Would you come to my “birthday “ get together?

[Donotfitin]

I haven’t had a proper birthday party (with acial friends) in like 10 years, but I feel like I now have enough close people to invite (4).

the problem is that they don’t know each other, and one in particular has never met any of them, and I’ve never been out with her before (she’s my “school mum friend”) . Would it be weird to invite her? Would it be awkward for her?

I know I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been in this position before.

It often happens for hen dos.

God this thread is very MN - not really understanding the angst, do people really only feel comfortable going to social events if they know all the other attendees? How do you ever meet new people in that case?

I think the advice to keep it low key is about right, drinks or a casual lunch/dinner at your house or a meal or drinks out (so long as not too fancy or expensive a venue unless you're paying) - I think it's absolutely fine, indeed expected at that kind of event that some people will bring their spouses and some will be single or not bring their partner, and naturally the plus ones will often not know as many or even any of the people but that's perfectly ok. If at home it's nice to have an activity on hand in case conversation lulls but it doesn't have to be anything big and extravagant - in fact I'd personally find it a bit OTT and cringe if you had some kind of pro arrive to belly dance/teach mixology/do magic tricks Come Dine With Me style - something much more low key like a game would be better (lots of good card/board games for adults/parties these days), an element of the food or drink that guests help assemble or decorate, or even watching a film or event on the TV is fine if it's something the group will connect with. Just something to break the ice or fill a silence.

If you are really worried about one person in particular not knowing anyone else, can you delegate keeping an eye on them and chatting/bringing them into conversations either to your DH or to a chatty/sociable friend?

I’m mostly worried about her because we’ve never socialised outside of school (apart from a big party I had a few years ago) and children’s parties.

You had a big party years ago but are fretting about lunch in a pub?

Yes but it wasn’t a birthday party it was a house warming party and we basically invited everyone and their dog (literally! As a dog did come)

but I find a birthday part a lot more intimate

As a person who doesn't do 'small talk' I'd prefer a meal where everyone is seated in one place. I hate parties where you are expected to circulate.

How about ‘Drinks in the Garden’ inviting ev for drinks, pizza and cake. Deliberately very low key and relaxed first time round. Bigger and more expensive events can be kept for when you know and like all the partners and they have all met each other so …next year.
Have a lovely time!

Yeah I think it would be awkward. You have 4 friends who don't know each other (going by your original post) yet want them to join you for a birthday celebration. I would do something with the friends individually as that is quite a small number and it will just lead to forced small talk.

Mmm it would have to be in the afternoon (I would assume) and that could easily turn into a “play date” considering my 6yo would be awake and then would ask why his friend isn’t here.

Go for it OP! There’s nothing strange about it at all! I’m sure they’d love to come. Mumsnet isn’t the place to ask about social engagements….there’s a large contingent who are just plain weird!

I think you're over thinking it. Just decide what you want to do for your birthday and then invite everyone ...

I always find these sorts of threads a bit odd as how else do people make friends than meeting people they don't know?

For example I recently had two friends and my sister round for drinks. They all know each other now but they'd have never met if I hadn't at some point invited them to something when they didn't know each other!

@Donotfitin I wouldn’t bother. Just do 4 separate meet-ups to celebrate your birthday.

Yes, I'd love to go to a dinner full of people I've never met, especially when they don't all know one another either -- potential friend opportunity, or at the very least meeting new people with the imprimatur of having a friend in common.

I’m actually one of those that wouldn’t go to a small get together (or big one) if I only know the birthday girl. (which explains why I don’t have that many friends!)

Ive gone to one of my friends birthdays but I think my DH was invited too. That same friend has invited other friends to her parties, the reality is that I’ve never become friends with any of them.

I would invite the women only for tea and cake at my home or drinks and nibbles. Let them get to know eachother, then extend to the partners

One of the nicest things you can do is bring friends together (that don’t know each other already). Thats how new friendships and friendships groups form. We don’t do this enough in the uk, it’s sad to keep everyone separate.

Drinks would be better.

I think something like dinner out is really hard to do when your friends are all from different arenas of your life and don't know each other.
Sidenote: I actually think this model of adult friendships is much more common than people realise, I don't know many people who as adults are in a 'friendship group' that do loads together. I have a reasonable number of friends but like you there's the mate from a job from a few years back, a couple of friends from my existing workplace, an old uni friend or two, a couple of 'mum' friends etc. Tbh like most people I'm too busy with work, family, kids etc to be maintaining a group of friends and social activity around that.

Crack on. Invite them all. Do drinks at yours and a substantial amount of finger food.

this kind of stuff really annoys me as a woman in my 40s. In my 20s we thought nothing of just inviting people along-people would make knew friends and groups would grow and evolve. Now I have loads of friends that complain that they never meet anyone new-whilst being really precious about who to invite where and not mixing groups.

its one night, if they get on great, if one person feels a little awkward and doesn’t mesh, they’re an adult I’m sure they can handle it for a few hours.

YABU to overthink it, just invite whoever you want and people will come or not.

I think it would be fine. Sounds like you would be having what was once called a dinner party. Few people new each other at these events but were happy to meet new friends and make an effort to get along.

Yea but it would be “depressing “ if people decide to not show up considering I haven’t celebrated my birthday with friends in many many years

Do something that requires a firm yes or no RSVP. Maybe a meal out. With an RSVP date. Then you will know who wants to come and celebrate with you. Much easier than a party where people might or might not show up.

Yes, I'd be fine. I am not sure social but this seems very relaxed and a small number so all fine.

I used to be like that too but the more i do things the easier it becomes! Also I've accepted I don't have to be best friends with everyone (I used to be majorly jealous of all my husbands friends girlfriends hanging out but they just weren't my people)