to be annoyed she is texting hearts to him at 11pm?

[BadMrsFrosty]

My husband was texting with his ex from many years ago yesterday.
Apparently she had a dream about him and got in touch after finding out a close relative passed away.
I have not seen the conversation and would never check my husband's phone, but I did see her last message to him at 11pm ended with a heart emoji.

We are middle aged and have been married forever. We have children. We are not immature 20 year olds and the relationship with this lady happened more than 2 decades ago.
But we have been working our way out of a rough patch in the marriage, and now I feel deeply annoyed.

Am I overreacting?

Probably!

No, I don’t think so.

Depends what it says .. I put “hearts” on messages to show I like something. Was it a romantic message ?

Depends if your husband is encouraging it. If he's encouraging it, it's him you should be annoyed with, imo.

possibly overreacting cos you’re feeling fragile ….depends a bit if the rough patch was due to him flirting, I suppose

I don’t think it’s too odd if DH told you about it … it’s quite common to say ‘sorry to hear about xx’ have a bit of back and forth on general chit chat, and end with ‘all the best 💕’

I haven't looked at the messages.
but the fact she got in touch to "check on him after having a dream that something bad happened" (his words) is a little bit cliche and I find it really irritating.

Agree. I put hearts on lots of messages to friends. One of my friends often replies with a heart if I’ve sent her a photo.
So it really depends what the messages were, it could be just friendly.

@AbzMoz the rough patch was not due to flirting but due to lying about financial decisions.
But he only told me today and we were literally in bed last night when they were texting. So I'm pissed off.

Ok. I guess I'm over reacting.
I am a bit of a moody cow these days 😂

Nah, that’s weird. She had a dream? Is she single?

Some people heart everything these days. Doesn't seem to be age dependent.

She is single. I think she is separated from her long term partner that she met after my husband and her broke up.

But I'm not sure. My husband doesn't seem to know for sure either.

If he's gonna cheat, he'll cheat - no amount of being annoyed will change that.
It will probably fizzle out soon enough, they're having a catch up and like it or not, they share a history. My partner goes in flurries of texting his ex, either she gets in touch over something or he does and off they go chatting, then nothing for months, sometimes a year or more.

Of course he knows. Look further than your nose. Texting at 11pm, including hearts? Rough patch in marriage? Be wary.

I honestly don't care about the texting.
I just find the whole "I had a dream thing" so pathetic, like some desperate person trying to claim they have telepathy with someone they dated 20 years ago.
And equally irritating the fact he fails to mention it until a day later, as if I'm some jealous wife who gives a f*
But as I said I'm a moody cow at the moment and this too shall pass by the morning.

I do it so often to family/friends, that i have twice inadvertently put them at the end of messages to the male primary HT and to the HoY (y10) as well.as to less embarrassing people but still not appropriate!

If I was sending sympathy to someone I would.probably add one.

Ehh? Am I missing something? Wt actual fuck is an ex texting for, unless they've got kids together, I'd be livid, no ex is getting in touch because hey they're just friends, fuck off, shit stirring, and I'd be livid not because I'm a jealous cow, but because I wouldn't have them taking the piss, I wouldn't dream of being in touch with an ex of mine and I wouldn't want my husband to be in contact with his either, unless they had to because of kids.

I text my male friends hearts but I'd also never put anything in a message I wouldn't be happy for their spouses to see.

In this situation, I think it's OK to ask to see the messages.

No man should be texting his ex from the marital bed. That’s a fucking joke. YANBU!

I love your pragmatism. I'm like this too. I find the sentimentalism of "oooh, I've had this really weird premonition and I just want to know you're ok" so crass and pointless. If you're lonely try online dating.

I'm madly in love with my husband. I'm good friends with an ex, and friendly with his wife. We socialise with each other (all four of us sometimes). I'd text him a heart from bed and neither my husband nor his wife would bat an eyelid. They both know we wouldn't touch each other with a barge pole lol. Not all exes are the same.

I wouldn't care what the circumstances were. If an unrelated woman texted my DH & worse she added hearts I would be absolutely livid unless it was a work related issue. If my DH responded I would be even more outraged. I'd let him know in no uncertain terms this is crossing the boundaries of marriage & is totally unacceptable. Brazen doesn't even begin to describe this woman. You have every reason to over react.

In your situation OP i'd need to see the messages, to see whether your DH is encouraging it or not. If he's just being polite in return I wouldn't care.

It is a bit weird for her to send messages about dreams to an ex bf two decades later especially is she hasn't been in contact all this time and if she knows he's not single. That comes across as suspicious. If you have mutually accepted boundaries in your relationship regarding communication with exes then I think he's a bit foolish for continuing to reply to her and it's fair enough you're feeling annoyed. Yes, some people have platonic friendships with exes but those largely emerge and continue after the relationship ends rather than surfacing 20 years later. He should nip it in the bud.