AIBU to feel upset my partner used an AI version of me?

[CanOnlyBeMyself]

I’ve NC for this.

Yesterday my partner, who designs my business cards etc., decided (unprompted) to add an image of me to my leaflet. This isn’t something I’d want or do but I suppose it would be a compliment if he’d seen a nice photo of me and thought it’d enhance the overall look. Except it isn’t me: it’s a fantasy version done using AI. Younger, more beautiful, happier, ‘‘better’ figure. He’s spent time on this as my clothing is pretty much spot-on, including my logo on ‘her’ t-shirt. She even has my freckles, and hair colour before I had to ‘enhance’ it.

It’s left me feeling like crap. I’m approaching my mid-fifties, have a fair deal of family and financial worries and as a result have been working extra hard in an attempt to sort things out. I’m exhausted and although I try to take care of my appearance I don’t always have the time or resources to dye my hair, do my nails etc. I didn’t think it was that much of an issue (bearing in mind he’s not getting any younger either). Am I wrong to be upset by this?

YABU: He probably sees you like this and didn’t realise you’d be offended (because he doesn’t understand how ageing affects women). It was thoughtless but not the end of the world.

YANBU: He’s a self-absorbed sexiest pig and you’d be best off freeing him up so he can find his fantasy woman/girl.

I think he was trying to help your business. There are studies that say l
women wearing make-up / more attractive do better in the business world and are perceived as more capable. (I’m not saying it’s fair - just what studies have reported).

Looking happy in advert / leaflets would also be important because unless it’s a very serious service, eg funerals, then people subconsciously want to deal with people that look happy, rested, relaxed, accommodating etc not someone who looks tired and therefore maybe grumpy.

Sounds like he went a bit too far with the image enhancement which is probably easy to do with AI.

@5128gap He’d have had to have asked it use a different face, or he spent time adjusting my features. Usually faces are kind of close in that you can tell who it is but they’re just a bit ‘off’. This one was beautiful and not me at all,(even before my face started to slide off lol). The word ‘younger’ would definitely have been typed in.

I don’t think any business card would look great with a photo of anyone on it - old or young. Was he with you when you were younger or not? Is that your gripe? He wishes he knew you when you were younger and missed the boat?

He is being unreasonable for using AI. One of the quickest way to put me off using a business.

Let’s see the photo OP, as you say it looks nothing like you so it’s still anonymous!

Please don't feel that you've let yourself down by not spending more time and money on your looks - you look your age, which most of us do, and I'm sure your DP looks exactly how old he is, as men do.

He was crass and immature to manipulate your image to make you younger and sexier

He's shown very poor judgement in thinking that this had any place on a businness card

And if he just brushes it off as you overreacting, then he's an arse and I'd question the relationship.

I think he was trying to help your business. There are studies that say l
women wearing make-up / more attractive do better in the business world and are perceived as more capable. (I’m not saying it’s fair - just what studies have reported).

@MagneticSquirrel While I have no doubt this is true, using an image of me on my business literature was never discussed or needed. It isn’t a requirement in my line of work where skills are paramount and looks completely irrelevant.

AI generates it, he would not have put in specific detail. I have put a picture of me into AI and told them to make a AI version. It made me look amazing but nothing like me, just a beautified, AI version. You are reading way too much into this.

So make your own. Tbf most professions aren’t looks focussed anyway.

Thanks @Stoneycold12 The weird thing is I’m told I look young for my age if anything! But I don’t care really (or didn’t). My main issues were feeling irritated about being a bit more achy than I used to be, and a touch of loneliness since my DD left home. Now I can add piggy eyes, graying hair, imperfect teeth, tits travelling south and lack of permasmile to the list…

I would be checking what prompt he entered to create it. if he didn't ask for younger/more attractive then there's no real issue surely. he may have said something like make this picture suitable for use on a business card and ai decided that was the way to go.

Please tell me these studies are from the 1950s? That is shocking. And genuinely fucking depressing.

Of course if you are too pretty you aren’t taken seriously.

Its almost like women are still unwelcome in the business world…

AI generates it, he would not have put in specific detail. I have put a picture of me into AI and told them to make a AI version. It made me look amazing but nothing like me, just a beautified, AI version. You are reading way too much into this

@crowfollower This is what I think he’ll say. but the problem is I feel he’s completely disregarding my feelings. Not only did I not ask him to do this, he knows I’ve been feeling down and exhausted recently and not feeling or looking my best. It’s almost a ‘this is what you should look like’ dig. I like to think I’m sensitive to his feelings and I don’t understand how he could do something so wide of the mark.

Do you think he was trying to be helpful? Just playing around with an image? Everyone I have seen use a picture like that has 'enhanced' themselves. Partly, I suppose because everything is even and smoothed out and nobody looks like that irl. I would be very upset if I thought that was how my DP wanted me to look and sad he didn't know me better to realise I don't want that kind of representation of myself.

Literally every business on my Facebook is creating adverts with these AI characters. You are reallyyyyy overthinking it, he was trying to help.

Let’s see the photo OP, as you say it looks nothing like you so it’s still anonymous!

@Jamesblonde2 The business logo on ‘my’ (now very tight) t-shirt might give it away! Also, it’s completely irrelevant as you don’t know what the real me looks like.

For me it would very much depend on what he said about how this came about. And I have to say I wouldn't be very impressed with being accused of trying to create an argument, that's a shitty response to a woman (or anyone) raising an issue, no matter what that issue is.

He will say this because this is what happened. He certainly would NOT have put in prompts to make you look younger or prettier. He will probably be mortified that you are upset. You seeing it as a dig is your issue, your self esteem issues. Would it have been worse if he made an AI image of you where you look like shit? Then you would be complaining that this is how he sees you.
Maybe he sees you like the image AI did create, maybe he doesn't see the flaws that you do, he is seeing you though his lense, his eyes.
The man can't win here.

I thought this.

And I hate the idea overall.

I find it weird that so many blokes use AI to produce women figures anyway.

What's he like generally, is he normally insensitive?

Why don't you put a photo of yourself into AI with no prompts and see what it generates for you.

Literally every business on my Facebook is creating adverts with these AI characters. You are reallyyyyy overthinking it, he was trying to help.

I didn’t ask him to make any changes.
Facebook AI ads generally look incredibly tacky.
But you’re completely missing the point: he made me look significantly younger, as though the mid-fifties version isn’t good enough for promo material. If AI was completely to blame why did he look at it and decide to leave it rather than send it to me, knowing how it would make me feel. I thought he knew me. It turns out he doesn’t.

You keep saying HE made me look younger, AI made you look younger. What is he meant to do tell them to make you look older and then have you upset about that too?

That is absolutely outrageous OP-he is trying to bring you down a peg or two. Has he ever produced an AI version of himself? If not, maybe you should. And add more hair, a better figure, and a few inches to his AI version and see how he likes it.