To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

@GwstA lot of schools are good as defined by Ofsted but can really struggle to maintain that. Some will have been yoyo schools for decades and parents will have gone to the schools when they were poor. They might be better than that now, but the parents don’t have faith in them and are concerned about behaviour. No child learns well if behaviour is poor. I’d not assume all parents are wrong and I would remember they can justify what
they think to some extent and might have greater in depth knowledge than you do.

Thr violence was bad in the state school I sent my child to, but the disruption in classes is what really increases inequality. When we moved my child to mainstream private she said the biggest difference was that the teachers taught for the full lesson. I think I read a stat somewhere that something like 25% of lessons in Scottish state schools are spent by teachers dealing with disruption. If you’re missing out in 1/4 of your education what hope have you?

The first step in improving education in the worse state schools is the complete clamp down on violence and disruption because it is this that’s ruining the poorer kid’s life chances.

Absolutely, I’m sure there are those who generalise (this thread proves it actually!) and more fool them but I know enough teachers in enough areas of the country to know that there are widespread problems with behaviour management and lack of parental support. These problems are less present where the school has the option to not take the pupil in the first place or the ability to shift the problem when it presents (private/grammar).
The OPs issue actually seems to be they thought everyone was like them and they were going to gentrify the area together and now she’s missed the boat to do the same for her little darling

Yeah agree with this, I’ve lived in my town my whole life so have better knowledge on local schools than someone who’s just moved here and looked at ofsted. The school that got a “good” ofsted and has all the expensive equipment fucking sucks, catchment area is scruff city and parents dealing drugs in the playground. The bullying that goes on there is crazy.

My kids school apparently requires improvement and once got inadequate. However it’s an amazing school and actually gets the best sats results in town which you can look up online. Ofsted is complete bullshit. These schools are actually less than a mile apart but the culture is completely different

Great that it's a good school. And if it were a terrible school? Would you send them anyway or would you look elsewhere?

Locally we have generally good schools and one with a terrible reputation and the results to match. Why wouldn't local parents want to avoid it?

Sounds like they have higher aspirations for your children than you do 😣

@Bunnyfluffo Ofsted is all new people have to go on. Msny schools are now academies and there’s no record of their previous inadequate ratings! They change the name of the school. It’s only parents who have been around for 20-30 years who know the history. The big danger is a school becoming a yoyo school and not remaining good. A well run school can certainly maintain good but many in challenging areas really struggle with that.

OP have you read the threads on here from teachers and parents at schools? How some of the children behave. How some of the parents behave?

Do you think a child has a better chance in a more affluent area, given what is said? Because I do. As a parent your job is to choose the best you can for your child. If you don’t you’re a crap parent.

Well I’ve just read some of OPs other posts. She’s asked for opinions, the become very defensive when people don’t agree with her? 🤷‍♀️

Wtf?! I am a bad parent for not moving to a more affluent area? I thought this thread couldn't get any stupider but wow

And I should move ASAP based on a mumsnet thread jesus wept 😂

I’m a creative type. I find it insufferable when people make sweeping generalisations and can’t resist dropping in that they went to a “prestigious” university.

I went to school in Ireland, qualified as a teacher there and taught there. When I came to the UK and started teaching it was very hard for me to get my head around Ofsted. I can't actually imagine an organisation that could do more harm to education than Ofsted. It is pure poison.

That's not what the post said. It made a general point that part of being a good parent is doing the best you can for your children

So if your specific children are in a good school, there's no issue for you, is there?

We are probably middle class. Nice rural lifestyle. Child goes to a good rated school that I was keen for him to go to in a village setting. They missed (and I missed but I’m not a professional in that sense) that he is completely blind in one eye. Maybe another bigger school would have spotted it. Who knows.

I think my point is people always try to do what is best for their children but it still goes wrong. I’m not saying don’t try but life loves a good curve ball.

I worked in an “outstanding” state school in a deprived area. Its academic results were unparalleled in the borough. The Nursery parents wept if their children didn’t get a reception place and it was always over subscribed. The majority of the families were not middle class, but some were moving in as the school had a good reputation. I must say the families were lovely. It was a nice community, but very deprived.

Even there we were safeguarding against Year 5 and 6 children being recruited to drug gangs.

I rest my case 🙄

You have to give the poster credit for saying the quiet part loud - i.e she believes more affluent=better. That's what a lot of posters on this thread believe but they won't admit it.

Or a skint parent.

A skint parent is a bad parent, obviously.

“Prestigious University”- are you not the same as thd people you dislike?

Presumably that bit is covered by the best you can

No, I am not, why do they blether on about class?

Are they wrong though? Often it does equal better.

https://equalitytrust.org.uk/family/

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=epi.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/EPI-Annual-Report-2018-Lit-review.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjE2tKD_O-TAxWmV0EAHZ0OEY4QFnoECE8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw2c1NRPoYJPM5qFJJmReDGt

OP, I grew up working class in social housing. I went to a bloody awful, rough secondary school in a deprived area in a large city. It was horrendous. I saw some really disturbing things (violence, sexual harrasment) and was always scared. Just tried to keep my head down and not be noticed for the whole time I was there. All the schools were like that. It wasn’t the worst one in the area! My parents didn’t really have much choice.

I didn’t want my child to go to a similar school so we moved out of the city and into a commuter town with generally good schools. DC is very happy at secondary school. I’m not a snob. Just experienced a shit school first-hand and the detrimental effect it had on me.