To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

I don't agree with private school on an ethical level but also no way we would ever be able to afford it anyway so it's besides the point! My parents might have been able to afford private school if my mum had worked full time instead of being around before and after school but that had its own benefits.

My partner went to a private school (his parents put themselves out to pay for it) and had a fairly dubious experience, teachers done for sexual abuse etc. That's just one person's experience but it's not that black and white state school is crap private school is great.

I am open minded to me being biased OP, because I went to a private school, and don't want my kids going to the local deprived secondaries. However, I don't feel like I am a snob because I choose to live in an extremely deprived area, and happy for my children to go to an extremely deprived (but very good imo) primary school. I'm happy for them to go to very deprived youth clubs that snobbier friends turn their nose up at. I wouldn't send them to private school, even if they were offered a full scholarship as I don't want them to only socialise with privileged peers. But I didn't/don't want them to go to our mixed sex catchment secondaries, and one of my reasons is because I work next to one of them and the behaviour outside of it is appalling, I also used to get a bus that passed another at home time and I witnessed assaults to other passengers, bullying, vaping, harassment of disabled adults and children and just awful behaviour. Unfortunately I do live in a grammar area though so we have high schools not comprehensives, and I think that makes the behaviour issues worse. See

No interest in sending my two to the local state schools as a form of social experiment. We are taking the financial hit and sending both private. Supportive, nurturing environment with an emphasis on learning and taking advantage of the opportunities on offer.

I agree OP. Poverty is associated with crime, risk taking and ill health. If you’re already privileged, your children won’t catch any of this stuff just by being in the proximity. They never say, “I’m a bit of a snob and don’t want my children mixing with riff raff” even though it’s obviously what they mean.

Does anyone remember that horrid attack on two girls perhaps one on a pavement near stained?
The girls attacking where getting "advised" by their mum's on what to grab and hit and kick .

Id rather my DC didn't go to schools with parents like that thanks.

Are you actually saying that poor people are risk taking criminals whilst being well off makes you immune and simply an angel? A bit like OP saying that drugs are homeless people's problem and won't affect her MC acquaintances?

What planet are you guys living on?

Perfectly reasonable choice, but the "stick out like a sore thumb" is the bit I'd take issue with. Unless you're choosing schools based on race and you mean visually, then that just sounds a bit arrogant. It simply isn't the case that the non-grammar state schools are so full of only underachieving kids that a single grammar-capable child would be that unique. Be at risk of underachievement, quite possibly, I agree, but stick out like a sore thumb, no. Comments like that (or about how the speaker's child would have been "eaten alive" if forced to go to their local school) are exactly the sort of hyperbole that irritates people who do use those schools. It's just not that binary.

I fail to see how planning to send my kid to a local school constitutes a "social experiment" 😂

What I said was that drug problems can affect anyone, but the issues with drugs the people I am talking about are referring to is that there is a visible population of homeless drug users in our town centre

There are no snobs like British middle-class snobs (BRIMS) with the possible exception of some Indian castes. I live among them (the BRIMS, not the Indian castes) and am far too familiar with their attitudes. I suppose I'm one of them, too, although I don't lump myself in with them. I'm able to talk to people from all walks of life, unlike my relatives and friends. My late dad had a cleaner, a woman my age, who lived on a notorious "rough" council estate. We became firm friends. I can't imagine many of my relatives and friends being so. My friends range from her, and a nurse, and a very ill-spoken police officer, to people who earn a million-plus a year, in law and consulting. Most BRIMS have nothing like that range of friends. And I have family who will not be friends with anyone who isn't one half of a respectable married couple.

My cousin always said "appreciate" as "appreshee-ate". But after watching Downton Abbey, she suddenly started saying "appresee-ate." 🤣

In short, you're not wrong, OP.

Many PP have described moving into a good catchment area. I wonder if this misses a trick, though. Obviously houses in those areas sell at a huge premium - we can see on here how desired they are. If you are a bright parent, you can stay put, guide your child's education, and also pay for some tutoring if needed. And have a better standard of living house and garden wise, or invest the money you'd otherwise spend on the fancy-catchment house. And these days, unis lie Durham take account of where you went to school and may give an adjusted offer. Oxbridge does this too. I think there are compelling reasons not to rush to a fancy catchment and pay through the nose. I think there are studies saying that it's about the child's background rather than the school.

It’s not about riff raff, it’s about kids who want to learn and don’t spend 99% of a lesson disrupting he class. Ppl who say things like that don’t understand how bad some schools are in

Middle class people pay the taxes that fund everyone else's UC.

As someone who has both attended and taught at private/state schools, I am prepared to scrub floors after the Great AI Recession to send my child to either a private or a state school in a good area.

On what grounds do you object to private schools on an ethical level? Parents who pay for private schools pay their taxes that fund the state schools, so they essentially pay twice. Have you ever even attended a private school? I doubt it. I actually think there should be some sort of tax write-off for parents who use private schools and the 20% VAT is outrageous. I look forward to Labour's demise at the next election.

I've attended both private and state school despite being firmly working class. Unfortunately my dad hated the fact I was at the private school and when my parents split he pulled me out. Despite the fact it didn't cost him anything as I had a scholarship

It was pretty shit going to an east London comp after that but I can level with people from all walks of life now

IME people who can talk to practically anyone and do it all the time happen to have been at boarding schools 😁

When we pay taxes that go on education it's not to educate our own specific children but to pay for educating the population as a whole, which may or may not include our own children for some of our tax-paying years. By the way I've attended both types of school and used both for my kids at different times, I'm not opposed to private education and people choosing what's best for their kids, but I do get sick of the clichés like "we pay twice you know" and "we're leaving a space for other kids by going private". The bottom line is that, while I don't think private schools should be banned, if an alien flew down from space and banned them (the only way it would ever happen), so everyone had to go to their nearest state school, those state schools would be better because people with power would finally be invested in them being good instead of just opting out. I'm not saying that's what should happen! But hypothetically if it did, it would probably improve things, so I don't buy the disingenuous arguments (altruism-washing?) about paying twice or freeing up spaces by going private.

Calling an area "fruity" doesn't even make sense. "Fruity" was used in the Seventies to mean something slightly sexual, and the other use was a pejorative term for a homosexual male. Funny how she was being snobby about the area yet couldn't even find the right adjective!

I agree. The sheer number of holidays the BRIMS take is obscene. Especially the retired ones. Totally self-indulgent and no thought for the environment.

@Neurodiversitydoctor
Yes Blackpool sprang to my mind immediately

I suppose I'm one of them, too, although I don't lump myself in with them. I'm able to talk to people from all walks of life, unlike my relatives and friends.

That’s because you’re a much better person, far more enlightened than your tight arsed Anglo parents. Destined for amazing things, diplomacy perhaps, maybe an Ambassador? No doubt your air miles are justified as they’re ‘travelling’ and therefore a cultural experience?

Welfare programmes in the US are organised by each state. So the US might not have a federal programme for something, but individual states can be very good. An example is paid maternity/paternity leave. There's no federal programme except that your job must be kept open for eight weeks after a "natural" birth and a few weeks longer if you have a C-section. But some states have maternity leave paid at 80 percent of your salary for many months, which is much better than the UK gov's provision.

🤣🤣🤣

I don't travel enough to have air miles. It's self-indulgent and bad for the environment.

And I'm closer to retirement than I am to the start of my career, so no ambassadoring for me, thanks!

So, can YOU boast friends from cleaners to radiation oncologists, hmm? Bet you can't top that range.

I win! 😂

"Utter pond life" - Jesus! 😲

Lol did have a spell in a children's home so maybe similar