Would you come to my “birthday “ get together?

[Donotfitin]

I haven’t had a proper birthday party (with acial friends) in like 10 years, but I feel like I now have enough close people to invite (4).

the problem is that they don’t know each other, and one in particular has never met any of them, and I’ve never been out with her before (she’s my “school mum friend”) . Would it be weird to invite her? Would it be awkward for her?

I know I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been in this position before.

That’s what I would call an amazing idea! (And would b me absolutely my preferred choice!) but my only worry is that it would end up getting pricey, but I can ask the local place to see how much it would be.

I think it’s a lovely idea @Donotfitin

Id invite them to yours for a casual dinner, or lunch. If you have a garden maybe have a game like pétanque or something ready in case it’s needed for something to bond over!

This. Especially if it’s such a small number of people. It will be awkward and the pressure will be on you to make sure things flow. Definitely do an activity that will keep everyone busy and you can chat around that too.

It would have to be at dinner (due to the DC) but I’m slightly apprehensive because one of the husbands has been explosive and I don’t know it then feels like a massive mix of people rather than a “petite committee”

And you are right to be afraid of this - especially if you never get around to actually inviting them … and / or leave it so late that they are already booked up in June. How many will you continue to run with it if a few can’t make the date?

Ahm probably I wouldn’t do it. But the SAHM would be my first port of call as I know the other 3 would go

If it was a nice dinner or some drinks, I would go.

If you wanted me to paint pots or play ping pong, you wouldn't see me for dust.

in the end it’s horses for courses . I wouldn’t do any of the crafty/sporty things they sound like hell to me.

I agree. Not a close group of friends… in fact the opposite. Out for dinner together? No

I can’t get over the OP not having one single friend to invite to her wedding… this quite sad

The saddest bit is that I actually wanted a big wedding, but no point getting sad about it these days.

And I think you now want the kind of birthday celebration that just isn’t on the cards with the group of people

That’s not true until she asks! Go for it @Donotfitin- you’re doing well to intentionally work hard to build connections over the past few years and to ask for guidance on here - do what suits you for your birthday - give it a go and go with the flow - enjoy yourself - it’s a huge piece of self development / personal growth. Go for it - but get the dates nailed down soon as June is busy socially for many.

You have misunderstood

Even if she does ask… this night is not going to be the big birthday, laughing,
chatting, enjoying one another’s company and celebrating their friend @Donotfitin with this mix that the OP has described in considerable detail

It seems that most of them have already socialised together already with @Donotfitinas the common denominator - so she must have a clear expectation of their general agreeableness and is not concerned there will be a scuffle! But looking through the posts it seems the SAHM is giving her concern as she mentions this a few times.

Yes but two of them tolerate each other,’one of whom the op has occasional ups and downs with.
1 has never met them

That’s a very concise summary. I do think the “main 3” could still have a decent time.

Just invite all of your friends plus their partners to your birthday BBQ (or equivalent) at home.

According to my DH that would be a bit odd/awkward - and ultimately my DH has to do some of the the entertainment, so probably not a viable option

Yes. This

You’re over thinking it @Donotfitin

Invite them all, and kids, and just have a fun time

with kids would definitely be the opposite of fun (to me anyways)

Honestly, you need to chill a bit

I think it sounds nice!
But I understand as I have a few friends who know each other and know me and I stull feel weird about arranging a birthday thing. But maybe this year!

Your social anxiety is because you are over responsible - anyone you invite to a party has a social obligation to participate and engage and therefore everyone entertains each other - because you have laid on the opportunity. Decide what you want to do and get the invites out. It’s not a once in a lifetime experience if you want to do girls in a restaurant only then just get on with it.

Have you decided who and where yet? Or are you still paralysed and overthinking?

ive never been paralysed about the where and who….
but I’ll talk to the SAHM first and take it from there