AIBU to think my MIL should stop commenting on my parenting?

[DearDog96]

DD turned 4 last month and is our only child (6 months pregnant with baby no. 2). She’s still not potty trained after several attempts, and after the most recent one in January we decided to go back to nappies for a bit to reset things and hopefully try again soon. She also still uses a dummy, mainly at night or at home when relaxing - we rarely let her use it when out and about, and has a bottle of milk at might to fall asleep with. I’ll admit we’ve probably babied her more than we should and been too lenient, but we’ll work on potty training once the weather improves and the dummy and bottle will hopefully go after that (one battle at once and all!). Her dentist has said her teeth are fine so far, so no immediate concerns over that. Over Easter the in-laws were visiting and my MIL kept making comments at DD, telling her she’s too old for nappies, dummies etc. and she’s gonna get bullied when she starts school in September.

I fully plan on having all these things solved in time for school, plus the world is a different place now compared to when she had her kids. AIBU to think she should just keep her nose out and let me parent how I want to

Have you spoken to your health visitor? You can get a referral to paediatric continence for help. They'll also identify if there is an underlying developmental delay.

Is she getting constipated at all? This can cause more wee issues. And skid marks. If children hold on too much it can stretch out their bowel a bit which makes it harder for them to know they need to go to the toilet.

Some kids get it straight away, some take longer. We're about to try again with our 2.5 year old. He is very inconsistent/ doesn't really get it. Meanwhile his cousin (4 months younger than him) was potty trained before 2. She just got it.

You really want to try and sort before your new baby comes along. It's quite a period of transition and wee accidents are more common/ bit of regression. We have a just under 5 year age gap between our two kids and our oldest had a few more accidents in the first few months of his baby brother's life. Totally normal. But because prepared for this.

Good luck.

Well done for stepping up and supporting your daughter’s heathy development now. I’m sure it’s been mentioned, there are some great toilet training books you can read together - try your local library. You can have a look online and order a few in!

Definitely don’t give up
yet. Do it ou go absolutely over the top with praise when she gets it right?

Take her to the potty/toilet every hour and after every meal. She's not going to tell you she needs a wee as she's never had to take note of that sensation before, so she's not aware of what that feels like yet. Let her sit for 5 minutes at least, talk about doing a wee in the potty. Give rewards for a wee or a poo in a potty till she gets the idea.

You mustn’t give up this time, otherwise gives confused messages. Did your DD ever comment about dirty/wet nappy in the past?

I do agree with getting her in a routine of when she needs to go to the toilet.

So roughly when she gets up for the day.

Then before everytime she has a meal or a snack so that she is taught to wash her hands before eating.

Then again before her bath and then again before bed.

How’s today gone? It’s not easy potty training but I hope it hasn’t been too bad

I haven’t spoken to HV no, and I don’t think she’s constipated as she’s pretty regular and her poos are always fairly soft (tmi sorry!)

Absolutely and she seems to love it

Nope not at all, she’s never really been bothered by them. She just likes not having to stop what shes doing I think

It’s been ok thanks! I’m knacked and feel like I’ve done so much cleaning up. We managed 2 wees in the potty and that’s it all weekend 😩

isn't 2 wees in the potty 2 more than she has ever done before ?
That's brilliant ! 2 wees - I hope you told her how wonderful that was are you rewarding her in any way ?i.e. stickers / star chart / chocolate buttons / clapping / hugs and kisses ?

Haha yes we have lots of praise of course and 2 stickers on her chart

I wouldn't have even bothered with the potty OP. You should have gone straight to the toilet. Its what she will have seen you and her dad doing.

Good luck either way though. And we'll done for accepting you should have done it earlier. Its not easy to admit when you're in the wrong

Why would you be waiting for better weather to resume potty training? Is your toilet outside?
Sorry but at 4 and about to start school, your DD should be clean day and night.

@Jumpingthruhoops that’s not necessarily true about nighttime as that is partly reliant on hormone being present

Things have moved on.....

I just thought it might be easier cos it’s near where she plays and she can sit while watching tv for example

You don't really want her watching TV though as it'll be a distraction. She's not focused on actually learning to wee in the potty or toilet.

She won't consciously wee in the potty unless consciously removed and placed on it (or rather the toilet at her age)

I’d take two wees in the potty as a win. Just keep in with the praise

Get the TV out of the situation!

I agree with straight to the toilet at that age. No more baby.

I’d also go straight to toilet at this stage. She gets to flush herself and gets a chocolate button. No TV - it’s a distraction that she doesn’t need - full big girl expectations.

well done for getting on it.

as an aside, I think that there’s been a real creeping back of advice that has really harmed a lot of parents and kids on potty training by lulling them into an “oh well, we’ll just wait until they are ready” mentality. I agree it’s closer to the norm, but it’s bad for a variety reasons.

A summer born 3 year old has to train over the winter and not the summer (which is way easier) to be sure that they will be school ready and not up against it in a race against time. 3 year olds are more stubborn than 2 year olds and 2 is physically optimum for the continence muscles - ERIC the continence charity has now issued guidance encouraging people to start earlier. Finally, the emphasis on being ready is rubbish - a handful of kids train themselves, my DD was one of them, but most developmentally normal kids (like my son) need at least a week at 2 and might have a couple of accidents here or there after that - shooting for being done in a weekend with perfect ability is setting kids up to fail and putting masses more nappies into landfill.

worth bearing in mind for number 2!

if you’re going to use the potty (and I’d agree with others to go straight to toilet) then make sure it is at least in the bathroom. No TV, no living room etc. She needs to learn that the bathroom is where you go to wee and poo.

Remember that school won't have pottys, she will be required to sit upon a toilet - prob a child sized toilet but still a toilet
and she won't be watching tv at the time.

Definitely ditch the potty and go straight to the toilet. At 4 years old it’ll be difficult to get down into the potty anyway! No tv either! Do you watch tv when having a wee? 😵‍💫 She’s old enough to understand, and learn how to use the toilet for it’s purpose. Part of toilet training is to understand, and learn the need to stop an activity to go empty bladder and bowels.