Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moral dilemma - hen do

269 replies

CatttS · 14/04/2026 10:57

I’ve been invited to a friends hen do - she’s a good friend but I’m not tasked with organising (thankfully!).

The itinerary has been shared and one of the proposed events is a male stripper show.

I’ve told DP in the past that I’d be upset if he was to attend a strip club, and whilst this isn’t strictly the same, I don’t think I’d be happy with him attending an equivalent event.

Everyone who has replied in the group chat has said how excited they are and are looking forward to it.

I could potentially not tell DP about it and attend. I don’t want to come across as awkward by declining to attend and it’s my friends hen so I want to be there to celebrate with her.

YABU - you need to decline
YANBU - Attend, don’t tell DP, it’s a white lie

OP posts:
IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · 14/04/2026 19:07

CatttS · 14/04/2026 19:03

Appreciate all the replies, I’ve decided I’ll bite the bullet and attend so I’ve confirmed my attendance on the group chat. Wish me luck 😅

Nah. You're a piece of work.

I'll wish instead that someone mentions it at the wedding and your DP realises his other half is both a hypocrite and a liar and calls you out on your shit.

sweetsadine · 14/04/2026 19:13

IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · 14/04/2026 19:07

Nah. You're a piece of work.

I'll wish instead that someone mentions it at the wedding and your DP realises his other half is both a hypocrite and a liar and calls you out on your shit.

Show quote history

Yeah maybe she can be put in the stocks as punishment..🙄

Original poster
CatttS · 14/04/2026 19:14

IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · 14/04/2026 19:07

Nah. You're a piece of work.

I'll wish instead that someone mentions it at the wedding and your DP realises his other half is both a hypocrite and a liar and calls you out on your shit.

Show quote history

Hopefully he doesn’t post for advice on here - he has never been a fan of ducks!

OP posts:
Everanewbie · 14/04/2026 19:17

All fine, but presumably the lap dancing club is no longer out of bounds for dh? I’d buy the poor bastard a private dance.

WonderingWanda · 14/04/2026 19:22

I would hate to watch a male stripper, what a cringey thing to do. I just wouldn't go to that bit....or just go and sit at the bar and play games on my phone. Dh once rang me, decades ago to come and collect him from a night out because a group of mates had gone to a stip club and he said it made him feel really uncomfortable, he said it felt degrading and tacky. I just don't get it.

ClaudiaWankleman · 14/04/2026 19:29

BillowingSail · 14/04/2026 18:50

I agree that stripping can and frequently does exploit vulnerable people. I think it's wrong either way and would never endorse it. But I do think the power dynamics are different, and while I wouldn't expect people to know about Holbeck it made a profound impression on me. It's an inner city area with high levels of deprivation, and men were driving in treating all women and girls as fair game. Girls in school uniform were asked for sex, a woman with a buggy was offered money by a man asking for half an hour with her toddler and sex workers were assaulted (one murdered, as I mentioned). There is no world in which all of that is done to men and boys by women, so when people try to draw an equivalence between male and female consumers of sex work and say 'it's just the same' or 'women do it too' I think of that situation and just think...no, it isn't the same and women don't do that. I think a hen do licking cream off a male stripper on stage is gross, but it isn't equivalent to the way that men treat women involved in sex work, from stripping to street prostitution. Virtually all sex crimes are perpetrated by men, and any kind of sex work exists against that backdrop and that imbalance.

Show quote history

Ok I don’t disagree with what you’re saying but it is drifting further and further from the matter at hand, which is stripping. If there were a men’s red light district I would be agreeing completely with you.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 14/04/2026 19:29

What was the point of posting on here asking for opinions when you have just done what you wanted to anyway despite the majority of posters saying you should be honest with him and tell him the hen plans upfront?

What a hyprocrite you are going to this when you have made it clear to him you would be upset if he did the same.

Hope he finds out and goes straight out to book a lap dance.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 14/04/2026 19:30

Everanewbie · 14/04/2026 19:17

All fine, but presumably the lap dancing club is no longer out of bounds for dh? I’d buy the poor bastard a private dance.

Lets start a go fund me for one for him 😂

MaggiesShadow · 14/04/2026 19:41

So, your only objection to your boyfriend going to strip clubs is that you feel fat/too skinny/something else compared to strippers?

What if he decides he's too self-conscious to have you looking at oiled-up six packs. Will you refuse to go then? Or is that only ok for you?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/04/2026 19:43

CatttS · 14/04/2026 19:06

I’ve told him I’m attending my friends’ hen, if he asks for details I’ll confirm what is planned.

Show quote history

You are a crap partner.

