Would you come to my “birthday “ get together?

[Donotfitin]

I haven’t had a proper birthday party (with acial friends) in like 10 years, but I feel like I now have enough close people to invite (4).

the problem is that they don’t know each other, and one in particular has never met any of them, and I’ve never been out with her before (she’s my “school mum friend”) . Would it be weird to invite her? Would it be awkward for her?

I know I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been in this position before.

This is what I would do. Drinks loosen people up. Nibbles so no awkwardness of sitting down to eat and figuring out dynamics that go with that. Games give people something to focus on that isn't one another (just make sure you have a good mix of those, not just cards against humanity or trivial pursuit)!

You’re overthinking this!

Personal preference for me would be dinner at yours, I’d be delighted if my partner was invited too and I’d definitely bring him even if he didn’t know anyone. He’d be fine with that. At some stage people meet new people! We can’t only meet up with people we already know 🤣

I have a personal thing against games…. My exH was/is a games collector and spent hundreds every single month (one of the reasons I divorced him!)
they definitely make my eyes twitch.

I don’t mind trivia style games though, but I’m not entirely sure my guests would appreciate it if I’m honest

Agree with pp just have them round for some snacks and drinks. Some music on in the background and it won’t be too much pressure.

The only one we’ve never met apparently is super keen to go on double dates

I'm clearly the only one thinking if he a swinger? 🤔😆

In your circle maybe, not in everyone's. It's nonsense like this that stops people socialising.

if I go out for a friends birthday I'm more than happy to pay for myself.

See I'd do the opposite - I think a slightly bigger group (around 8-10 people) has less potential for awkwardness than 3-4 - and like it or not a lot of people do feel more comfortable socialising if they can bring their spouse. The only thing I'd avoid is one single person and 3 or 4 couples as that can be awkward if people don't know each other well. 2 or 3 single people and 2 or 3 couples is a nice mix.

do you think they'd get on in any social setting?

what would YOU like to do?

personally I don't like all the different aspects of my life colliding, so I'd see them separately. The times I have mixed them together I haven't really enjoyed it as they're all di different it just wasn't relaxing.

How about going to a cultural or other kind of event instead? Cinema, dinner, late night at a gallery would be the sorts of things I'd do. Then you don't have to talk, and you can have dinner or drinks afterwards and you all have something to talk about.

That’s an interesting question… because at least two of the couples (who’ve met and have come to ours for NYE for example) tolerate each other, but I would never say they enjoy each other’s company. It’s definitely somewhere in between. The ladies get along a lot better BUT they’ll never be close.

i think my “mum friend” and her husband would get along with the bohemians, and I think my “mum friend” husband would like the ex CEO (or would like to learn from him).

and then the blokey bloke and the civil servant would probably get along with the ex CEO and his wife, but I don’t think they’d necessarily gel with my mum friend and her husband.

I have just put my guest list together for my birthday. They range from my friends DH who has very limited English and is the most gentle soul you could ever meet to a rabid outspoken leftie husband of one of my friends to my Landlord mate and my mate who I suspect may vote reform, a political journalist and my ex trade Union buddies. DS was actually laughing about who would make good buffers between certain guests.

I am having it at home with DS and his GF mixing cocktails and a buffet that will be partially bought in and partially put together by me. There will be a dart board and things like connect four, guess who and jenga left on the table in the conservatory and my retro gaming machine that has a thousand games on if people want to play.

I think hosting for ten in total is just enough to have a mingle.

Edit I wild come along plus if my friends don’t get on that’s down to them.

I think you know that you're overthinking this.

I'd be more happy to do something with a group of friends of a friend than the suggestion of everyone bringing their emotional support spouse. That's doubling the number of strangers for everyone to encounter!

When you say "birthday party" I think dancing and music and decorations but from the posts I've skimmed, you're thinking more of a meal? But not where you want to go because it's too expensive for one person? So maybe a meal at your house? Or drinks?

I'd go for a less fancy meal - probably at one of those street food places where you can get all sorts of different foods and drinks but all sit together. Then drinks after somewhere a bit fancier. That way, you've got a more affordable food option but it's still fun and a bit casual and I think eating together with new people is easier than just drinks as there's more of a natural rhythm and food as a conversation starter. Also, at those kind of places, everyone usually orders their own on an app or at the stalls so you don't have to worry about splitting a bill or whatever.

I've seen some people suggest an activity. I'd not be so keen on that, it makes me feel a bit anxious to do "organised fun", it's like social team building. A meal feels celebratory but more chilled and natural.

Are you in the UK? What about one of the Lounges? Again, people can order their own via the app so no bill splitting chaos and people can choose their own budget. They can go for something big or tapas or more lunchy, people can have wine or cocktails or hot drinks or whatever.

A craft?

Shows you how different we all are, I've never done a craft with friends in my life!

@NoctuaAthene I see what you mean, diff’rent strokes. I suppose I’m basing my approach on the friends I have now

i feel the Lounge is just a fancy Spoons and would never choose to go there for my birthday.

I’d rather go somewhere “bougie” but we only have like one option in our town (or a fish place but I don’t think they’d do as many drinks as the steakhouse)

I think this sounds like a great option! We also do a lot of BBQ's which are also great for different couples to mix, depends how soon your Birthday is?

This. I love meeting new people and would happily come 😀

My birthday is in June but we have two dogs who won’t be very good at a BBQ setting plus, because of the time of day it would end up being with kids, and thanks but no thanks.

I like meeting new people and would be happy to go to your party. I have gone on city breaks/ hen dos when I’ve only known one person.

I never would have (in fact I was in that situation last year and got super stressful for me).

You sound very particular about what you want. You don't want to go to a lounge as that isn't fancy enough, you don't want to host just the women as that becomes a playdate, you don't want a BBQ as the dogs will be an issue...

Why don't you just name what you want to do and accept that others might not want to (you mentioned somewhere expensive).

I tried to mix my friendship groups and the people that didn't know the main group all declined. So just ended up being the smaller original group.
Maybe make it something super casual at home or a more simple dinner out so no pressure.

i never said I did t want to just host the ladies… it’s hosting in the afternoon that I’m against

If these four friends are social and outgoing then it will be fine. Happy birthday 🥳

One isn’t! The other three are (to varying degrees).