AIBU to feel upset my partner used an AI version of me?

[CanOnlyBeMyself]

I’ve NC for this.

Yesterday my partner, who designs my business cards etc., decided (unprompted) to add an image of me to my leaflet. This isn’t something I’d want or do but I suppose it would be a compliment if he’d seen a nice photo of me and thought it’d enhance the overall look. Except it isn’t me: it’s a fantasy version done using AI. Younger, more beautiful, happier, ‘‘better’ figure. He’s spent time on this as my clothing is pretty much spot-on, including my logo on ‘her’ t-shirt. She even has my freckles, and hair colour before I had to ‘enhance’ it.

It’s left me feeling like crap. I’m approaching my mid-fifties, have a fair deal of family and financial worries and as a result have been working extra hard in an attempt to sort things out. I’m exhausted and although I try to take care of my appearance I don’t always have the time or resources to dye my hair, do my nails etc. I didn’t think it was that much of an issue (bearing in mind he’s not getting any younger either). Am I wrong to be upset by this?

YABU: He probably sees you like this and didn’t realise you’d be offended (because he doesn’t understand how ageing affects women). It was thoughtless but not the end of the world.

YANBU: He’s a self-absorbed sexiest pig and you’d be best off freeing him up so he can find his fantasy woman/girl.

I would be hurt by this. You should be good enough as you are, not some pimped up pneumatic fantasy simulation. Have you asked him what was in his head when he did that?

Thank you for replying. I haven’t seen him yet (we’re meeting up later) but I have a feeling he’ll tell me I’m overreacting and I’m trying to start a row. I don’t feel I am. I feel so hurt.

No-one's going to be able to vote in good faith with those ridiculously manipulated choices.

As for the AI image I wouldn't be upset but I'd be a bit annoyed.

He didn't 'obviously spend time on it' though, as it takes minutes to design these things.

Download Canva and start doing them yourself, it's very simple.

Thank you @LadyTable I wasn’t sure what to put for the choices. Simple version YABU: you’re wrong, what he did was fine. YANBU: you’re right, it’s offensive.

I have no urge to download Canva and make my own. Why would I?

I wouldn't like it, plus I would be concerned it might appear as a misrepresentation, as it's on your business cards.

I have no urge to download Canva and make my own. Why would I?

This is a strange question because why wouldn't you?

It's very simple to use and you get to choose your own designs rather than your partner's.

Don’t worry, none of these are being printed @Hadalifeonce. I’m proud of the skills I’ve honed and it’s not my body I’m selling!

Are we talking photorealistic image or a stylised characature? Former id probably question, later I’d probably be ok with.

I don't think any business card would look professional if it had an AI version of anyone on it.

And I don't care what the person running the business looks like. The card should clearly state the service you offer with a logo that's scalable and simple. You don't need AI images of people on there.

So yeah. Tell him it looks ridiculous and unprofessional. And that you don't need his input into the design of your marketing materials.

@LadyTable The leaflets etc. are fine as they are and have been updated recently (using human skills rather than AI).

Are we talking photorealistic image or a stylised characature? Former id probably question, later I’d probably be ok with.

@Notmyreality Do you mind me asking why? It’s still intended to represent me and it makes me feel as though I’m not good enough to be shown as I am.

I’d rather an AI version of me looking great than a real photo of me looking awful. So I probably wouldn’t care. But I definitely wouldn’t like a picture of me AI or normal on my business stuff, unless maybe I was a PT or some physical type of job.

How did he achieve this? Did he instruct AI to make you look younger/prettier/slimmer? Or sit there poring over your photo changing every part of you he thought could be improved? Or something else? Because unless it's the 'something else', I'd be very upset indeed.

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I honestly wouldn’t read too much into this. It’s like people who add filters to their photos or YouTube videos. He probably thought of it as a business tool to present you in the best possible way. I would be very surprised if he meant anything by it. By all means tell him how it makes you feel and get him to change it if you feel strongly about it.

AI is so quick, he wouldn't have spent a lot of time on it. AI will change your face and body , even when you use prompts to specifically ask it not too. I think you are overreacting.

You just upload the image and play around with them for a few minutes.

I’d rather an AI version of me looking great

@MeganM3 Me too, probably. But maybe at least with my face, rather than a fantasy version thirty years younger with bigger eyes, perfect teeth and huge eyelashes lol.

I am sorry. That must be so very hurtful. We are constantly looking into the mirror wondering where the last 20 years have gone. But your husband, as certainly not looking as fresh as he did on his wedding day to you, should embrace both of your aging as the proof of journey together as it is. If you feel like some high and low lights, fillers and botox you go for it, girl. If you embrace every wrinkle, you do you and be proud of every beautiful sign of aging as this is you. But your husband's job is not to airbrush you into a version that doesn't exist. And if she did would she look at him!? Nope. You need to speak to him about it. We are constantly judged by some strange beauty standards that are untrue and unhealthy. Your husband should be a safe place. And not " rubbing it in ". I would be very hurt, embarrassed and shaken. And it would make me feel very, very insecure.

You just upload the image and play around with them for a few minutes.

Yep it’s really easy. I’ve done a few for fun (before I knew about the environmental impact). That isn’t the point of this thread though: I’m concerned my DPs image of me represents how he wishes I looked. I don’t. Nowhere close.

Unless clearly tagged as AI enhanced, a photorealistic image of a younger, prettier (possibly enhanced) version of someone is effectively misrepresentation. The viewer isn’t aware it has been edited. It’s the old photoshop touching up pictures argument.
A stylised representative image like an avatar is obviously computer generated, and so no one will assume you actually look like that in real life. The assumption of the viewer will be it highlights your best bits and main features so hair colour and style, freckles, glasses or no etc. Generally these images are designed to reflect your “best self” and how you view yourself which for most people is a younger, fitter etc. as most people’s internal picture of themselves is how they were at 25. Of course if that not how you want to be represented then that up to you. Ultimately it should be your decision and done with your consent.

Apologies if I worded clumsily, I was just thinking if the image looks like a photo of the younger you, will people be expecting to meet that person?

Thank you @MumToad. This is exactly how I feel. I’ve lost my ‘safe space’ where I can feel happy to be as I am. I’ve mainly felt fairly ok about ageing up to this point because I’ve concentrated on achieving skills above worrying about my looks (while always making the effort to look after myself healthwise!). This has really thrown me.

I was just trying to gauge whether he'd just asked AI to enhance the picture to give you the best possible image for the profile, and AI had 'decided' what needed to change, or whether he'd personally sat there thinking, she'd be better with bigger eyes, a slimmer waist, a firmer jaw, different hair etc, as the second is worse than the first.

Yes that’s very true @Hadalifeonce. It could definitely be classed as misrepresentation. A bit like using a profile pic taken thirty years ago!

So make your own business cards if you don’t like what he’s done.