To book a Gp appointment to discuss dd contraception options.

[Thisisntasavedname]

Because I’ve been made to believe I am. I’ve been searching on here for help on this and I’m seeing a lot of posts where people are saying that it is up to dd to book her own Gp appointment.

For background dd is 14. She has had a boyfriend for a few months. Recently, they have been spending more time together and I just have a feeling dd should go on a contraception.
We have discussed things around consent and infections etc. Whenever I ask dd if she needs to talk to me about anything she just says no. I’ve asked if she wants to go to the go to discuss this and she said no. I noticed something of concern ( which I’m not going to discuss here) which makes me think contraception is needed.

So, would I be unreasonable to go ahead and book the appointment? Surely a teenage pregnancy would be worse than a mum taking her daughter to a gp to talk things over.

Good grief this is such bollocks.

If, God forbid, OP’s daughter was groomed by an older man, everyone would be crying out ‘but you’re her mother! Why did you let her go off places without knowing where she was! Why did you let her meet up with him! How could you not know about her secret life?’ They wouldn’t be saying ‘ah well, if she was going to do it she was going to do it’.

And the fact you think it’s EITHER facilitating and enabling a 14 year old’s sex life OR a chastity belt and being locked away is 😂😂

There’s a lot of lazy parents here discharging their tougher parenting duties at the expense of their kids’ long term health. Don’t be one of them OP.

That's not a chance I would be messing with the hormones of the 14 year old girl like this. Do some research on the effects of being on hormonal contraception for years.

What is concerning you? Your job is to keep her safe and if she's unsafe when she's unsupervised with her boyfriend then obviously you don't allow it.

OP it’s a tricky situation. When is she 15? I assume boyfriend is the same age as her? I personally wouldn’t condone it and would make it hard for her to see him without adult supervision. I’d also make sure she was aware of everything That can go wrong with sex, discuss consent and give her condoms for if she does decide to push ahead against your advice.

I wouldn’t make her an appointment unless she asked me too.

If she is a sensible girl she may have already looked into this and sorted her self out at a sexual health clinic.

It sounds like it would be a total waste of a GP appointment.

Yes - totally fine to book one on her behalf if she’s showed any interest at all. Not fine to frog march her to one. Also keep in mind that GP appointments are brief and GPs cover a very broad range of stuff so it’s luck of the draw whether get an appointment with one who’s good at talking contraception options with reluctant teenagers.

A more constructive approach might be to look into youth sexual health services in your area, and find a way to make visiting that easy. Whether that’s dropping her off outside and giving her the option of hanging around and getting picked up or actually talking to someone there is then up to her. Or providing bus money. There’s also the angle of ‘you’ll need to know options one day, I’m well out of date, go and have a chat with someone who knows the current info now, well before you need it’.

This is why the dc have always been told no relationships until university.

A 14 year old should be having fun with friends, sports, hobbies and concentrating on their education.

Not wasting precious time and energy on a relationship that is 99% likely not to last, but which may have lasting affects on their life.

Breaking up around gcse time. Unwanted pregnancy. Immature boys spreading rumours or images around school. Feeling pressured into a sexual relationship. Loss of friends. Coercive behaviour they are too young to deal with. Abuse.

Heartbreak and sexual pressure is completely unnecessary at her age, and the adults in her life should have raised her knowing this. I'm glad my parents did, it took a lot of the social pressure off.

But that's my point - IS DD consenting?

That will be for the GP or sexual health professional tp asess, contary to what others have said- they do have extensive training and experience in this !

I wouldn't force medication, that increases the chance of developing breast and cervical cancer, on someone so young if they don't need it.

Why can't you trust what your daughter is telling you?

Your kids aren't 'allowed' to have a boyfriend or girlfriend until university? Have any of them actually reached teenage years yet??

