To book a Gp appointment to discuss dd contraception options.

[Thisisntasavedname]

Because I’ve been made to believe I am. I’ve been searching on here for help on this and I’m seeing a lot of posts where people are saying that it is up to dd to book her own Gp appointment.

For background dd is 14. She has had a boyfriend for a few months. Recently, they have been spending more time together and I just have a feeling dd should go on a contraception.
We have discussed things around consent and infections etc. Whenever I ask dd if she needs to talk to me about anything she just says no. I’ve asked if she wants to go to the go to discuss this and she said no. I noticed something of concern ( which I’m not going to discuss here) which makes me think contraception is needed.

So, would I be unreasonable to go ahead and book the appointment? Surely a teenage pregnancy would be worse than a mum taking her daughter to a gp to talk things over.

If this is how scared you are of contraception, the risks of pregnancy are going to blow your mind.

'Pumping full of hormones' is such a melodramatic, hyperbolic and ridiculous way of describing perfectly safe and very sensible medical intervention to prevent pregnancy which would be far worse for a 16 year old than the minuscule levels of hormones introduced by an implant.

YEAR 9 or 10

You remove the opportunity for anyone to use her body until she is old enough to consent.

You can force her to attend a GP appointment. You can force her to take the pill or use a contraceptive. You can't stop her having sex. She will do it if she wants. Banning her seeing her boyfriend isn't going to help.

I'd sit and talk to her about consent. I'd discuss sexually transmitted disease and different types on contraceptive. Pregnancy isn't the only thing that needs preventing. I'd talk about intimate photo / video sharing which is a huge problem in her age bracket. I think thd sexual health clinic is a more appropriate place than the GP for her age but you can't drag her there. I'd leave condom in a visible and accessible place. If you have friends with your children I'd ask them to get her to baby sit for them.

this is hilarious; while this is the ideal: for some teenagers they will have boyfriends / girlfriends when they are still at school whether you want them to or not.

its just that in your case; your kids won’t tell you

I can guess the evidence you found and that means she’s already having sex in your house.

you know that she knows that and that should inform your conversations

I did get pregnant at 16

‘They’re going to do it anyway’ where and how, if like any decent parent you know where your 14 year old is?

Oh for fuck’s sake.
OP is talking about booking her daughter a gp appointment. The dr will not and cannot force the daughter to take hormonal contraception. What they will be able to do, with the daughter’s consent, is ask OP to leave the room and have another discussion with this teen about her sexual health. GPs are trained to do this. They see this situation every day. She might be happy to discuss these things with a doctor even if she really doesn’t want to talk to her mum about it. If this 14 year old is having sex or is even interested in having sex soon with her boyfriend, then preventing pregnancy is really important. Yes, sometimes hormonal contraception has side effects, but do you know what is statistically more dangerous than hormonal contraception? Pregnancy! There is a reason midwives take your blood pressure every time they see you in the clinic when you’re pregnant. Having a baby in your mid teens is also far from ideal health wise - you’re more likely to have complications because you’re body hasn’t finished growing yet! And having a termination also involves massive doses of hormones that mess with your cycle for a while. Condoms are good things and should always be used to protect against STIs but learning to use them properly is a learning curve and relies on the boyfriend. Abstinence is great in theory but it only works until you have sex. It’s not encouraging a sexual relationship to push your possibly sexually active 14 year old into seeing a doctor. Maybe the 14 year will decide she doesn’t want to take any hormonal contraception yet - but if she’s been to the doctor once to have this discussion she will be more confident to go again - possibly without any input from OP, if and when she decides she does want to use contraception.

Unfortunately I don’t think there’s any stopping it like people suggest on here. If she’s going to have sex, then she’ll find a way. Lord knows I did when I was that age, under the guise of seeing friends or whatever. However hideous it sounds, keeping them in a public space won’t stop it either, they’ll likely find somewhere.
Personally I do think your being sensible having the discussion about contraception and if she would agree to you booking the appointment then 100% with you on taking her (think I was 15 when I went with my mum).
The ideal will always be them not doing it until 16, but if they are, best to be open and honest and educated than trying to stop it and it going on behind your back

Absolutely this,she's 14 not 16,you still have control over who she sees .

Do you have a Brook Advisory near you. They are geared up to young people.

Ok so let’s not have any age limits for anything, ever. If they’re going to drink/take drugs/get a piercing/get a tattoo/drop out of school they’re going to do it with or without your permission. So let’s simply allow them to do whatever they wish while a parent watches on, at least making sure all the risks are mitigated as far as they can be?

I’ve said the same to my kids to be fair! Just to give them a really high bar. Yes, I have three teens who know they’re supposed to focused on their education, their friends and sports.

Year 9/10 at school (ages 14-15) not age 9 and 10.
I think opportunity needs to be minimised - our house, living room, door open type rules. But it really depends on what the individual situation is. I’m not sure anyone knows what they would do until it actually happens.

Wow. I met dh at 17 - 25 years later still together. That’s some serious controlling parent behaviour. It’s like the two extremes on this thread.

what’s controlling in what I’ve said?

Telling your dc not to date until uni.

I think ideally she would go to the GP but I would tread very carefully about trying to strong arm her into it.
It sounds like you communicate with her and you've talked to her about this. I'd keep doing that. Make sure she is well informed about the risks of unprotected sex. I'd also talk about not rushing into things just because of peer pressure or boyfriend pressure.
She's repeatedly told you she's not having sex. She may or may not be lying. It's a very tricky thing to deal with because short of not letting her go out at all you can't control everything she does.
Frustrating as that can be as a parent, it's part of the growing up process. You can inform her, guide her, but you can't control her.

17 and 14 are extremely different ages.

I didn’t say I’m actively enforcing that they don’t date until uni. Obviously that’s not possible.

But it’s my value of trying to focus on education, on who they are before they couple up.

And it worked for you and I’m happy for you! Everyone is different.

But enough derail

I guess every child is different and every approach should be individual

I agree that you are removing a lot of her ability to say no to sex if you put her on contraception. It's saying I don't mind if you have sex or I think it's a good idea to have sex at 14 or even worse everyone has sex at 14. You should be discouraging sex at 14 not assuming she is having sex and facilitating it.

Two have been through university, the third is in high school. The oldest is getting married to her university boyfriend next year. All happy, popular and not damaged at all by not having childhood 'relationships' or sex.

I'm always confused by posts that express horror or shock at a child not being allowed a boyfriend or girlfriend. Like young teenagers are some unparentable creature that won't respond to being raised right or reason.

There are so many realtionships that are far more important to a child. Family, friends and most importantly getting to know themselves. The only girl I knew at school that had sex had terrible self esteem. Her parents didn't really care about her education or where she was. She still followed the pattern of needing male validation and to 'be with someone' into adulthood.

But DO that many 14 year olds want to have sex?
And even if they think they do, just don’t facilitate it. My parents would have gone MAD if I had been sleeping with my boyfriend, even at 16 and they were very very loving and we had a close relationship ( and still do).
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with disapproval and saying in no uncertain terms that they are not to get that involved.
More difficult at 16/17 but at 14 she’s still a child!!