To say we cant take his child full time?

[DuvetInTheDaytime]

Hi all long time lurker first time posting so please be gentle

AIBU here or am I being selfish

DP has a DS from previous and lately hes been saying he wants to come live with us full time instead of just weekends and odd days. I do feel for him I’m not heartless but I just dont see how it would actually work in reality

We already have a full house and its not like we have loads of spare room just sitting there (we dont). At the moment when he stays its ok-ish as its only couple nights but even then its a squeeze and everyone gets a bit on top of each other

DP keeps saying “we’ll make it work” but not actually saying HOW we would make it work if that makes sense

Theres also behaviour stuff if I’m being honest (not awful but not easy either) and my own kids are already arguing alot lately and I just feel like adding more into that isnt going to help anyone

I said maybe its better he stays how things are for now and DP got funny with me saying im being unfair and its his son so of course he should be able to live with him if he wants

I havent said no outright just that I dont think its realistic right now but now I feel like the bad one

I do feel guilty as its not his fault but at the same time I have to think about everyone already here too

AIBU to think its just not doable or should I just say yes and figure it out as we go??

(hope this makes sense abit all over the place today)

I am not entirely sure what the OP was looking for from her post. The subsequent ones prove how dire the situation is.

Obviously there is no room for the last 3 kids she has had, let alone the 14yr old ss.

I know I am adding to the posts deemed unpleasant and unhelpful, but I simply cannot understand the thought process at play with the 2 adults involved here.

Baffles me why people keep having children they cannot properly house or care for.

christ I hope you’re using contraception.

The house is overcrowded yes, but there’s no law to say that a council tenant can’t overcrowd a house by having more and more children. They have made the decision themself to overcrowd the house. However, she wouldn’t have been able to be allocated a house with more than the allocated number of children at the time of applying. What she does after getttibg the house is her business

How would you feel if he said he didn't want to live with your kids full time?

How is that helpful?

Can't turn the clock back now.

Another adult moving into the property would violate the terms of the tenancy agreement, and avoid paying full council tax. I have no idea where you got your info from.

Why would there even be any sex with a man who doesn't want to look after his own son?

I think your original post wasn’t aimed at me as I didn’t say anything about benefit fraud.

So I’ll leave it but it still think it’s very tenuous to call it “discrimination” to ask about the benefits situation (albeit some people are speaking without any knowledge of how it works)

You’re still wrong. Where do you get this moxy from when we both know you have no knowledge whatsoever about how council tenancies work? Have you even read one?

Head. Wall. Bang

No point arguing with this one.

Fact is…. Tenancy agreement with HA property should detail all adults living at the property. Fact

This is complex OP, how old is the child? How would you feel if your partner felt this way, ie didn’t want your child to come and live with you? I think if you put yourself in his shoes and imagine how you’d react if he were saying/thinking this about your child it might be easier to understand.

My original post wasn’t aimed at you but you replied anyway demanding to know what protected characteristic they had so I responded

I think you need to discuss it more with your DP.
How exactly does he see it working? Practical stuff like sleeping arrangements?
Will he be stepping up to help with childcare, cooking, cleaning etc?

I read this post or one identical very recently. Have you posted about this before?

Right back at you!

Have you read her tenancy agreement? Do you know that they are not paying full council tax?

A LA would want her to inform them yes, but it wouldnt violate anything. And the only reason she wouldnt be paying full council tax is if she is lying to the Country Council (separate from the Local Authority) and you have no evidence of that. If they are claiming any benefits legitimately (you have no evidence that they are not) her CT bill will be adjusted automatically.....ask me how I know.

Good point about council tax

this op will be claiming as a single resident. And receiving the single person discount

oh this is just depressing

The tenancy agreement details all the adults living at the property AT THE TIME ITS SIGNED ie when you move in.

if adults move in after that you phone them and tell them. The tenancy agreement is not changed or updated.

The computer property record is. Quite frankly they only need to know for fire safety etc.

No you arrange your housing around your children (all of them) and take them and their needs into account when deciding on /planning any future children

You are talking out of your bottom

My sister is a HA tenant. You HAVE to list the number of adults residing at the property as their main residence

Well some of us do

Depressingly it would appear from this thread, quite a few don’t

It isnt fact! They want to know who is living there yes, but it does not need them named on a tenancy agreement.

And as a PP said, a quick phone call "This is Jane Doe from 221b Baker Street, my partner moved in" job done. No drama.

I’ve been a director of a number of very large HA for 16 years. I’ve see thousands of tenancy agreements. I know all about tenancy law. I sign off the rent charges for 100,000 tenants.

so I see your sister, and say you’re talking shit.

Make your two children move out. Bingo, room for your husband's child!

Really though, why would you add THREE more children into an already oversized family?

And with housing benefit (yeah yeah the op hasn’t confirmed she isn’t receipt but we all know she is) - she will have had to

and more pertinently

I quote from Shelter.org

Yes, you should generally list all adults living in a housing association property on the tenancy agreement,

I’m with your DP, it’s his son and he should absolutely be able to live with him. We have my DH’s two kids 50% and from day 1 I have accepted that at any point they may decide to live with us and we would welcome the so m.