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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh in mood as I said I may get mcdonalds for my dinner he said its selfish

557 replies

Tomcdonaldaornot · 14/04/2026 16:06

Hey mn!
I have just read some other posters complaining about their partners wow there seems to be a lot. I don't want that to cloud my judge ie being angry on their behalf and therefore my dh is wrong.
So I am asking here.
My baby who is 9months woke at 830am and hasn't napped today. She fought her last two naps and I have wasted an hr each time trying to get baby to nap. She usually naps but the last few days she seems more active. With no naps I have found it really impacts my night when baby doesn't nap, she has a bad night. So I have gotten ready. Dh who works from home popped downstairs and asked how day is going. I said its been full on she hasnt napped! He looked at her and said "cheeky" she laughed!
I said I was going a drive as she will nap in the car. I said I was thinking of getting a Starbucks via drive thru so I am not just driving around. At least it'll give me a destination! Then I thought ohh i could get a McDonald's! That'll sort my dinner out. Baby will nap in car. Dh then told me that was weird. I'm a grown women. And then.... wait for it... what about him? I offered to bring him mcdonalds and he said no. I then laughed and said you are a grown man I'm sure you can sort dinner. He stormed away saying "dont treat me like a child!".
Am i wrong?! He has never acted like this!!!!!!
What would you do??

OP posts:
snoopinginstlye · 16/04/2026 09:48

ruethewhirl · 14/04/2026 16:09

I'd be getting him a Happy Meal after him behaving like that.

😂😂😂

Tomcdonaldaornot · 16/04/2026 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tomcdonaldaornot · 16/04/2026 10:00

nomas · 16/04/2026 07:31

But OP was very clear that she thought they would BOTH benefit from an early night I.e. get a good night’s sleep.

She is looking out for both their well being. DH and I often suggest that we go to sleep early. I’m
not sure why you would be hurt by a suggestion from your husband to get an early night or why your husband would be hurt if you suggested it.

You'd feel rejected? You sound too sensitive.

OP posts:
LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 16/04/2026 10:15

Tomcdonaldaornot · 16/04/2026 10:00

You'd feel rejected? You sound too sensitive.

I think you meant to quote @ForCosyLion , not @nomas :)

Snakebite61 · 16/04/2026 10:31

Tomcdonaldaornot · 14/04/2026 16:06

Hey mn!
I have just read some other posters complaining about their partners wow there seems to be a lot. I don't want that to cloud my judge ie being angry on their behalf and therefore my dh is wrong.
So I am asking here.
My baby who is 9months woke at 830am and hasn't napped today. She fought her last two naps and I have wasted an hr each time trying to get baby to nap. She usually naps but the last few days she seems more active. With no naps I have found it really impacts my night when baby doesn't nap, she has a bad night. So I have gotten ready. Dh who works from home popped downstairs and asked how day is going. I said its been full on she hasnt napped! He looked at her and said "cheeky" she laughed!
I said I was going a drive as she will nap in the car. I said I was thinking of getting a Starbucks via drive thru so I am not just driving around. At least it'll give me a destination! Then I thought ohh i could get a McDonald's! That'll sort my dinner out. Baby will nap in car. Dh then told me that was weird. I'm a grown women. And then.... wait for it... what about him? I offered to bring him mcdonalds and he said no. I then laughed and said you are a grown man I'm sure you can sort dinner. He stormed away saying "dont treat me like a child!".
Am i wrong?! He has never acted like this!!!!!!
What would you do??

How utterly trivial

ForCosyLion · 16/04/2026 10:31

nomas · 16/04/2026 07:27

But I’m not addressing that part of your post, I’m addressing the part where you told her that telling her husband she wants an early night but no sex is not the wisest move.

What happened in your marriage to make you think like that?

Common sense is what happened to me. If my husband suggested that the two of us have an early night and then said for sleep only, I'd feel (assuming that I wanted sex) a bit of whiplash.

But I wouldn't express any negativity over it. There should NEVER be ANY negative results from not wanting sex. And there wasn't, in my marriage.

Perhaps you're taking my "not the wisest move" words the wrong way. I didn't mean unwise because there would be "consequences." I meant unwise because it's got potential to confuse the other person.

