To say we cant take his child full time?

[DuvetInTheDaytime]

Hi all long time lurker first time posting so please be gentle

AIBU here or am I being selfish

DP has a DS from previous and lately hes been saying he wants to come live with us full time instead of just weekends and odd days. I do feel for him I’m not heartless but I just dont see how it would actually work in reality

We already have a full house and its not like we have loads of spare room just sitting there (we dont). At the moment when he stays its ok-ish as its only couple nights but even then its a squeeze and everyone gets a bit on top of each other

DP keeps saying “we’ll make it work” but not actually saying HOW we would make it work if that makes sense

Theres also behaviour stuff if I’m being honest (not awful but not easy either) and my own kids are already arguing alot lately and I just feel like adding more into that isnt going to help anyone

I said maybe its better he stays how things are for now and DP got funny with me saying im being unfair and its his son so of course he should be able to live with him if he wants

I havent said no outright just that I dont think its realistic right now but now I feel like the bad one

I do feel guilty as its not his fault but at the same time I have to think about everyone already here too

AIBU to think its just not doable or should I just say yes and figure it out as we go??

(hope this makes sense abit all over the place today)

No he doesnt. It is the op’s house. The op’s dp doesnt have the right to be there, so his son certainly doesn't.

Well no but that doesn't mean it's ok for the two of them to have multiple children together without thinking of where they would all go surely.

Its. Not. Fraud!

She could have the entire England Second XI living there and it wouldnt be fraud!

which part is wrong? The OP states that she lives in a council house and only her name is on the tenancy, but her DP lives there.
its as clear as day.
which part don’t you understand?

As it’s OP’s house, she should kick out her waste of space DP who won’t even cook for his kids or wash their clothes or contribute fairly for their food.

You don’t understand how people qualify for or pay for council housing, or how the rent is calculated. You’re embarrassing yourself

this for example:

“the rent she pays the council will be based on occupancy of the house and income of its tenants.”

rent is not based on anything to do with the tenants. .

So the council don’t need to know that 11 men of working age and ability are living there when they’re calculating the OP’s rent and benefits?

They've had a girl now so hopefully they're done now. The truth is that there is no room for the SS in this house.
I would tell your "partner" he has to find and fund his own housing if he wants to take SS in, you have both unfortunately made it impossible for there to be any room for it to be an option and you have responsability to your older children just like he has for his eldest.

Ok so my first thought would be what spaces do you have downstairs?

If you have 2 rooms plus a kitchen or a large enough kitchen to be a kitchen/family room then can you/OH move downstairs & rejig the bedrooms (maybe so the 5 boys share the 2 largest & you have the smallest to be your toddlers room)?

If you don’t could you set up the living room to also be his son’s bedroom (our Ukrainian guest had a set up like that where we had a bed from
ikea that could have extra cushions to be a sofa in the day to provide more space) and you/OH head to your room when it’s his bedtime?

Mid-longer term is there any option to apply to swap for a larger house?

A child should always be able to live with a parent, I'm amazed you don't see that. What if it were reversed, how would you feel?

Except DP does live there, therefore his son, who is a child, must be welcome there!

Starting to think it's not OP who's the wind up artiste on this thread...

I mean it’s a bit tenuous at best and definitely not a protected characteristic. But nothing I’ve said by way of criticism would apply any less to private renters or those with a mortgage.

Over crowded is overcrowded.

It will be a very substantial amount

and fact that only op on the tenancy means they’ll be fraud at play too

Well here’s your opportunity to explain it…
the council don’t know that her partner lives there so how can they make the right calculations? If she has signed a form declaring she has given the correct information about the occupancy of the home in which she is the named tenant then she has committed fraud if she hasn’t named her partner.

The fact that tenancy arrangements with the local authority have nothing whatsoever to do with housing element of UC.

The fact that she doesnt need to have him added to the tenancy, its not a requirement and is in fact good that she hasnt as it makes it easier if she needs him to leave.

The fact that you clearly have no knowledge about this whatsoever.

Did the you go the D.Trump school of "Alt Facts"?!

I agree. You have been treated awfully here. Sending you love and support. Stand your ground with DH. Ignore the haters and take the positives from here. You got this. Don't put up with being taken advantage of. X

There was no truth for the youngest but didn’t stop them.

and now this little girl will be sharing a bedroom with her “on off” parents for the foreseeable

"Needmorelego · Today 17:26
I think if you are in a relationship with someone who has a child you should always be prepared to potentially have that child living with you.
Would you being saying no if his mother had died?"

This with bells on.

I can’t say that I’ve ever been in receipt of social benefits, no.

Why do so many women not want to disclose that a partner has moved into their social housing? I thought that they would lose it…

You have bugger all knowledge of the benefit System

don’t be daft

Why would it have to be a protected characteristic for me to state it’s discrimination?!

I’m saying that posters are discriminating about council tenants by stating that they are benefits frauds & that their teenagers have children

anyway kids need sorting

that’s an understatement if ever there was one

YOU DONT KNOW SHES ON BENEFITS

Yeah, she is . Guaranteed