Page 6 | If you haven’t done it by 50 you never will.

WednesdaysChild73 · 12/04/2026 15:23

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 09:16

He says he is unhappy about it and wants a family

Show quote history

Unfortunately, you can’t always have what you want. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we hope. Speaking from experience.

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:25

candyfloss06 · 12/04/2026 11:42

Your brother seems happy with his life as it is now. Maybe he’ll meet someone or maybe he won’t, but if he does meet someone he likes, isn’t it up to both of them to try and make a go of it. I don’t get why you’re coming online to talk about him in these terms - he’s not hurting you, is he? Also, your mum will be fine. Whatever will be will be.

I explained clearly why I was coming online - to hear people stories of those meeting someone later in life after being single all their lives- it’s no big deal. Something to do on a Sunday. It’s not as if this issue is causing us all to be deeply depressed - but it’s a debate we have as a family - is it commitment phobia or has he genuinely just never fallen in love. He engages with the debate too!

OP posts:

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:27

ComeOnPhilEarlySpringPlease · 12/04/2026 12:47

George Clooney got married at 53. Met Amal when he was 52. Twins followed. He was such a commitment-phobe he had a bet with his costars he wouldn't ever get hitched. A bet he ultimately lost.
He had been married previously though for 20 months.
Does your brother look like George Clooney?!

😂…. He is fairly good looking .

OP posts:

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/04/2026 15:29

SuperSue77 · 12/04/2026 15:10

I disagree - I met my husband when he was 44 and we have been married 18 years and have 3 children - I accept 44 is younger than "50's" but it is still quite a bit later in life. Men are in that fortunate position where they can easily have a family at that age if they choose a younger partner. I am 13 years younger than my husband.
I also have a friend who met her partner later in life - she was adamant she didn't want children and had been previously married. He had never married and was cleear that he never wanted to. They are now engaged with 5yr old twins - he was 50 when they were born.

Show quote history

Older mens sperm has a much higher rate of defects. Obviously it's up to the individual if they want to risk it. So while a man can make a baby in his 50s it isn't the best choice.

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:29

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/04/2026 11:51

In that he's had lots of girlfriends but just doesn't fall in love. Plenty of time for it, but it sounds as if he blocks it emotionally.

No judgement about it. I've got a block on emotional involvement. But it's better to be honest with yourself about it. Never falling in love with anyone and still believing you want a partner and a family is delusional.

Show quote history

Yes it is this I think.

i think he is not honest with himself.

but hope he will surprise us all like the stories on here of people indeed having a committed relationship later in life

OP posts:

Meadowfinch · 12/04/2026 15:30

I'm 62 and have never married but I live in hope of meeting a decent, honest, kind and intelligent man.

You never know....! 😊

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:32

Simplelobsterhat · 12/04/2026 11:34

To be fair op says he usually dates close to his age. But if he wants kids the woman would need to be quite a bit younger than him, I don't think it's lack of emotional maturity to know that! (Unless he'd be happy with step kids, but that can be messy).

I do think he's less likely to find a long term relationship of a family is a criteria at his age though, as not many women wanting kids would be keen to do so with someone in their 50s. I went to a wedding of a 50 yo man who'd never been married before recently, so it certainly happens, but they won't be having a family together, the bride is already a grandmother. So he may need to adjust his expectations.

It does seem like you are making this a bigger problem than it is though, it feels a bit like Bridget Jones when the smug marrieds are pontificating about why there are so many singles. He's obviously fairly happy or he wouldn't have turned down so many chances.

Show quote history

I am not married .

He turns down the chances as he says he’s not in love.

OP posts:

FrothyCothy · 12/04/2026 15:34

Not personal experience but a family friend who has been a serial monogamist is now engaged to be married in his late 60s.

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:39

ElleintheWoods · 12/04/2026 12:08

Don't have the experience of settling down later in life as such (however, one that does sprig to mind is George Clooney 😂), however I can see where your brother is coming from.

I'm late 30s and frankly I haven't been with anyone where being with that person doesn't feel like 'settling for less'. It's not that I am looking for something crazy, it's more that I am hypercritical of people and if they make my life more draining rathern than easier and better, I keep them at arm's length. I don't really fall in love.

I did fall in love in my very early 20s and he seemed like the perfect match, for many many years I thought he was 'the one' while being with other people, and almost chasing that feeling of what being with him felt like.

It's also not that I date 'below par' men. A few examples of relationships or potential relationships I've pulled out of:

MP - super interesting person but thought he had mental health and substance abuse issues
CEO of a household name company - likewise, substance abuse and extreme levels of stress/unhappiness
Premier League footballer - extremely attention-seeking, lifestyle revolved around parties, women, alcohol
Model - very good-looking but also very insecure, lacking direction in life
Tech guy - unconcerned with external presentation or social grace, extremely matter-of-fact, antisocial
'Normal' guy - again, antisocial, thinking of anything like a day out or trip to another city as a big deal
Guy from work - life revolved around drinking and football, social life heavily revolved around seeing his family
Another guy from work - focused on his own career progression and having an easy life, often complaining, no real thought about wider social issues or problems of the world

As you can see, I am able to find something wrong with absolutely everyone, whereas I am sure many women would find these men quite dateable, especially the higher income ones.