CocksBolingey · 16/04/2026 10:35

Then tell him to stop acting like one!

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 16/04/2026 11:11

You offered to bring him one. He said he didn't want one.
So what exactly is his problem? 😕
He's just being a dick, ignore.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 16/04/2026 11:17

Tomcdonaldaornot · 14/04/2026 17:13

Currently in mcdonalds.car park eating spicy mcnuggests meal! Delicious and i have a mcflurry also 🙈🙈 I texted and asked man baby if he wanted anything and he said no. He said he will not accept a pitty mcdonalds and is annoyed as he doesnt know where he will find the time to make dinner tonight. I said oh are you working late? He said no he isnt but he wasnt prepared for this. Jesus. This meal is worth is though 🙈

Just seen your update - yay, glad you got one.
Sorry, but "pity McDonald's" made me actually laugh out loud 😂
I've been married about eleventy million years and so at this point I'd have been tempted to send a photo going "mmm, yummy yum! Shame you didn't want one..Ah well, ya snooze ya lose" 😁

lilkitten · 16/04/2026 11:31

I'm sorry it went the way it did. Absolutely you were within your rights to get yourself a McDonalds, and you offered to get him one so I'm not sure why he's complaining. I generally share a meal with DP but it isn't a given, we often make separate dinners as we like different things, surely he can cook for himself? It feels unfair if he's expecting you to cook for him.

BloominNora · 16/04/2026 11:46

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/04/2026 15:28

The ONLY thing?! Where is your imagination? While you’re writing your novel, consider the option that he was abducted by aliens and they have replaced him with a simulacrum but this one doesn’t quite know how to behave because the programming was taken from the wrong intercepted human movie.

That would be a great sci-fi story idea, but reversed...shitty men replaced by simulations that don't act shitty. Women realise there is something going on by absence of said shitty behaviour leading to a massive international debate about whether we actually want the men back or would prefer to keep the simulations 😉

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 16/04/2026 11:59

ForCosyLion · 16/04/2026 10:31

Common sense is what happened to me. If my husband suggested that the two of us have an early night and then said for sleep only, I'd feel (assuming that I wanted sex) a bit of whiplash.

But I wouldn't express any negativity over it. There should NEVER be ANY negative results from not wanting sex. And there wasn't, in my marriage.

Perhaps you're taking my "not the wisest move" words the wrong way. I didn't mean unwise because there would be "consequences." I meant unwise because it's got potential to confuse the other person.

Edited

"Perhaps you're taking my "not the wisest move" words the wrong way. I didn't mean unwise because there would be "consequences." I meant unwise because it's got potential to confuse the other person."

It's important to understand social context when commenting. We live in a rape culture. Starting in girlhood, women are besieged by men - who are much stronger physically than women - who want sex from them. Including boyfriends and husbands. Marital rape was only criminalised in the UK in the 1990s. One in 30 women in the UK is sexually assaulted every year (800 000 women). 2% of reported rapes leads to charges, and only half of those actually spend any time in jail. Such impunity means that most women are very wary about sexually pressurising men.

Rape culture stems from the notion that men are entitled to sex. This thinking is EXTREMELY prevalent, and we see this here on MN very often: an OP comes and says she doesn't want sex because she's completely exhausted because she does everything, and inevitably there will be a bunch of men (some masquerading under female names) and women saying that she's being "unfair", she "shouldn't be unilaterally deciding to not have sex", she's "withholding".

This is very rapey language, and completely unacceptable. No one has a right to sex, no matter the context.

In the present thread, we have a bloke whose petulant, selfish, punishing behaviour CLEARLY stemmed from her saying no to sex the night before. Punishing a partner with moods, grumpiness, withdrawing non-sexual affection, angry slamming around, nasty comments, picking arguments, EATING HOMEMADE SNACKS INTENDED FOR BABY - this is sexually coercive behaviour. Unless such behaviour is very firmly opposed, it will lead to consensual unwanted sex at best (which can be very psychologically damaging over the long run) and coerced rape at worst.

So in this context, you saying "not the wisest move" sounded very much like you thought OP should dance carefully around her H's desire for sex, making sure she appeases and placates him so that he doesn't punish her.