OP I think you're getting an unfair rap here, not sure why. PPs don't seem to realise that if a 14 year old wants sex they will find a way!
You've rightly emphasised consent. Can you now sit her down again and say you want to plan ahead so she's ready for when the time comes. If she agrees you can then take her to the doctor but don't go in with her. The doctor will call you in if appropriate.
The important thing is not to push her away and to do everything you can to keep lines of communication open.
Obviously you'd far far prefer her not to be sexually active but you do need to cover all bases, just in case.

My son was with a girlfriend at school for two years (age 15-17) without having sex, she didn't want to. Maybe your daughter genuinely doesn't want to?

So what responsibility over their 14 year olds do parents have?

It also reduces the risk of ovarian, endometrial, and colorectal cancers.

THIS!! This should be the first discussion. Sounds like you are almost encouraging her.

if her boyfriend suggests it she may feel that she “should” be having sex / it’s totally normal given that you are encouraging it so much.

you shouldn’t be putting a 14 year old on long term contraception early “just in case” when she isn’t having sex.

what a bizarre world we live in.

have you considered that we don’t post from naivety or prudishness but from our own experiences with very underage sex?

OP, I’d move mountains so that she doesn’t get opportunities. 14 is far too young and I wish my mum would have looked out for me.

If that fails and the horse has bolted then yes I’d make sure it’s safe etc but I wouldn’t enable it

Well worth taking her. Although many mnetters will say this is dreadful, if there's a thread on when ppl first had sex there's many that have started in early teens.

At my school this was the case, also many teen pregnancies.

Well they don't have the right to force them into taking medication they don't want to, is that what you mean?

Same here - had cool groovy parents who let me have ‘sleepovers’ with my boyfriend when I was 13 onwards. Had the contraceptive ‘chat’, I went on the pill, but guess what? It turns out young teens aren’t very good at remembering to take it and I got pregnant anyway. I wish they’d just said no bloody sleepovers. I should never have been allowed the freedom that I was, I had no excuse to say no as I was constantly bed sharing with him and ‘we’ve done it before’

Those remarks that 14 yos will have sex if they want to are so laissez faire.

Yes they may do if it's normalised by their peers and family but there are so many things parents can do to put them off - stop alone time, talk to them about risk, help them fill their free time with healthier activities, keep an eye on friendship groups and dynamics.

The age of consent exists for a fucking reason. It's to protect young people aren't ready for the pressure and risks of sex.

OP, none of the above is judgement on you, it's clear you're trying to support her but I think you need to stop them being alone together rather than pushing for her to go on the pill.

My DD is 15 and is in her first 'real' relationship. I booked a doctors appointment for her and told them I wanted the bar put in her arm. Two weeks later we went back and she had the bar put in. She is not sexually active yet but I was at 16 so I am taking no chances. She quite happily went along with it and now I don't have to worry about pregnancy for three years. She said she will get it put in again in three years when you have to change it. Our GP seen us both together and didn't ask me to leave the room at all although I would have been happy to do so.

This is really sad. Her developing body is being pumped full of hormones to inhibit its natural cycles, and she isn’t even sexually active. Poor girls - of course, no parent will be pumping their son full of hormones when he isn’t even having sex yet.

9 or 10? Seriously?

Its not sad it's responsible. The GP agreed with me that it was the best course of action. She is absolutely fine with it in no side effects. I had my son at 16 and my daughter is nearly 16 and has told me when she's 16 she is going to progress the relationship so I am doing all I can to prevent pregnancy. Call it what you want but I am only preventing pregnancy.

My concern is a 14 year old girl might feel pressured to have sex by her boyfriend or peers and by you taking her to the Dr it could actually pile the pressure on. Hormonal contraception has side effects too and she's still going through puberty.
I think at 14 I'd have a conversation about condoms instead and lots of conversations about consent and STI/pregnancy risks.
She is your daughter though.

When I was around 15 and wanted to lose my virginity to my boyfriend I was very grateful to be able to ask my mum to make a GP appointment so I could get the pill. She didn’t judge me or say she was disappointed - she didn’t “facilitate” us having sex but we would have found ways anyway- I will be forever grateful she wanted to keep me safe more than she wanted to lecture me!