Or perhaps I attract difficult personalities and they are single for a reason, who knows.

What would I like? I'd like someone established in what they are doing, perhaps an artist, scientist or writer, or another profession that revolves more around their purpose and less around making money, that has a calm, thoughtful nature and curiosity about the world, broad range of topics etc...

Would I find that? Maybe, but not easy. My first thoughts upon meeting somebody is usually outlining what is wrong with them - unless it's attraction at first sight, which is extremely rare.

I don't mind if I stay single-ish for life with a string of short relationships, a bit like your brother, as long as I am true to myself and happier outside a relationship than in one. Being in a relationship is not a goal in itself for me.

At this stage of life I feel like I can relate strongly to the 'eternal bachelor' lifestyle. I do need connection and intimacy, but I am unwilling to commit to something/ someone that negatively disrupts a lifestyle that works well for me and isn't aligned with my identity and choices.

Apologies if that's not what you were looking for on here, but perhaps this helps you understand your brother's mind better.

Thank you- this is exactly what he is like. Within a few dates he will come up with some reason why they won’t be the one. They are usually small reasons. He says as soon as he notices that thing he can’t stop thinking about it and it grows and grows in his mind-

OP posts:

Credittocress · 12/04/2026 15:41

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:39

Thank you- this is exactly what he is like. Within a few dates he will come up with some reason why they won’t be the one. They are usually small reasons. He says as soon as he notices that thing he can’t stop thinking about it and it grows and grows in his mind-

Show quote history

If he were serious about wanting a family as soon as he noticed this reason then he’d move on

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:45

StrawberrySundaes · 12/04/2026 12:11

This an interesting hypothesis. My DB is 48 and currently single (never married and no children). Plenty of relationships that all seem to fizzle out around 2-3 years or less. I think he is nit-picky and has a controlling personality which doesn’t help. He enjoys the honeymoon phase and then his boredom kicks in and he looks for faults in the relationships. Some of his exes have been absolutely lovely. Nice families. Parents all get on well etc.

He has now found himself an overseas girlfriend who he’s been visiting and conversing with for a couple of years now. They finally sorted out her visa (3 yr visa) and she is now living with him. They have discussed marriage in the future and he has agreed to one child (how mature of him😂). She is about 33yo.

Am I being unreasonable to tell him to quit wasting her time if he’s still messing her around in about 18 months time/not committing to a marriage? It annoys the hell out of me when I see women who waste their child-bearing years on a guy who future fakes or is just “not sure she’s the one”. I’m a firm believer that you know pretty quickly if you can see yourself marrying someone and having children with them, especially if you’re living together.

Luckily my brother is not a future faker. I would also be very angry with him if he did this.

he is always honest with them. They don’t always believe him unfortunately.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:47

Meadowfinch · 12/04/2026 15:30

I'm 62 and have never married but I live in hope of meeting a decent, honest, kind and intelligent man.

You never know....! 😊

🤞

OP posts:

Woodfiresareamazing · 12/04/2026 15:47

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 08:58

Morning all,

I have a long standing debate with my mum about my brother -

he is in his 50’s now and has been single since his early twenties. He is nearly always in a casual relationship of some sort and sometimes these relationships last for up to two years. We occasionally meet the women and they always seem lovely. However he will never ever enter a committed relationship with them and the relationships end eventually when the women realise that he is never going to commit. He is honest with them with his words but his actions don’t match so it always takes a while to play out.

His take on this is that he has just never meets the right one and never falls in love, he actually says he is sad about this as he wanted a family. My mum totally believes this and spends her life hoping he will meet the one soon. I think he has problems with commitment and will never do it . He had several traumas in his late teens and one in his early twenties that would cause this.

so I am asking the internet has anyone got any experience of being single for a life time ( though choice) and then finding someone they really click with and fall in love with in later life?

you are being unreasonable- it can take until later life to meet the one.

you are not being reasonable- if you want a committed relationship you can find someone to fall in love with.

Confirmed bachelor George Clooney married his wife Amal when he was 52...

stapletonsguitar · 12/04/2026 15:48

I’ve got a friend I was at uni with who’s the same - he’s 56 now and has had a succession of relationships that all last 1-2 years. I agree with you!

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 15:49

BernardButlersBra · 12/04/2026 12:14

It feels unlikely at this point. He’s been a commitment phobe for decades and has little insight into his situation. Does he live with your parents still? Not much is talked about male fertility but it does deteriorate over time. Would a woman in her early or mid 30’s be interested in a man in his 50’s who has had no serious relationship and describes his girl friends as “friends”? The reason why l say woman of this age is their most likely better fertility will help offset his most likely impaired fertility. That’s before you even get to the compromise that long term relationships and parenthood require etc

Nope has his own very nice flat

OP posts:

SixtySomething · 12/04/2026 15:49

EarringsandLipstick · 12/04/2026 09:04

I think this is a really strange approach from you.

