Would you come to my “birthday “ get together?

[Donotfitin]

I haven’t had a proper birthday party (with acial friends) in like 10 years, but I feel like I now have enough close people to invite (4).

the problem is that they don’t know each other, and one in particular has never met any of them, and I’ve never been out with her before (she’s my “school mum friend”) . Would it be weird to invite her? Would it be awkward for her?

I know I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been in this position before.

Ahm let’s see…

I’ve been friends with the SAHM for like 5 years, although I’ve known her husband for 7-8 (we used to work together). Have never been invited to a birthday celebration.

The bohemians (who are our closest friends), I’ve known them for at least 8 years, but became close around 5 years ago. She invited me to a weekend away for her birthday but didn’t go. However, I’ll definitely go out for this year’s birthday dinner (I’ve already got her a present).

The “civil servant” I’ve known her for 4 years but realistically she’s close, but don’t always get along with her, I’ve been to a few of her birthdays (at least 2, and we celebrated her on Saturday by accident).

The consultant, I’ve known she existed for years, but only met in person last September. We really like each other (we’re super similar).

Ok in that case… I’d just do drinks. Definitely not dinner.

But to me (which I don’t think they know!) it’s almost like a one off situation. As I really haven’t celebrated my birthday with a group of people for many, many years (the only time in between they were my exH friends but I liked them, so I thought it was a decent get together).

I didn’t have any guests to either of my weddings, nor had a hen do, so this is a big deal to me .

I went to a similar gathering for a friend's birthday who like you had a small number of friends who didn't know each other. We met for lunch and it was really nice. I think lunch is lower pressure than an evening thing. In the case of my friend, she put a ps after the lunch invitation that she was planning to go to a particular film afterwards and we would be welcome to either join her or not, no pressure, and a couple did so.

But if it’s a big deal to you (as you’ve just said), don’t think it’s expensive and you like nice things but know at least one friend would struggle to afford it then why not? It would be a nice thing to do for your friends and seems to mean a lot to you.

But in any case if steak and cocktails is what you want to do (and it’s your birthday after all) then decide if you’re including husbands or not and then message the friends to see who would be up for it. If enough of them are, then you can work on a date. For that I’d set up a WhatsApp group with whoever is coming and put a poll for dates - eg the Friday/Saturday before/after so four options and go with the majority.

If your birthday is in June then I would be worried about people able to attend - what would you do if 2 couples couldn’t come? I think you need to throw out a range of dates to work out which one is best. Also at this stage I would go for a Friday night as more likely to get everyone together.

Summer is really busy socially for many with weddings, BBQs, sports stuff, garden parties etc - there are only a few weekends before it’s impossible to get dates because of holidays. I’m fully booked now until September so if you are trying to get 5 couples together it might be tricky.

I mean technically she wouldn’t struggle, but I know she’d find it pricey (she literally has millions in the bank) but a meal out for the ladies plus me (because once you add the wine, etc… and I’m “generous”’when I go out) would end up being £300+

I would not invite the husbands to the restaurant

Are all these people at the same life stage - eg have young children like you? That will make it easier for them to have something in common to start but if they are very different ages, characters, lifestyles, etc you might need to oil the wheels. I don’t think I would take 10 people who don’t know each other out to a restaurant meal - it’s too many people and you don’t get to speak to everyone - also sometimes people feel stung with the bill if someone is drinking / or not etc. I think a dinner in your house would work well - informal but where people can sit down - I think standing / bobbing about at a drinks party with nibbles is tedious - I want to sit down. Also don’t like the idea of ‘organised fun’ games etc sort of defeats the object of free flowing conversation!

I think this £300 would be a good investment in you social life and a treat for yourself. Your girlfriends are more likely to gel on their own in a smaller group and it would be much easier for you - expect probably not much different in cost if you were feeding and watering 10 at home. And no hassle.

It would be seen as a very generous treat and each of them would reciprocate over the next 6 months - so that’s your social life sorted until Christmas!

Nope, I definitely would not pay for their meal, seems more awkward than not.

Id rather give them options (which aren’t that many) and then they can vote or something.

They’re all in semi different life stages….

one has children in their 20’s, one has teens, one has a pre-teen, and the SAHM has small children.

the age range is also something like 38-52 (which I think is fine!)

they all have very different life styles too, one likes designer stuff and nice cars, one likes to travel on a budget, the other one likes going to raves whenever she can, and one is crafty and loves Drambuie.

Personally I don't see the point.
I would rather socialise with them individually, having a proper conversation than making small talk or having to find common ground. So if I was one of your invited guests and knew it was some random others I would probably make an excuse not to attend.
That is just me though.
If it was a bigger party (e.g. like where a friend had a 50th celebration recently) where I knew a group of school mums then it is different as I could stick with the people I knew and everyone mingled within their own groups (work friends, friends from various clubs etc).

If you're inviting them for a birthday dinner and don't intend to pay, make sure they are aware of that beforehand.

I didn’t have any guests at my wedding (and I did t have a hen so) not because I chose not to. I simply didn’t have anyone to invite.

if I have had people to invite to either of them (or to invite to birthday celebrations) I would have.

You didn’t have one single person at the time of your wedding that you considered a friend? I take it making friends is something you have very much struggled to. So it’s great that you now have 3, however I wouldn’t recommend a dinner celebration. They don’t know one another and they sound very different.

Do you socialise with them? Been out for dinner? Drinks? Coffee?

No, not really. I did everything on my own. Buying the dress, choosing my flowers, etc… It did feel lonely tbh.

but yes I do socialise with them, I’ve only never socialised outside each other houses with the SAHM, and some of them have socialised together (with me as the known/joint element).

Absolutely wouldn’t think twice about accepting an invite to drinks or dinner where I only knew the host, and if he was invited DH would happily come too. Meet new people, chat, have a nice meal or an evening out. What’s not to like?

Wait so…. They are friends in their own right and have socialised without you? I didn’t think they knew one another.

When you have socialised with them - what have you done?

Who came to this then?

No, no. I’ve always been with them when they’ve met. We’ve been out for drink sometimes, sometimes they’ve come to my place, we’ve been out for dinner.

Mostly my husbands work colleagues…. Plus these friends who were newish friends by then.

That’s an interesting question… because at least two of the couples (who’ve met and have come to ours for NYE for example) tolerate each other, but I would never say they enjoy each other’s company. It’s definitely somewhere in between. The ladies get along a lot better BUT they’ll never be close.

This is so strange that you’re even considering a dinner with all of them. “Tolerate”? I mean, on what planet do you imagine this intimate dinner would be appropriate?

also - you say they have socialised together without you - and yet they’re not close?

back in Feb you didn’t really have friends, now you have a few, which is great but I think you’re running before your walking.

does your husband also not have friends?

No that’s a misunderstanding, they’ve never socialised outside each without me.