To ask your opinion re holiday dilemma?

[toholidayorno]

I’ve been invited to go on holiday to go to something specific that I’d love. The holiday is abroad in a close European country. I love the idea of it and dh wants me to go as he knows I’d love it. But I have a baby that I’ve only been more than an hour away from once. I don’t cosleep but apart from that I’m always with her, do 95% of their daily care etc. I am really worried that she’d struggle with me all of a sudden not being there. Dh is a very capable and competent parent and can look after her brilliantly, I just always want to do it. I don’t know how I’d be being away from her that long and I’m more worried about how she’d be with me being gone. I’d FaceTime but I’d be gone 4-5 nights. Dh is saying go, enjoy, relax etc but I’d miss her so much and I’d be worried she’d miss me too. She will be 15 months at the time, it’s not until later this year. What would you do?

@toholidayorno go! I did the same when my little one was 18 months, she’s now 14 and has absolutely no memory of me ever leaving her.

Enjoy yourself!

I'd go of course!

Go!!!

Go, it will be nice for you to have a break and for her and her dad to have some special one on one time, it sounds like they don’t get much of that.

Amazed at all these people willing to leave their babies for 4/5 nights - that's quite a long time! No judgement, but I'm surprised there aren't more people saying they wouldn't. It's a personal choice and everyone will feel differently, but if you're comfortable with it OP then go for it, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself once you're there.

Only you can answer this but if you want to go, go. I had a long weekend away when one of mine was 9 months old but it was only couple of hours drive away. Everyone at home was fine. My youngest is 4 now and I still wouldn't want to be abroad without them, psychologically it just feels too far and I know I wouldn't enjoy it.
Could you try an overnight closer to home first and see how you feel?

Definitely go! Seize the day and it will be nice for your DH to have this time with dd too

Leaving the baby with a loving and involved parent. Dads do it all the time (my husband did it for work regularly). I was breastfeeding at this time (and then Covid hit for child 2) so didn’t leave mine until they were older and I built it into something much bigger and wish I did it when they were younger.

Agreed. There's two separate things to think about here. Whether she'll be fine and whether you'll nonetheless ruin it for yourself by worrying aren't necessarily the same question.

Go! It’s good for both of you.

Work up to spending time apart from her so it doesn’t feel as “harsh” as going from nothing to 5 days.

also, you say yourself your DH is a competent parent, and it will probably do their relationship good for him to focus on that too. Allow him the time with his child while allowing yourself the time for you!

No judgement she says, although your post is really judgey

She’s not leaving her child with a stranger or home alone. She has a competent co parent to “fill her role” while she is away.

maybe the people commenting are also in relationships with competent co parents who make making these decisions a hell of a lot easier than leaving them with a feckless parent!

Go! Your little one will be fine and actually your gifting your DH and baby some special bonding time. Enjoy it.

I wouldn’t have gone when my DS was that age, because I wouldn’t have enjoyed it (and I was breastfeeding - still doing feeds at bedtime and first thing).

It’s interesting to get opinions from other women, but ultimately I’d ignore everyone else and take a few minutes to think about what YOU really want to do. Take out the “how other people might judge you” angle, including what your other half thinks and give yourself permission to do what feels right for you and your child.

You should definitely go. Sounds like it would be good for all of you. The fact DH is encouraging you seems like he might really appreciate some 1 on 1 time with DD if you are always the default parent. And you get to do something just for you for the first time since baby came. And I'm sure your DD will be fine with dad.

We left my 15 month old won’t my mum and sister to go to Glastonbury! She was totally fine without us - deffo out of sight out of mind op ! We actually didn’t video call much in the end as we found the first day we did it she got confused and upset - but when we didn’t call my mum said she was fine - they just kept her busy :)

I left again twice when she was 18 and 20 months - once for sisters hen and then the wedding - she was with dad those times she though and again she didn’t seem to care that I was gone

No, not at all. If anything I'm jealous that so many women feel able to do this when it isn't something I felt I could have done. I'm just surprised to see that so many women would do it, it's making me rethink things.

Yes absolutely!

If you think you will still enjoy yourself go! The child will be fine. I have similar aged grandchild experience of daughter having to fly to South America for a week for work. Child stayed with Dad and he was fine. I was surprised that he just took it in his stride.

I was away for 6 days from my first aged 17 months when I gave birth to second. In those days Dad was back at work and no children visiting. The only problem was that I felt guilty. Eldest is 35 years now. She has never mentioned it !

So I am pretty sure that child will cope. It is how you will feel that is the important thing. Don’t feel like you “ought” to go because others do. There will be plenty of other opportunities in the years to come.

Go! You probs don’t realise how much you’ll enjoy the rest and the fun you’ll have. You’ll come back refreshed and a better mummy from having that rest. Your DD will never remember the time you went away and it will be great for your DH to spend time with his DD.

Apologies

GO

I understand completely what you mean. We have the option to leave our children with my mum- she’d even be happy for us to go for a week etc, but I struggle psychologically with the reality of it which I honestly never thought I would. The kids are absolutely fine, but I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’m jealous of the ladies that can compartmentalise this, I honestly think good for them. We do 3/4 nights now tops st 10/14 years.

Good to read that you have worked up to a few nights now your children are older, I hope I can do the same!