AIBU to envy friends with wealthier husbands and easier retirements?

[TheAngryPuxie]

Just had coffee out with a friend and then went back to her house. She is similar in age to me (I am 57) and recently retired. I know she didn't earn much as she told me that she earnt sround £32,000 a year. My husband, like me, is a teacher and IS close to retiring. He's on about £44,000. I know that sounds a lot but after mortgage, bills, etc thers's not much left. I try to economise with the food shop, buying supermarket own brands,etc, I buy almost everything in charity shops, discount stores, etc. We rarely eat out or have takaways. My friend's husband runs his own business and, I don't know what he makes, but when I saw their house I was stunned. It is absolutely beautiful with 5 double bedrooms, 3 of them with en-suites, massive kitchen, dining, living room area,, downstairs bathroom and a large utilty room, large garden with another little 'bungalow' at the bottom, plus double garages, etc.

I have worked hard my whole life in a really stressful and demanding job and all of my female friends and colleagues seem to have one thing in commmon: their husbands earn a lot of money meaning they can afford to stay at home or earn a rubbish salary like teaching (which they are doing more as a hobby or for a bit of 'pocket money'). They have long holidays abroad and a lot of other luxuries I just can't afford.

AIBU to envy these women and think that life isn't fair? I love my husband, but sometimes wish he was more ambitious and that I could have a gorgeous house and didn't have to work.

Why not ask them instead if they could teach you any business strategies that could help you earn extra, than to be envious of others who work hard for their success, and manage to figure it out?

This is not in a teacher's contract.

You are getting battered on here OP, but I get it. Teacher here too - part-time due to a DC with significant ASN- and I look at other friends with stunning houses & inheritance also coming, & it sometimes upsets me.

I bought my exH out of the house, so mortgage longer than planned. I do have an absolutely wonderful partner, who is in a trade & works really hard, but earns modestly compared to friends' spouses/ partners who have businesses/ work in IT. Colleagues also seem to have partners who are doctors/ high up in Business etc.

I like my house & love my partner so much, but sometimes grapple with the fact we can't just click our fingers & do the extension/ fly off on holidays constantly. Only on the down days, though.

It's hard. I get it.

@BewareoftheLambs

Your post on the salary and no holiday pay is wrong. Show me a contract where it says that.

It is I'm afraid something your imagination has invented.

Many, many friends who are teachers or retired teachers and none would agree with you.

There is none who would say 'I don't get paid for holidays'.

Many teachers do cpd in their holidays - courses, prep, even being in school prior to the start ot term.

If the holidays were all paid for the salaries of teachers would be far higher. A pp explained it far better than I did, but you are still wrong I'm afraid.

Your posts are laughable. I have retired senior teachers/ Heads, in my family, among my best friends, and so on.

You're telling me I don't know how salaries work?

It they've had a very high household income for many years, it's very likely they will have a sizeable savings and investment portfolio and are looking forward to a very comfortable retirement.

@Jhhgrtf, that’s good to know. I’m sure we all feel better knowing that.

I work in the sector and also know many and have some who are relatives etc. I suggest you find and read the pp's post that explains it properly so that you fully understand as this will help make it clear.

If you have the creativity and cojones to start your own business, there are years of no money and paying yourself no/little salary while the business takes hold. There is terrifying unpredicitability about whether you can afford to buy a house and then keep it. Any variable percentage of what you make will be taken from you every year, depending on what the government decides will win voters. You cannot decide what to pay your staff, who can go off sick any time and still get paid by you, who can be incompetent and still get paid by you. If you try to stop paying people who are not even providing you a service, you will end up in an employment tribunal. When the latest US oil acquisition campaign occurs, you worry about your overheads and whether you will even have a business next year. You work longer hours and get more stressed, while your partner supports you and your family. You pray that we don't get another pandemic: People making banana bread don't buy your product and you will lose everything.

Well said, CinnamonJellyBeans. How about all of that @TheAngryPuxie and you can add in that when you start your own business you can never afford to turn any work away until you are established as you don't know where the next job will come from. Then there is the stress of getting paid, chasing invoices, late payers, non payers and if you employ people once the business is established ensuring you have enough cash flow or a supportive Bank so that you can pay your employees. Fancy that level of stress OP? Or would you rather be in a career whereby you never have to worry that you won't be paid at the end of the month, one where your pension is guaranteed and not subject to the ravages of the stock market, one where the Government pays a far higher whack into your pension than any privatey owned business does?

Yes, the rewards of owning and running a successful business are high but so are the risks it is not for the faint hearted.

Thank you for the advice, but no thanks.

Given one of my close family is a retired Head and many family are also teachers, I'm okay.

Teaching is a low-ish paid profession with generous holidays but there is nowhere the salary is advertised as being for term-time work only.

If you are 'in the sector' maybe you can cut and paste a teacher's contract?

I don't need to because that's not what I've said, I've said if the holidays were fully paid for (rather than it being a division across 12 momths) the salaries would be higher, which is true. Perhaps your close family member will explain it to you if you aren't willing to read pp's post.

I disagree with that, I'm a little bit younger than OP, but solidly in my 50s, even back then teaching seemed a really poor choice. It always felt vocational rather than anything else.

No-one goes into teaching for the money.

And I'm very glad my children are young adults now, because teaching is so horrible in terms of environment and remuneration that unless one is incredibly motivated by pedagogy I'm not sure why anyone with the slightest spark would choose it as a career.

Which is concerning.

But we all experience is? I think.

If it makes you feel better OP I was massively shafted by my family of origin.

My partner and myself are working again in our late 60's to keep afloat. That's it,

You and your husband chose a typical working class career

You seem nice.

men do not give birth lol, stay at home mum thing affects careers a lot of the time.

Just because women give birth doesn’t mean they can’t be ambitious. I earn double what my husband does, I am the more ambitious one of the pair of us,
despite the fact I gave birth. Twice.

Two full time teachers without progression should be on £45k each at the top of the main pay band. You benefitted from cheap houses in the 90s and are still paying a mortgage? Doesn't sound like your income is the actual problem.

terrible isnt it, if everyone aimed that high then who would teach, clean, fill shelves in shops etc, empty the bins... see society without all those people being dubbed "working class careers" the snobbery...

At the end of the day we have to live with ourselves. " working class?" disgusting comment.

I don't think we are disagreeing in principle, just the way we are commenting.

The salary reflects the amount of time in the classroom.
That's not the same as saying teachers are not paid for holidays.

You've gradually clarified your explanation and now it aligns with mine, which is what I've always known.
(It's not a case of my not understanding.)

The number of weeks holiday can be-
Summer - 6
Easter and Christmas - 2
Half terms - 3.
Plus occasional days.

It's not relevant anyway in terms of the OP's AIBU and envy. Unless she and her H find other work in the school holidays to increase their income.

If your goal was to be comfortable in life then you should have had a plan to accumulate wealth by looking at different careers, marrying someone else etc. There are lots of reasons why people become wealthy, successful business, inheritance, investments paying off.

Full time Scottish teachers get 40 days paid annual leave and 195 paid working days. The other 26 week days are not paid. Salary is normal paid over 12 payments but it is 10 months salary. It is in the contracts. Pay & Leave specifications are in the job adverts never mind the contracts.

OP hasn't retired, it's the friend in the fancy house who is retired

If you really wanted to get paid better you could have looked at teaching in a private school or a grammar school or done tutoring on the side.