Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

Id go for two nights ;-)
He is ridiculous. HE should be supporting you with this AND paying for the hotel (if he has means to) or sending you off with a pamper.kit and hug. I would have seized this opportunity with both hands. You need it. He is probably thinking of himself and his own underpant "needs". If he wants a night alone with you he should express that and come to a plan - not spoil a well designed plan that you make. Dont let him spoil this for you. Have a great time

@Twosugarsplzz Said he can take chill time too but I think he also needs to start pulling his weight with parenting HIS child.

He has two options: the baby stays with your mother or he has the baby overnight. You don't need us to validate your decision. It's one night......

Because then she would have to drive an hour home and then another hour back to collect the baby in the morning.

Why can he not join you after work. Seems the most logical answer.

Because she doesn't want to be woken up early by him having to go to work the following day.

Also... his issue was that she was "ditching the baby".

Tell DH to fuck off.
cheeky bastard.

I suspect he did not have the whatever to say she was ditching him. Given the baby probably wakes her up most mornings it technically should not be a hardship if her husband woke her up going off to work from the hotel as the joy of just turning over would be massive. Something is being lost in translation between them both. A night away might have sorted it or not.

Given the baby wakes her up every night and morning because her partner is too lazy to help.... I think the opportunity to rally appreciate a lie in would be phenomenal.

Nothing was lost in translation.. he just thinks she should be slave to the child and not allowed any free time.

Think u seriously need to plan one of these nights every couple of months. Dad can look after his son overnight

He sounds controlling and if he doesn’t do overnights with your son pretty selfish. Do it anyway. The minute you let your husband control you it is a downward slope.

Why doesn’t he do wake ups or have the baby on his own?

What’s wrong with her having a night alone?

I have a baby a little older, and a few months ago, I said to my husband I just need some time to myself to rest (I had been doing majority wake ups due to breastfeeding) and what does he think of me booking not one but two nights away in a nearby city. I had never been away on my own before but just felt I needed it. He said he thought that was a great idea and would be good for me and supported it 100%. He’d been away for work once or twice so had had the chance for some interrupted sleep, I had not.

That is the response of a decent, emotionally mature man and father. In my case he didn’t even have a family member to step in, he looked after our kid all weekend so I could rest and reset. This is called teamwork and this is what you should expect from a loving, supportive partner.

The amount of DH’s on here calling their postpartum partners, who built a human from scratch not even a year ago “lazy” is seriously mind blowing. And very sad.

Take the night away OP. Enjoy it,
you deserve it.

Given that the baby already wakes her up most mornings, she should put up with being woken up even on her morning off?

Away with you, troll.

You don’t need to explain to anyone. Your mum is your village and support system. My parents did the same for me and it pretty much saved my sanity because I had a reflux baby that never ever slept ! Take the time off for respite you need it. The quality of sleep you will get is not comparable to when you’re with baby. As for your husband, what a disappointment! He should be encouraging you to have some downtime alone.

The people saying have a good sleep at home clearly don't have babies who are up 5 times a night!! And it sounds like husband doesn't "do" the wake ups so yeah, hotel is the way to truly relax. Enjoy, I'm very jealous!

Bloody nonsense.
The woman is tired. Her loving mother wants to help. She's spending ONE night in a hotel nearby. She's not running off to join the circus for a year.

At what age is one allowed to be away from ones child overnight? 16? 18? 35?

Ah. Is that like saying someone who has been deprived of food for some time should only expect a little? They don’t deserve and shouldn’t expect a full meal? Both food and sleep are essential to survival.
the op deserves a full nights sleep AND a sleep in. Women are people too. Hth.

I honestly think every mum with dependent chidren should do this twice a year within whatever budget they can afford. It has huge benefits for the mum and the children and their partner and the whole family.

1. Mum comes back refreshed
2. Mum feels not being taken for granted in domestic situation and is generally happier and positive
3. Dad has total responsibility for their children so appreciates what it entails and has some bonding time
4. Absence and fonder and all that is not a cliché 😁

I think you should do it, OP

It’s not the most logical answer though. It would mean them both driving there separately and her not having a lie in as he’s have to get up early for work.

There’s nothing wrong with her wanting some time to herself and an uninterrupted nights sleep and a lie in.

This tit for tat in relationships is so damaging. A relationship is meant to be life-enhancing, not a bloody shackle. The fact that your husband’s first thought wasn’t you must be really tired to need something like that and maybe we need to look at making adjustments so you get more rest is very telling. He doesn’t care about your needs.

It’s so creepy that people are this controlling of each other. Do people really run their relationships this way? Having to jump through hoops and present their cases to have standard freedoms?

11 months is too young. That is just factual. We are not talking about a 4 or 5 year old that can be told and unexplained to why their mother has gone. The baby will be distressed, they won't know why they are being deserted.

They’re not being deserted, they’re with their doting grandmother.

By this analogy a woman can never leave an 11 month old for even five minutes, because the baby doesn’t understand that they’ll be back in five minutes?

Mothers go back to work before 11 months a lot, what happens then?