Would you come to my “birthday “ get together?

[Donotfitin]

I haven’t had a proper birthday party (with acial friends) in like 10 years, but I feel like I now have enough close people to invite (4).

the problem is that they don’t know each other, and one in particular has never met any of them, and I’ve never been out with her before (she’s my “school mum friend”) . Would it be weird to invite her? Would it be awkward for her?

I know I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never been in this position before.

it all sounds very stressful for you so I am going to suggest you forget the idea! The last party
i ever had was one I was 12 years old. I too overthink these things so am happiest not doing anything except with very close friends and family and let them organise it,

Last year i did supper for 16 and many did not know each other. Loads of food, long table, wine flowed and lots of different chat and it was great to see friends from different parts and times of my life coming together. I kept it very casual, introduced people and DH kept glasses topped up etc. you are over thinking it, people will come and want to celebrate with you.

What about something like a ‘paint and sip’ class in a local wine bar where you paint a bag or a canvas while chatting and drinking, there will be other people there too so less pressure? Or a cheese and wine night? Quite often small wine bars/cafes put on small events like those that might be quite nice and relaxed.

I think something like an afternoon tea would be best, fun but informal, no one has huge expectations of a ‘special’ meal , no discussions about who had a starter, who had wine. Also quite celebratory and after all cake is essential at a birthday.

It sounds like you are keen to celebrate your birthday on your terms and then trying to squash a disparate group of people together so that you have a group to share the experience with. I would separate the two things: organize a random night out or BBQ at home that isn't tied to your birthday and invite everyone so there is less pressure to feel you are having a special occasion or compromising on the activity or venue, then do what you really want for your birthday with one or two closest friends or your family. You will then know who does/doesn't gel and can tailor group invites in future. Plus will the SAHM and her DH even have a babysitter?

But then that wouldn’t make it special at all, so what’s the point?

and yes the SAHM does have babysitting as her parents live like two blocks away from her.

@Donotfitin what would you like to do? We’ve heard about what you don’t want to do or can’t do but what ideas have you had that you could share to see what others here think? Are you willing to cover the costs and - if so - to what budget?

Well realistically I just wanted to go to the steakhouse or just for drinks (at the same place). I don’t honk it’s that expensive you can certainly get a main for £23 and a cocktail is like £10.

Option b is the fish place but not the biggest fan, and option c would be a “fancy” pub but im
not a big fan.

Why is there the pressure to invite everyone to the same thing? Why isn't it special to just celebrate at different times doing things different people enjoy?

Choose one couple to go to the steakhouse with, whoever you are closest to or think would enjoy that the most. Then do drinks or something else with another couple.

Drinks: yes. Dinner at pricey steakhouse: probably not.

I'd go to this.

Because that’s the whole point that I know have a “decent” number of friends.

otherwise I would have don’t it with the other friends in previous years.

I go for dinner for friends birthdays with their friends who I’ve never met all the time. I’ve also gone as the only person who doesn’t know anyone when everyone else is friends. It’s never been awkward because everyone makes an effort to include everyone.

I’d also be happy to bring my husband if that was suggested.

I really don’t think this is that big of a deal. It’s only dinner or drinks?

So how about you message the 4 friends and say your birthday is coming up and you’d like to go to the steakhouse for dinner with them and your 3 other friends and ask if they’d be up for it?

It would be nice if you could cover the cost of a main meal for everyone and then they cover other courses/drinks. But if you can’t then just give them a rough idea of costs.

Then if you get positive replies, suggest some dates and book a table.

You have to take into consideration that not all 4 couples may be available on the date in question and you also have to make an allowance for someone not making it last minute, unwell, kids sick. Etc. realistically you need to consider how the night will go if it’s you and your DH and only one maybe two other couples who don’t really know each other .

I’d come and meet your other friends. Happily.

I wouldn’t enjoy the double date scenario though. I’d probably decline if husbands were there too.

I would cover a round, but I’ve never been to a birthday celebration (not that I’ve been to many!) where the birthday person pays for the guests….

I was on your thread you started about not having friends @Donotfitin so this is a great development!!

Agree. With 4 people who don't know each other you definitely need some external stimulus rather than relying on conversation as the entertainment. If an activity doesn't appeal than at least go somewhere where there is something happening, music, other people, food, to spark conversation and hold interest if they don't immediately all gel.

Yes I have a new one! We’re very similar and really get along, which has made me think about having a birthday celebration. I feel like I’m “socially strong”
so to speak.

How long have been friends with them? What did they do for their birthdays?

But that's my point, what is more important on your birthday, the activity or bringing your friends together? It sounds like you have made some great connections with individuals which is really positive but you are placing a lot of value on this event. Invite everyone to the steak restaurant, realistically with a group of individuals who don't know each other some will come, some won't, due to expense, being busy or just not fancying it. It's not a one off event like wedding or hen do where people will go out of their way to attend so do the thing that will make you happiest and enjoy the company of those who can make it.

This. If you were my friend I'd happily come to a meal where I only knew you. I'd rather come without my husband though.

Yes, but I’d prefer dinner or lunch provably rather than drinks. Either at yours or out, but if you’re inviting people for your birthday you should probably pay, host, or choose a cheap place.

I'd go to something casual like drinks or a get together at your house. Not sure I'd go for a meal if I didn't know anyone.