It may be likely, given his relationship history to date, that he won’t meet a life partner. But not impossible, and really not your business. There’s inherent judgment in your post.

In any case, just because there may be some people (and of course there are, I know several, men especially) who have met someone later in life, it doesn’t provide any indication of whether your brother will or won’t.

Of course it's her business. It's her brother and she cares about his happiness.

Schoolchoicesucks · 12/04/2026 15:56

Beachtastic · 12/04/2026 10:08

His fascination with "younger = better" is not the sign of emotional maturity, unfortunately.

Show quote history

He's not fascinated with younger = better though, the OP says in the post you are replying to that the women are similar ages to him and refers to this current woman as being in her mid 40s compared to his 50.

Whyarepeople · 12/04/2026 15:57

To answer your original question, a lovely friend of my mother's was single all her life then met an ex catholic priest when she was in her early 50s. He had newly left the priesthood so obv had never been married. They fell in love, got married and had a wonderful relationship until his unfortunately quite early death.

Based on what I know about people, I'd say there are a few possibilities going on here:
He's gay and can't admit it even to himself (surprisingly common even nowadays IMO)
He likes the idea of a committed relationship and feels he should have one but doesn't actually enjoy them and needs to be honest about that
Something about a certain stage of a relationship triggers something in him - a protective mechanism, a fear - and he can't get past that stage until he recognises the issue and deals with it.
He doesn't believe deep down he could be a good father so he self-sabotages as a way of avoiding fatherhood

Aluna · 12/04/2026 16:01

Woodfiresareamazing · 12/04/2026 15:47

Confirmed bachelor George Clooney married his wife Amal when he was 52...

Show quote history

She was his second wife.

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 16:14

Whyarepeople · 12/04/2026 15:57

To answer your original question, a lovely friend of my mother's was single all her life then met an ex catholic priest when she was in her early 50s. He had newly left the priesthood so obv had never been married. They fell in love, got married and had a wonderful relationship until his unfortunately quite early death.

Based on what I know about people, I'd say there are a few possibilities going on here:
He's gay and can't admit it even to himself (surprisingly common even nowadays IMO)
He likes the idea of a committed relationship and feels he should have one but doesn't actually enjoy them and needs to be honest about that
Something about a certain stage of a relationship triggers something in him - a protective mechanism, a fear - and he can't get past that stage until he recognises the issue and deals with it.
He doesn't believe deep down he could be a good father so he self-sabotages as a way of avoiding fatherhood

That’s really interesting- our own father is rubbish so I wonder if that plays a part here

OP posts:

Original poster

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 16:19

Schoolchoicesucks · 12/04/2026 15:56

He's not fascinated with younger = better though, the OP says in the post you are replying to that the women are similar ages to him and refers to this current woman as being in her mid 40s compared to his 50.

Show quote history

Yes he is not interested in younger women- a few years ago he dated a woman in her early thirties and very quickly he said she was too young - he wants to be in bed by 9.30!

OP posts:

SuperSue77 · 12/04/2026 16:20

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/04/2026 15:29

Older mens sperm has a much higher rate of defects. Obviously it's up to the individual if they want to risk it. So while a man can make a baby in his 50s it isn't the best choice.

Show quote history

Agree, though my husband was 45 and 48 when our children were conceived and they're all fine and we were lucky to fall on the first attempt. He's a pretty healthy guy - I put it down to all the zinc in his diet!

KhargIsland · 12/04/2026 16:26

Glowingup · 12/04/2026 11:24

I think he will probably end up surprising you. People love to pigeonhole others, especially when it makes them feel superior to do so.

No it’s the complete opposite. OP and her mother need to drop the rope, for their own sake at least.

He is getting some psychological kibble from his avoidance, as soon as that kibble is withdrawn and he gets absolutely zero attention, then he’ll get it sorted to “surprise” people. But presumably you are perfectly aware of that dynamic and have your own reasons for making him out to be in some wronged.
Pigeonholed my Arse, don’t you think a decades long track record counts for anything?

Everybodys · 12/04/2026 16:48

Wish44 · 12/04/2026 16:19

Yes he is not interested in younger women- a few years ago he dated a woman in her early thirties and very quickly he said she was too young - he wants to be in bed by 9.30!

Show quote history

That's not leaving him a massive age window then! Wants a family, but early 30s was too young even a few years back. It doesn't sound like he's willing to make much in the way of compromises to get what he wants, but biology is a bitch.

Would he consider a serious relationship with a woman who already has her own DC? I know you say his current gf does, but casual is different.

OneNewEagle · 12/04/2026 16:50

I’m in my early 50s now. A long term bachelor I have known since infant school got married last year. He had never had long term relationships as busy with his mates, out drinking, football and the like. His sisters have 6 kids each and 2 exh’s each so he’s just lived a different life. He’s with a lovely younger lady and I hope it works out, I was really pleased for him.

And then one of his drinking buddies (I used to serve them decades ago) is my friends partner. He’s 55. They’ve been dating ten years now. She has the children and the exh. He was just busy with work and as above. He owns his own house after living with his parents until his 40s. They see each other some weekends and one night a week, his first long term relationship.