Would you come to my “birthday “ get together?

[Donotfitin]

I haven’t had a proper birthday party (with acial friends) in like 10 years, but I feel like I now have enough close people to invite (4).

the problem is that they don’t know each other, and one in particular has never met any of them, and I’ve never been out with her before (she’s my “school mum friend”) . Would it be weird to invite her? Would it be awkward for her?

I know I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been in this position before.

The “main 3”? so how many would you be inviting?

dont don’t do this @Donotfitin . I totally get that you’re happy and excited to have friends for the first time to celebrate with. But don’t try to force an image that you imagine. This group just isn’t a group that is going to work for a fun filled, relaxed, giggling, celebration evening.

And you DH is someone who doesn’t have a single friend himself so I don’t think he’d be the man for the job!

TBF he has colleagues who are more than colleagues but they just never hang out outside of work (there’s 2 of them, lovely guys).

and he’s friends with two of the husbands but those 2 kind of hate each other (but keep it civil) around us.

He’s met the SAHM husband a few times, but he’s more a friend to me than to him so to speak, and the other one who we’ve never met.

But let’s be clear - he’s not going to enjoy entertaining for an entire evening is he!

He normally falls asleep!! Which with friends who know him is ok, with others mmm not so much.

Right so rule that out
Don’t do the dinner with a group that is just not going to end up being a fun filled joyeous evening. Don’t try to create an evening because you have an image in your mind of what you think a group of close friends would do for someone’s birthday. this is not the group for that.

just do something on an individual basis that you feel comfortable with. And enjoy

Then I wouldn’t do that, I’ve always felt it’s kind of sad (which why i haven’t celebrated in so many years…)

This is what you need to unpick. Why is it sad? Why do you feel a bigger group is necessary?
It's better to do something meaningful one to one (and repeat with the different groups) than to host a superficial evening which isn't going to give you what you want. It sounds like you have this romanticised idea of friendships and want to make that happen, but often those shown in films or TV stem from years of friendship and common factors (shared childhood, grown up together, going through similar life events at same time - marriage, kids etc).

Because I do all sorts of fun things with them all the time (individually tha is) . I’ve always loved to celebrate my birthday in big ways before I ended up with no friends, that’s not something that to do with TV or anything….

But why? You want to do something big, do you think this will make you happy in some way?
What if you get people together and people don't really chat, sit in awkward silence or just make small talk?
Is that really better having a group of people making pointless conversation (weather, politics, any other general topic of conversation) than having time with friends at a deeper level?
I still think this is what you need to unpick. You seem to think it's normal to have a large group celebrating you, but unless you are an incredibly outgoing person who engages in multiple groups (work socials, hobbies, friends from other areas of life, big family) then this doesn't happen.

Like what? What sort of fun stuff do you do with them individually “all the time”. And be honest with yourself

This is so spot on

You will come away feeling deflated and upset. Instead carve out your own way of holding on to friendships that makes you feel comfortable

before I ended up with no friends,

how did this happen?

OP I really think a birthday present to yourself would be therapy to unpick all this

We go to slinger discos, jazz concerts, fashion shows, we’re going to a “woods tavern” later in the year…. Plus the semi regular “house sessions”.

I don’t need therapy to understand that there’s a high likelihood of having not a lot of friends when you move countries in your adult life.

Ok op. I hope it goes but not to have a single friend at your wedding is more than just moving countries

Why would that be? My friends couldn’t afford to come over here for the wedding, and my DH refused to get married where I come from as then his family could not afford to travel either it was some sort of catch 22 at the time.

Ok
Hope it goes ok

Awww so sorry OP about your wedding. I have noone to invite to mine either so we’ve postponed. X

i wouldn’t postpone if I were you, I’d just elope!

It’s complicated 😭

You’re a couple in your fifties and you’re disappointed your presumably very elderly folks aren’t contributing?

and if your relationships with your family have so catastrophically broken down that none of them want to come to your wedding… how likely is that to undergo such a seismic shift @OneNewEagle ??

Just seen this isn’t the wedding thread we’re both on @OneNewEagle !

I'd be very happy and flattered to be invited to a small birthday gathering like this. I wouldn't mind at all not knowing people if it is a very small group. For that reason I would keep it to just the friends, not the partners, unless you are good friends with the partners too. I think it would be fine to either suggest meeting for birthday drinks out somewhere, or drinks and nibbles at yours, or cooking some simple food at yours are all fine, whatever suits your style and their location. Meeting just for drinks can be tricky if people have far to come and need to eat!

If it is drinks out then you should buy the first round, but I'd be amazed if people let you buy more than that.

I’d much prefer to meet somewhere, that way I don’t have to prep my house or worry about food, etc….

3 of the ladies are local, but one would have to drive for like 40mins