To ask your opinion re holiday dilemma?

[toholidayorno]

I’ve been invited to go on holiday to go to something specific that I’d love. The holiday is abroad in a close European country. I love the idea of it and dh wants me to go as he knows I’d love it. But I have a baby that I’ve only been more than an hour away from once. I don’t cosleep but apart from that I’m always with her, do 95% of their daily care etc. I am really worried that she’d struggle with me all of a sudden not being there. Dh is a very capable and competent parent and can look after her brilliantly, I just always want to do it. I don’t know how I’d be being away from her that long and I’m more worried about how she’d be with me being gone. I’d FaceTime but I’d be gone 4-5 nights. Dh is saying go, enjoy, relax etc but I’d miss her so much and I’d be worried she’d miss me too. She will be 15 months at the time, it’s not until later this year. What would you do?

Ive been asked togo on holiday next year with soneone i hardly know. Have nothing in common with to an area I dont like staying in her air b and b. Cannot think of anything worse or testricting

It depends on what sort of support the DH is willing & able to provide.

In this particular instance it sounds as if DH is able and willing to step up and do all that is necessary for DC's care & welfare while OP is away.

In fact, DH sounds like a bit of a pearl. One of those of whom we hear little on MN.

Another pp made the point that OP's 4-5days away will be giving DH & DC a precious bonding opportunity. This is the key to the whole thing. If OP goes away and DH & DC not only manage, but thrive and very positively enjoy their time together, then something will have been deeply planted in family bonding. The homecoming and reuniting will be a joyous event. Everyone will have survived and, very probably, everyone will have gained from the situation.
It does, however, need to be carefully & explicitly managed within this very positive mind-set. And if that's the case, then there's no reason why it can't work.
The preparatory work needs to be put in, as other pps have noted.
I have actually watched this work with v close family. The awareness, planning and communication needs to be upfront.
Finally: don't underestimate the understanding of the baby/child. Even pre-verbal children are taking in A LOT. A 15-month-old is on the cusp of understanding, verbally, much of what is going on/being said and is beginning to be able to voice a few words.
Good rule-of-thumb: always assume babies understand every word.

Go go go!

You need to give your DH chance to actually be a dad. It will be good for both of them. At 15 months, she really will be fine.

Which has literally nothing to d9 with OP’s situation.

I wouldn't have left mine. I couldn't have managed that at all. I'd have been worried the whole time. Definitely seem to be in the minority here though.

@MaddestGranny
Thats a bit OTT, she’s away for a few days from a toddler, not off to war for 3 years!!!
When did this all start ‘I can’t leave my child until they’re 23’ nonsense, plenty mums have to work, in forces etc

Go!

Oh I don't know !! They are like puppies . You can't explain you will be back . I left a similar aged baby with my mum for 2 nights years ago and he was inconsolable ..........

Babies and children benefit hugely from the different parenting styles between a Dad and a Mum. When they are very little, having a Mum doing most of the parenting is natural and easy, but as dc grow its hugely important to allow the Dad to develop his own style and relationship with the dc that is independent of the Mum. It teaches them so many things and builds a precious bond.

If you are currently doing 95% of parenting, that is wonderful, but looking more long term, I would suggest its time to start thinking of how you could scaffold DH and dc building their bonds with each other so that they get that deep connection and sense of safety with each other.

Your trip could be a great goal to aim towards for building up to.

And secondly dont under estimate how much more you need a break from a tantrumming 15 month old than a compliant baby!!

I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the holiday.

Go - she will be fine. It will be lovely for your DD and your DH to spend time together.

Go - and don't feel guilty!

Yes I suppose leaving her with your husband is different to both of you leaving her .

I'd go, because I genuinely feel its important for children to be as comfortable with their other parent, and for the other parent and child to have a chance at the one to one bond.
So while I'd miss her, I'd see it as a positive thing for her development and relationship with her dad.

Go. Practice leaving her a few times before. Have fun!

I'm on the opposite side, as in I looked after my grandchildren for 4 days when their parents had to go on a business trip ( they worked for same firm). I had them overnight before. They were 2 and 5. Apart from a little wobble when mum and dad left, they were fine within about 15 mins, and had fun things planned. They facetimed mum and dad and said goodnight, but they were exhausted so no issues with sleeping.
Your wee one will be fine.Just go and enjoy yourself.

GO!

You should try one night away from her first. I wouldn’t do this personally, but I was still breastfeeding at that stage. Go with your gut instinct. Don’t feel pressured either way.

I’m assuming you’re not breastfeeding. My youngest is 20 months and the longest I’ve been away is morning till bedtime. I couldn’t imagine being apart for days. The only time I’ve been apart from my 4 yr old was when I was in hospital having her younger sister. It sounds like you’re similar and this would be a huge wrench. I wouldn’t

Obviously she's not breastfeeding or she'd have said so, given that would be a substantial hurdle to get over to go away for 5 days.

The baby will be 15 months old, very few people are still breastfeeding by that stage.

I'd go, OP.

Go!

I left my breastfed, cosleeping 15 month old to go to a hen do. Was only 1 night but toddler did not care at all. Happily slept with dad instead, ate and drank fine. Barely noticed I was gone.

You need to allow DH to step up and do more with baby so you're not doing 95%. Let him take out to a class or some soft play or something and have a relax. You'll see they're fine with him!

No, dont go. Five nights is a long time to be separated from your baby

Go. I was in similar situation, went away for a four day trip my sisters organised for my mother’s 70th birthday. I arrived back on DD’s first birthday, DH met me at the airport and we went straight out for a celebration lunch with her at Henley on the way back from the airport. We had a lovely day. Of course I missed her a lot but it was a good trip. I don’t think she missed me at all having all the attention from DH.
You have time between now and then to give her a few practice runs of you going out all day to let her get used to you sometimes not being around so much. Go and have a fabulous time.

@pouletvous
Baby will be 15 months, I sometimes wonder is it more the mother that’s clinging on to baby rather than concern for baby, never leaving your child isn’t a badge of pride to judge other women with, too many times on here you see women who their entire personality/life is being a mum then come the teen years and they’re bereft as the baby has grown up and doesn’t need mummy.