Trans nursery workers?

[ThatWaryGreenBiscuit]

Am I being unreasonable to feel increasingly uncomfortable with my child’s nursery?

A couple of weeks ago they shared a post on the parents app about two people with feminine names completing some training. One of the people pictured was clearly male. I found them on instagram and they are a trans woman. Now this person did not work at my child’s actual nursery, just one of the other settings in the franchise, although they do occasionally switch the staff around, it’s not often. So I thought, I don’t like it, but ultimately moving my child because of somebody working at a different setting is unreasonable. Also it took my child a while to be comfortable and now they really enjoy it. (3y and verbal which also makes a difference too)

Then last week there’s a post about our nursery setting and a reshuffle of staff. Now working at our nursery is another trans person. A female this time who identifies as male. I confirmed them as trans through their instagram again, which honestly contains a lot of potentially worrying stuff. Very heavy on the transition side, art about top surgery, testosterone, nude art, “protecting trans youth” and protests.

Both individuals are young and I haven’t met either, however apparently my child knows the trans man (female).

I’m really not sure what to do if anything? Obviously I have no right to tell them who to hire, and I have no wish to be cruel to these young people.

But I cannot deny the feeling I have in my gut. I feel like my boundaries are being pushed and I’m worried about what their potential motives are for suddenly hiring two trans people and posting about them on the parenting portals/social media in increasing frequency.

There has been a change in management, but I have no idea who is in charge of hiring.

Will it matter as they are young? (The children) Because the trans individual at my child’s actual nursery is female would you be worried? I feel so unsure. It’s very recent so I’m weighing my options.

I will likely only openly share my thoughts on this if I decide to remove my child, as I believe that saying anything will not result in anything positive, and in fact could mean my child is “educated” because of their “horrible bigoted family”.

They might be under the umbrella but it’s definitely not the same and discrimination to conflate them

you can think independently you know

Sorry, I wasn't clear. By "neither" I meant that I would want my children taught neither by people who think people can change sex, nor those who promote gender ideology in place of sex.

If its discrimination to conflate them, and a staff member suspects that a trans nursery worker is in fact a transvestite, would they be free to voice this concern without being accused of discrimination?

you can think independently you know

Is that not "literal violence "?

You said you were worried about things you’d seen on sm for your child

im not sure its about being turned on

your conflating creeps (whatever they are) with trans people - starting always from a place trans people are dangerous

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

???

I don’t know why they would be needing to voice it or identify it - in your view the are the same

Oh right, yes. I’m not worried they will see social media, but that they will bring those views to my child.

you don’t know what a creep is?

if they are aroused by dressing as a woman, then clearly it is about being turned on. Many trans women admit to this. It’s not a secret.

what is your opinion on the potential risk of exposure to testosterone gel?

Yes do

I worked in a nursery at 21. I was ace at it. There was a male nursery nurse too who was fantastic. What I'd it you're getting at?

if a member of staff has a concern about another member of staff being a risk to children, it’s their duty to report it. As parents we don’t see much of the everyday activities, we are not there.

do you think you would be comfortable with a nursery worker being aroused by wearing women’s clothing and being around children?

I hadn’t thought about it

i don’t think your child would be on social media so wouldn’t see it

I can’t envisage a situation where staff would be talking to 0-3 year olds about testosterone gel

That makes no sense. If only women were allowed to teach children then the girls would know that the grown woman identifying as a boy to access them was not in fact a boy. Because the sheer fact she was their teacher would identify her as a woman.
I'm not advocating that only women are allowed to teach children BTW, just highlighting the lack of logic in your thinking.

I don’t think you are arguing in good faith.

I’ve clearly stated my concern is not with my child seeing social media.

testosterone gel can be transferred from skin to skin contact and can cause serious issues in children.

YANBU. Follow your instincts and withdraw your child.

?????

I think you are way too far down the illogical panic route to have a sensible conversation

one of your main arguments was what you had seen on social media and how this was a risk to your child

Their sm posts show their opinions, their worldviews and they are clearly extremely passionate about being trans and posted several things that led me to think they may feel it’s their duty to educate on gender identity, which I would not be comfortable with.

I do not think they would show their sm account to my child, or any child. My child cannot read, so obviously isn’t scrolling sm and won’t be for as long as is healthy/possible.

I do think they might talk about it to the children (gender identity). I’m not 100% sure, but it may come up, especially if they don’t pass as a man.

You haven’t answered about the testosterone gel?

I had a child with speech delays at this age range, particularly with abstract grammar and one of the SALT areas of development that his nursery worker worked through with him was pronouns. This is quite a common developmental hurdle in autistic children. My concern with someone using counter-intuitive pronouns is that it complicates and confuses learning in this part of language aquisition.

I'd always talked to my children about gender stereotypes along the lines of "many boys like football, many girls like dancing, you're free to like what you like" ; basically it's a common pattern not a rule. The difficulty with gender over sex is that it's about conforming to stereotypical preferences, and young children face a lot of pigeon holing stereotypes in toys, clothing and behaviour expectations.

T'other DC did have a male nursery worker (and also KS1 teacher) and they were very positive male role models for him in very female dominated environments. I'm fine with the situation being transparent. I'm not fine with obsfucation.

I wouldn’t think anything of it. My dc’s nursery had, over the course of the 7 years we were there, two male nursery workers. I got to know one of them well and he was fantastic. I can’t see why it would make any difference if a biological male was calling himself Henrietta and had long hair. All the same really for me.

I know two paedophiles who had quite close contact with my dc, neither of them trans, both of them actually quite transphobic, so I don’t see where the added risk lies. Trans people aren’t by definition sexual predators. I’d be very happy for a well trained DBS checked member of staff who happens to be trans to look after my dc, same as I would anyone else with the same checks and qualifications.

Trans identified men commit sexual offenses at a higher rate than other men. And as unenlightened aa it makes me, I wouldn't use a nursery with any male workers anyway.

But trans ‘boys’ are women 🤷‍♀️

I was talking about within the prison system.

If a convicted criminal with no history of ever presenting as trans,.committed the crime as their assigned at birth gender but then claims to be trans to secure a "safer" prison environment, one might reasonably believe they are misappropriating a minority identity!

Yes, I know they are. And if only women were allowed to be teachers, trans 'boys/men' would be allowed to be teachers.
However, in the event they were predators who wanted to pretend to be males in order to obtain sex by deception with their pupils, as you suggested, the pupils would not be deceived. Because they would know they were women, or they wouldn't be in the job, as only women are allowed to teach.

I wasn’t suggesting the deception would happen at a nursery.

The predatory behaviour would be out of work. On their social media like the OP has looked at or in real life when they try to coerce girls into sex.