
Get well.
Work on finding a new job.
Anything to avoid permanently damaging your health.

Your mother sounds like a nasty thundering bitch.

Maybe step away from her.
I cannot imagine speaking to my distressed daughter that way.

Go out sick.
Forget your toxic manager and work.
Take time to heal and build yourself back up.

Why have you not tried to find a new job previously, with you having been unhappy for so long ?

Going off sick with stress is positively encouraged on this site so go for it OP.

Yes yes and more yeses!

I jumped from a job that I adored, due to a boss who sucked the life out of me. I went into a job where I felt respected, trusted, listened to and have the most amazing boss. I feel like a new person, but it took me over a year to feel good about myself again.

Please consider talking to your GP op x

Totally feel for you, I was in the same place 4 years ago. I took sick leave (for the first and only time in over 20 years) and got a new job straight away, doing my notice on the sick leave. No one has ever asked about it. I hope you feel OK soon.

Just hand your notice in and get a new job

I went back to a different role in the same organisation. The people I worked with were a big part of the problem too.

Your Mum is a cow and you should ignore her terrible, awful advice

It's never going to get better though OP, so I'd hand my notice in and look for something else if money isn't so tight you can't manage for a few weeks/months. I run a small business and anyone going off sick (for whatever reason) causes major headaches - it only takes one small cog of the wheel not functioning to make everyone else's job harder. It's not worth the risk of getting a token reference if they take exception to you going off.

If your husband said that, you could just quit and look for a new job. After you get yourself sorted of course. Your health is your priority anyway

Sounds like you would just be ignoring the problem rather than dealing with it. So go off sick if you need but you need another plan for what happens after the sick leave runs out.
Your manager will still be there.
As you can afford it maybe just resign and look for something else. Unless you think you have power to change things in the current role.

I was off for 3 weeks with stress at the tail end of COVID, the first week I could do nothing but stare I to space, it was terrifying but eventually I got up 1 morning and could access my thoughts properly again, I think I'd had a bit of a breakdown with everything going on. It was dreadful. But I moved jobs a year later and I'm thriving. You an recover.

While your mother sounds harsh, and certainly lacking in tact, the last sentence is not bad advice - figure out possible solutions and consequences and choose the one you can live with. I get the sense from your mother's message that she thinks you are wallowing and it isn't helpful to do nothing about a situation that needs remedying. Taking sick leave will just postpone the inevitable decision.

I am familiar with the legal field - it is demanding and stressful, but it also pays well, especially as you advance. You might have some hard decisions to make - take a pay cut and take a less stressful job. Go in-house, join a charity etc.

Are you me? Also on stress leave from education with an unsupportive boss, and with confidence so low from the constant nitpicking that I don't feel good enough to do or be anything.

OP, take the stress leave. We only get one life. You've not been treated well at work so they don't deserve your loyalty. Remember, they'd replace you and forget you in a heartbeat.

I have self certified off sick for today and probably will tomorrow too. I am hoping to think through next steps, though I have been so sad and mentally exhausted that I am not sure whether it would be fruitful.

That said, the idea that I am not trapped and that I could get some relief in the form of sick leave makes me feel more of a will to live. I have a three month notice period and the idea of continuing to go in and deal with these people for that long (plus longer if I continue with the job until finding a new role) is difficult to stomach.

My mother's suggestion of quiet quitting fills me with anxiety because I am generally all in or all out. Maintaining super firm boundaries with my time but not meeting deadlines or delivering good work does not feel like a true option.

I actually am in-house now. They are totally taking the piss, making me do work that is two full job levels above my official pay grade while telling me I am only "achieving" at my official level, and not even a pay rise this year. It's grade A gaslighting.

My great fear is that this is the world of work now - every employer ruthlessly squeezing every last drop out of every employee while threatening to hand their roles over to AI. I'm not built for this type of environment, honestly.

If you were crying about work while you had weeks off for honeymoon then sick leave isn't going to be the solution. Sure take some time off if it'll help you get perspective and get out of the hole enough to see more clearly, but it sounds like this has been going on a long while and you've got life coaches involved and asking everyone from colleagues to your mother and your husband, so again, some days off sick won't make all the difference. Clearly this is not the job for you and you need to get a new one.

Stop it with the catastrophising about AI and 'all jobs' being like this. You know logically that all jobs are not the same and your 'greatest fear' is unfounded. Your brain is giving you a ton of reasons and excuses to stay in this pit where you hate your current job but can't move on because what if everywhere else is just as bad and there's something wrong with you or whatever. It sounds tough but your mother may be right to stop with the complaining (you know what this job/boss is like, it ain't going to change) and take practical action to get a new job, retrain, hand in your notice and not look back. You have a supportive husband and no kids trapping you into work. Focus on the bigger picture and get on with the next phase.

"Trying to plan a wedding" should not have been a negative stress factor.
I would agree with pp, don't go on sick leave. Resign. You'll immediately feel better. Work your resignation period and actively look for other jobs.
I don't think the Life Coach gave you good advice, so maybe think about how much you're benefiting from that.

What are you "built for"? Why has the Life Coach not given you the tools to move forward?
I agree with @pinkdelight .
Resign, think about what you want to do, and actively move towards it.

I had 4 months of last year due to stress. I’d raised a grievance against my manager before which was taking ages to be dealt with.

I realised I was far iller than I’d thought and it had been impacting my work but when I went back I was on fire!

my return was managed very well (helped by the fact that my manager left while I was off)

I have quite significant “imposter syndrome” which I worked on while I was off and that helped too.

what I’m trying to say is that you can do
your job but at the moment you aren’t being giving the right resources. Stress/anxiety/depression lies and you absolutely can recover from this. See your gp, and take the time you need. Go off sick, don’t resign.

I went off sick last March, due to burnout, and fortunately ended up accepting a package so I left my job in June. Started looking at roles after the summer and started my job in November. I marked my time off as a career break/career transition on my CVas I've moved into a different sector. It's never been questioned or queried.

Take the time off - my husband took 6 months off a couple of years ago after a organisational restructure, where he was forced into a role that wasn't right for him. Am not sure he'd still be here if he hadn't taken the time off.