NO. He should have said, "Alright darling. I'm not tired yet so I'll watch something for a bit. Sleep well" or "Alright darling. Yes, I'm tired too, let's go to bed".

You've clarified your phrasing but the fact that multiple PPs were questioning it suggests that you should consider the frightening rape culture we live in before commenting on such subjects again.

Alice786 · 16/04/2026 12:41

You are an adult and do and eat what you like. Who is he to lecture you! He is acting like a spoilt brat! If my partner did that i would expect an apology before i start speaking to him again.

PixieTales · 16/04/2026 14:07

ForCosyLion · 16/04/2026 03:25

To the PPs who selectively quoted me: I think it's odd to suggest to your husband that you both have an early night together and then say you meant for sleep, not sex. If I wanted an early night for sleep I would just have one. I would feel confused and rejected if my husband invited me to bed for an early night and then said it was so that we can both go to sleep early. I'd be thinking, "You have an early night if you want to, but why do I have to have one, too??" BUT IT IS NOT OK TO PUNISH SOMEONE FOR THIS OR BE MEAN ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE TO BE A GROWN-UP, AND CALMLY EXPRESS, ANOTHER TIME, THAT YOU FELT CONFUSED AND REJECTED. THERE SHOULD NEVER BE ANY NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES FOR REFUSING SEX.

The fact that I think it could come across as a bait-and-switch to say "Let's both have an early night - no, not for sex!" does NOT mean that I think negative consequences for this are OK, for God's sake!

I think it’s odd that you automatically assume ‘having an early night’ means anything sexual.

Thats a you issue.

ByRealOtter · 16/04/2026 15:36

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 16/04/2026 02:07

Is he suffering from
PRE MANSTRUAL TENSION?

Definitely had one on him.

Seen his arse arse that day.

I call it Pathetic Man Tension 🤣🤣😊

Pessismistic · 16/04/2026 16:51

Oh op your manchild cannot cope without you cooking him a lovely dinner he’s being a twat he’s thought you have your machines see if I care I will just eat what you spent time on baking for our baby because I am also a child didums next time your baby needs a drive for a nap don’t even tell him where you’re going then come home when he’s asks for dinner say oh I can’t be arsed tbh.

kohlrabislaw · 16/04/2026 17:44

@Tomcdonaldaornot have you had an apology yet? Is he cooking for you tonight?

saskia80 · 17/04/2026 00:06

Are you OK? Any update?

Candy24 · 17/04/2026 00:41

saskia80 · 17/04/2026 00:06

Are you OK? Any update?

Hoping things have calmed down.

rainbowsparkle28 · 17/04/2026 00:51

Of course YANBU. You asked if he wanted you to get anything, he said no. That was his option and choice provided by you. He said no. So now he needs to get a grip, he is a grown ass man for goodness sake, and (unless big bit of info you have missed out!) is perfectly capable of getting his own food whether making or takeaway or whatever if not happy with your suggestion.

EnthusiasticPony · 17/04/2026 15:41

Sorry but my OH would be disappointed too. We usually eat together unless he's out on a job then it's every man for himself!

nomas · 17/04/2026 15:47

.

nomas · 17/04/2026 15:48

EnthusiasticPony · 17/04/2026 15:41

Sorry but my OH would be disappointed too. We usually eat together unless he's out on a job then it's every man for himself!

Disappointed by what? By his wife managing a baby who missed two naps and is therefore taking baby out in the car to give her a nap and visit the McDs Drive-Thru?

Have you married one of these Chuckle Brothers too?

EnthusiasticPony · 17/04/2026 16:15

nomas · 17/04/2026 15:48

Disappointed by what? By his wife managing a baby who missed two naps and is therefore taking baby out in the car to give her a nap and visit the McDs Drive-Thru?

Have you married one of these Chuckle Brothers too?

Nothing could be further from the truth. Mine is the most generous of souls, but cutting him out of a meal because you are little tired? Really?

nomas · 17/04/2026 16:17

EnthusiasticPony · 17/04/2026 16:15

Nothing could be further from the truth. Mine is the most generous of souls, but cutting him out of a meal because you are little tired? Really?

How has she cut him out of a meal? She offered to bring him a meal back.