AIBU to think my MIL should stop commenting on my parenting?

[DearDog96]

DD turned 4 last month and is our only child (6 months pregnant with baby no. 2). She’s still not potty trained after several attempts, and after the most recent one in January we decided to go back to nappies for a bit to reset things and hopefully try again soon. She also still uses a dummy, mainly at night or at home when relaxing - we rarely let her use it when out and about, and has a bottle of milk at might to fall asleep with. I’ll admit we’ve probably babied her more than we should and been too lenient, but we’ll work on potty training once the weather improves and the dummy and bottle will hopefully go after that (one battle at once and all!). Her dentist has said her teeth are fine so far, so no immediate concerns over that. Over Easter the in-laws were visiting and my MIL kept making comments at DD, telling her she’s too old for nappies, dummies etc. and she’s gonna get bullied when she starts school in September.

I fully plan on having all these things solved in time for school, plus the world is a different place now compared to when she had her kids. AIBU to think she should just keep her nose out and let me parent how I want to

I’d really counsel against saying dummies are for babies / the new baby will need the dummies. She’ll resent the new baby for it.

She needs to clean her teeth last thing - the bottle isn’t the end of the world (although a sippy cup would be better) - but she needs to clean her teeth afterwards or she’ll get cavities

Sorry to hijack, but my 3 year old has a munchkin 360 beaker of milk (full fat cow’s milk) before bed (i.e. they will drink it in bed while we read to them before they go to sleep). Is this problematic? They clean their teeth before drinking the milk.

https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

have a look on here @DearDog96

it might be all stuff you already know but they have a web chat too if you want to chat to someone a bit more supportive than the AIBU thread on MN ☺️

Yes it’s a problem. They need to drink the milk then clean their teeth. Water only after teeth are brushed at bedtime.

Yes. Nothing but water after teeth brushing.

this is terrible for their teeth. Milk then teeth brushing always! Don’t give your dc cavities.

When toilet training I left mine for a little while if they wet themselves so they felt a bit uncomfortable and were more encouraged to use the toilet/potty. We had a travel potty with folding legs and disposable liners that was great for out and about. You will see her signals after a while that she needs to go, jiggling about or holding onto her crutch etc.

Do you eat or drink after you’ve brushed your own teeth at night?

Thank you @FeralWoman , @BudgetBuster and @TeenLifeMum - I appreciate it.

My children never had them. They didn’t know of their existence so never wanted or needed one and I never had to wean them off it.

Have you deliberately ignored the message you’re replying to?

dummies have been proven to reduce SIDS. What you did in your day way back when doesn’t negate that.

You have to take her to the toilet regularly to train her, not just remind her to go.

It actually could do the child harm to hear that they will be bullied at school, when none of this is their fault.

We didn't do any formal potty training system but introduced a potty and toilet and encouraged use. DC out of nappies before 3 and at night too. I guess if they hadn't taken to it I may have tried something more regimented.

Is MIL critical of both parents?

Studies say it may reduce and to only use between 2-4 months. 10months old max. Toddlers shouldn’t be having dummies.

My mum never used dummies on us and I never used them on mine.

But LOTS of people don't use dummies now.

Did you never go out with your DC for them to see others using dummies?

I didn't use them but DC aware of what they were.

No one mentioned an age - you said you hope you never see one.

and again, what your mum did isn’t scientific evidence of no link is it.

my grandma smoked when she was pregnant, luckily her children were all fine, it isn’t evidence that pregnant women should smoke now is it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Right? What’s that got to do with this person ignoring the content of the message they chose to respond to?

They never really registered them. Never asked for one, never asked why they didn’t have one.

Don’t do this, you have done well today don’t go back.

We didn’t need to thankfully. She asked yet again before bed but we were firm with her. A few tears later and we eventually got her to sleep.

we gave her the bottle as usual this evening, but made sure she finished it and brushed her teeth before bed

day 1 done, and signs of improvement already!

Aw that’s great. She is obviously ready for it Well done on a successful day.

My sister died of SIDS so I did everything I could to reduce the risk including dummies for sleep. 2 stopped on their own and one had the “dummy fairy” visit at 2.5 years old.

What is SIDS?

Mine didn’t have dummies either, born 2008 and 2011. I did try one for the 2011 baby but it kept falling out so just didn’t bother.

Sudden infant death syndrome, you really not heard of it?