Would you come to my “birthday “ get together?

[Donotfitin]

I haven’t had a proper birthday party (with acial friends) in like 10 years, but I feel like I now have enough close people to invite (4).

the problem is that they don’t know each other, and one in particular has never met any of them, and I’ve never been out with her before (she’s my “school mum friend”) . Would it be weird to invite her? Would it be awkward for her?

I know I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been in this position before.

What makes you think you don’t fit in with people @Donotfitin ?

Remember everyone who takes up an invitation will feel obligated to turn up and socially contribute to the evening - so don’t worry about that

how on earth can you know that @Cochinn

I’m a bit of a snob, and I’m very specific about the people I like.

Well in that case… I can’t say I’m surprised that this is the first year for many many years that you’ve had a group of friends you think you could invite to celebrate your birthday.

Not really. Anyone could cancel last minute. If they don't gel they might just find the evening a bit pointless and after a short amount of time go home (not sure how long you plan to be out for).

Then they would reveal themselves to be socially ignorant with very poor manners - and deserved to be relegated from OPs top tier friends list.

Well considering the whole point is because the OP didn't think she had enough friends to do something with then I don't think she will necessarily be binning them off.

There are some social groups where it's hard work and if I have had a hard day at work then I will decline going out last minute if I know I won't really enjoy myself. Likewise if I did go it might be a polite show my face, have a cola and then leave within the hour.

Because that’s a basic social / cultural contract as well as that the OP has already spend time with each of them in various social settings - so they must has behaved otherwise she wouldn’t go out with them again surely.

It doesn’t sound like there are enough friends for “tiers” to apply

I revise my vote, I would not like to go to your party

Me neither
and i doubt this group will
but we shall never know!

Oh and explains “no one to invite to my wedding”

The difference is that I now own it, whereas I didn’t use to. That doesn’t make a bad person though!

@Donotfitin

in what way do you think you are a snob, OP?

I tend to get along better with people with university degrees, that have travelled the world, that have a good general knowledge, and aspire to perfect themselves. Ironically my DH is not necessarily any of that but I still love him dearly.

but for example the friend I sometimes get tired of, said the other day that Norfolk was in the “North” and next to Manchester.

Dear god this can’t be real

Eh! If you just focus on nice people, the circle will widen. I shall now forever think of Northfolk. If you scale up and think of England as a tiny part of your vast, well travelled world, in relative terms Northfolk is more or less next to Manchester

I just can’t! I used to feel empty and like I was the problem in the past because I tried and tried, but things wouldn’t flow. Then I started “owning” it and life became 100x lighter.

But you haven’t had friends for many years if not decades if you had nil friends at your wedding. So does that mean in all these years you never came across people with degrees who had travelled?

as for aspiring to perfect - this tells us a lot. A lotta lot .

It’s fascinating isn’t it @Ophir - when suddenly all becomes clear as to why an OP hasn’t had friends for so many years . Although the zero friends to invite at the wedding was the first indicator.

Not really, I got married exactly 5 years ago.

Realistically I only really ended with zero friends once I moved out of London and started a fully remote job (which was more than 14 years ago).

Through work, I’ve made meaningful relationships just they’re not local! and things have changed, I now have a group of friends in London I hang out with and who I would 100% go on a birthday party if I lived there!

It’s become clear.

The whole thread has become clear! I'm glad I didn't invest in it 😁

So SAHM said she’d come out for a drink but definitely not dinner

I am utterly crap at Geography OP. I actually dated a Geographer briefly who despaired of me. I got laughed at by family relatively recently for saying that until a few years ago I used to think Wales was somewhere near Scotland.

I have two degrees (one a Masters).
A teaching qualification
A diploma in a certain type of talking therapy that I also teach.

I run my own business as well as my work.

What I am saying is, not being knowledgeable about one particular thing can sometimes be down to not being particularly interested in it, or it just being one of those things someone can't pick up on easily--we all have those!

What it doesn't mean, is that they're inherently stupid, which is what you seem to be implying.
And/or not worthy of intelligent company.

But I mean that’s just the latest one….

She also called me a creative/artist type (and went on about it) when I’m a data analyst and I literally don’t do anything creative like ever…. My best friend who is an actual artist found that borderline offensive (to her).

Asked if my new job was remote (my industry is fully remote as there’s no way I could get a local job within my industry and she knows it).

And there’s the whole thing of making “old fashioned” comments about gay people when our son is gay (and she knows it!)

Then when she met the consultant she said something like “you really do like your designer clothes you too, don’t you?” (With a slightly snarky tone), and my consultant friend just replied “that’s what we work for!”

the point being that it’s now necessarily about geography knowledge, but rather word vomiting if you want to call it that.