AIBU to feel upset my partner used an AI version of me?

[CanOnlyBeMyself]

I’ve NC for this.

Yesterday my partner, who designs my business cards etc., decided (unprompted) to add an image of me to my leaflet. This isn’t something I’d want or do but I suppose it would be a compliment if he’d seen a nice photo of me and thought it’d enhance the overall look. Except it isn’t me: it’s a fantasy version done using AI. Younger, more beautiful, happier, ‘‘better’ figure. He’s spent time on this as my clothing is pretty much spot-on, including my logo on ‘her’ t-shirt. She even has my freckles, and hair colour before I had to ‘enhance’ it.

It’s left me feeling like crap. I’m approaching my mid-fifties, have a fair deal of family and financial worries and as a result have been working extra hard in an attempt to sort things out. I’m exhausted and although I try to take care of my appearance I don’t always have the time or resources to dye my hair, do my nails etc. I didn’t think it was that much of an issue (bearing in mind he’s not getting any younger either). Am I wrong to be upset by this?

YABU: He probably sees you like this and didn’t realise you’d be offended (because he doesn’t understand how ageing affects women). It was thoughtless but not the end of the world.

YANBU: He’s a self-absorbed sexiest pig and you’d be best off freeing him up so he can find his fantasy woman/girl.

despite never having negatively commented on them before?

Not on my looks directly but certainly on the wives of friends. Grey hair, looking old, let herself go…

No. I agree you should have told him, that is different. I think he needs to know that. You feel the way you feel. He knows better than he can do better around your feelings. My point was that he didn't set out to hurt you deliberately.

This thread really reminds me of the AI tattoo thread from a couple of days ago.

I am finding it absolutely staggering how many people miss the point completely. It hasn't got to with AI. It hasn't got do do with an effective ad campaign. He could have drawn it with crayons and she still would feel the same. And really??? The " lets see the photo " calls?! Absolutely irrelevant. It's about feeling suddenly insecure, not knowing if your husband wants you as a 30 year younger model and all that entails. It's all a bit like school here. Honestly, I fear what my DD will encounter in puberty with all the existing crap views about beauty. Never mind woman that aren't even empathetic to each other's feelings. I hope your children behave better than you.

Unless there's some huge back story, totally over the top reaction.

People saying he is wrong have never used ai. I partner is a plumber and his business cards are ai cartoon picture of him most people are now.

Thank you for understanding @MumToad

I think it's a normal thing to use now unfortunately.

I am sure you are gorgeous.

I very much doubt he specifically asked ai to make those changes. If you put in a photo and ask ai yo put that person in a certain pose or situation it will often automatically airbrush/ enhance them. He probably just then thought it was a nice picture of you!

It's a social media trend among older people, so that fits. A gen z wouldn't do this.

I get what you mean but I think YABU, especially since you've played around with making AI images of yourselves before and laughed about it. You don't have to like the image or use it, I wouldn't, but yabu to be offended.

What was his intention? How would he present himself via AI?
Was he being shallow or just a man?

Meaning - clumsy and thoughtless.

From your title I thought you were going to say that you found out he’d been creating an AI version of you to talk dirty to or something really inappropriate.

I think you’re being overly sensitive to the situation. He was trying to do you a favour and help you with your business. There was no ill intention here.

Yeah. I would find it embarrassing. Comparable to people who put 10 year old photos on dating sites.
I don't think he meant to hurt you. Just probably thought it was more convenient for you than having to get sorted for a photocopy yourself and got it wrong.
This is way I find AI creepy. Just make it clear to him that your image is yours and yours alone in future.

I would have found it amusing. We all get old.

If you're really upset, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You're upset, therefore it's wrong, and if he can't accept that (even if he can't understand why) then he's probably not the man for you.

OP think you’re massively reading into this.

The vast majority of people would feel the opposite. Flip it on its head….imagine if he has created this a leaflet with ‘you’ on and the image was an old fat woman, with droopy boobs, bags under her eyes and grey hair. I’m certainly not saying you’re any of those things, but emphasising the point. Most people would go “good god that’s offensive!”. As such…don’t think he could really win either way.

Until you speak to this man, you won't really know what he was thinking or what he wants. You know you feel insecure about it because the image is younger and also more beautiful; but you don't know why he picked that. How he responds to your feelings now is way more important than the actual image, or even why he thought it was a good idea.

He hasn't designed "you" just fed your photo into CHATGBT or similar & that's how you have come out. I'm 66 & look ok in mine but was described as old lady looking at a view! Which in reality is true! 😂

He was just trying to do something nice for you.
It sounds as though you’re feeling a bit insecure.
Sorry you see yourself as not enough, I’m sure you are more beautiful than the AI one he has enhanced 💕

Youre hurt by this? My wife always gets me to tweak any photos including her before anything is shared. Incidentally she also tells people I’m 10yrs older than I really am because she she loves it when they say “Wow, he looks really good for his age”.

AI tends to improve pics. I doubt he instructed it to make you specifically younger, better looking etc. A frustration with AI is that it does that even when you ask it for an exact or realistic portrayal, it might be a build in or deliberate thing with it. I was trying hairstyles with it on myself and wanted a non improved version, it just kept spitting out me but 30 years younger

I’d be horrified and very angry if my partner fed a photo of me into AI for any reason. So on that basis alone YANBU.

Sounds like you are feeling a bit “inauthentic’
instead of comparing yourself to the picture maybe this is the image you are creating
we are all trying to’roll back the years , ‘ personally find ‘soft-focus works better for enhancing older looks

Any picture you ask AI to alter in any way, will alter the lighting and make everyone look the 'best' version of yourself. So if he asked AI to add the logo to your top, the other changes wouldve happened automatically without him asking.
I'd ask to look at his AI history before jumping to the conclusion that he deliberately altered your looks