HalzTangz · 14/04/2026 20:05

Can't you pop to the loo or pop outside when the stripper arrives and return when he's gone

Reallyneedsaholiday · 14/04/2026 23:43

CatttS · 14/04/2026 14:45

I didn’t expect so many replies, I am struggling to keep up and read them all!

In terms of why I won’t speak to DP. I guess I’m worried he will say it’s fine and at the back of his mind it will give him a free pass to do similar in the future.

I am body conscious and he knows this is why I don’t want him to go to a strip club.

I do want to attend for my friends hen, it sounds fun, I’ve just got to come to terms with not telling DP. I guess it’s only a white lie, and he’ll be none the wiser as he isn’t on social media (not that I expect there to be many images from this event).

I hope this is a wind up and if by some insane chance it isn't I hope he finds out and dumps your lying hyprocrital arse. He deserves so much better than you.

Lemonthyme · 17/04/2026 11:33

CatttS · 14/04/2026 19:03

Appreciate all the replies, I’ve decided I’ll bite the bullet and attend so I’ve confirmed my attendance on the group chat. Wish me luck 😅

Massive hypocrisy. Daft.

Your choice.

Hope you do this before you go though:

  1. Admit it to your partner. Because if he finds out later it will be WAY worse. (What if someone posts something on social media?)
  2. Share with him how much you now realise you had set unreasonable boundaries that in retrospect were too tight.
  3. Now you've been invited to a similar event yourself you realise that it's more fun than sexual.
  4. Tell him that you have removed that red line for him and deeply apologise.
  5. Offer to pay for him to visit a strip club. No, I'm not joking.

Why you'd set such hard boundaries I have no idea. MN seems to be full of people who do this with partners then expect them to comply. Which I think is both cruel and unrealistic. Then why you'd break your own boundaries I'm even more baffled why. Is it worth damaging your relationship for? If your partner had secretly gone to a strip club despite your boundary and you found out, how would you feel?

hellomylov3 · 17/04/2026 11:40

God I think people really need to lighten up , it's supposed to be a bit 0f fun.

Everanewbie · 17/04/2026 12:14

hellomylov3 · 17/04/2026 11:40

God I think people really need to lighten up , it's supposed to be a bit 0f fun.

Yeah that's all fine and dandy if she wasn't all po-faced about him and strip clubs.

ThejoyofNC · 17/04/2026 12:19

hellomylov3 · 17/04/2026 11:40

God I think people really need to lighten up , it's supposed to be a bit 0f fun.

What's fun about being a liar?

Livpool · 17/04/2026 12:23

Lemonthyme · 17/04/2026 11:33

Massive hypocrisy. Daft.

Your choice.

Hope you do this before you go though:

  1. Admit it to your partner. Because if he finds out later it will be WAY worse. (What if someone posts something on social media?)
  2. Share with him how much you now realise you had set unreasonable boundaries that in retrospect were too tight.
  3. Now you've been invited to a similar event yourself you realise that it's more fun than sexual.
  4. Tell him that you have removed that red line for him and deeply apologise.
  5. Offer to pay for him to visit a strip club. No, I'm not joking.

Why you'd set such hard boundaries I have no idea. MN seems to be full of people who do this with partners then expect them to comply. Which I think is both cruel and unrealistic. Then why you'd break your own boundaries I'm even more baffled why. Is it worth damaging your relationship for? If your partner had secretly gone to a strip club despite your boundary and you found out, how would you feel?

Show quote history

Completely agree!

I am sure OP would LTB if he did the same…

Lemonthyme · 17/04/2026 12:45

hellomylov3 · 17/04/2026 11:40

God I think people really need to lighten up , it's supposed to be a bit 0f fun.

I would treat it as a bit of fun. 100%. Actually, that's not true, but that's more linked to my preferences and how crap a job most men do about understanding the female gaze. (I mean most men stripping is just corny and naff IMO.)

But what I wouldn't do is have been a complete joy vacuum about my partner ever going to a strip club. I know he's been in the past, it doesn't bother me. But I don't think you can be both "lightened up" by having fun at a strip club when you're denying your partner from doing the same.

Munchie1965 · 23/04/2026 09:51

Years ago I saw a few videos of male stripper nights in pubs and some of the women in the audience were sucking or kissing the male strippers dicks ! The guy would be walking around the audience with his dick out approaching tables where it looked like they were up for it.

I thought this was fairly common at these sorts of shows so am surprised no one has mentioned experiencing this on here.

Maybe things have calmed down and this phenomena was before camera phones were so ubiquitous. And no it didn't look false or a set up for the camera. You couldn't fake those reactions The audience just looked like ordinary working class English women on a night out.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page