AIBU to feel upset my partner used an AI version of me?

[CanOnlyBeMyself]

I’ve NC for this.

Yesterday my partner, who designs my business cards etc., decided (unprompted) to add an image of me to my leaflet. This isn’t something I’d want or do but I suppose it would be a compliment if he’d seen a nice photo of me and thought it’d enhance the overall look. Except it isn’t me: it’s a fantasy version done using AI. Younger, more beautiful, happier, ‘‘better’ figure. He’s spent time on this as my clothing is pretty much spot-on, including my logo on ‘her’ t-shirt. She even has my freckles, and hair colour before I had to ‘enhance’ it.

It’s left me feeling like crap. I’m approaching my mid-fifties, have a fair deal of family and financial worries and as a result have been working extra hard in an attempt to sort things out. I’m exhausted and although I try to take care of my appearance I don’t always have the time or resources to dye my hair, do my nails etc. I didn’t think it was that much of an issue (bearing in mind he’s not getting any younger either). Am I wrong to be upset by this?

YABU: He probably sees you like this and didn’t realise you’d be offended (because he doesn’t understand how ageing affects women). It was thoughtless but not the end of the world.

YANBU: He’s a self-absorbed sexiest pig and you’d be best off freeing him up so he can find his fantasy woman/girl.

OP this reeks of insecurity. If AI got involved then it's never going to look quite like you. It also would never make you look older or uglier because AI tries to please. If you think your husband's motives were to display a woman he fancies more in a flyer rather than present a flattering caricature of you then that's a problem. It doesn't read like that to me.

This is so sad. I'm sorry. I would be really upset, too.

It's the latest social media trend to have AI pics, he's just trying to stay current. I wouldn't read anything into this at all.

YABU, and as others have said, it probably really wasn't him labouring for hours to craft this ideal version of you. If he'd done that, you'd have more reasonable grounds for being hurt or offended. Just asking AI to spit out an image and possibly tweaking it to make it look more like you? That's not nearly as troubling, imo.

You shouldn't use the photo if you don't want to, but it's not that uncommon for people to not look exactly like themselves on promotional materials, including in respected professions like specialists. Last time I went to a new doctor, I wouldn't have recognised her from the photo she has posted on her website. Didn't make me respect her any less. One was the result of a professional photo shoot putting her best foot forward and the other was her working a long day at her job.

Why don't you put a photo of yourself into AI with no prompts and see what it generates for you.

Yes I’ve done that. It looks like me, just with more even skin lol. The same eyes, same shaped nose, same body.

Im not sure I’m making my point clear though. My DP is the person I think knows me the best but now I don’t feel he understands anything I’ve been going through, at all.

This.

It's the latest social media trend to have AI pics, he's just trying to stay current. I wouldn't read anything into this at all.

We’re a bit old for ‘social media trends’ I would hope. We come from a time ‘before’.

I’d have laughed

Thank you @shhblackbag

Same! I think OP is making a big deal out of this. I wouldn’t be upset but as OP is then she should speak to her partner.

@UniquePinkSwan Why? You wouldn’t mind if your DP disregarded your feelings? We made a silly AI image of ourselves recently (of a film idea starring us both) and that made me laugh, a lot. This didn’t though. Discovering your long-term DP doesn’t understand you isn’t funny and I hope you never experience it x

you said it was for your business? Most businesses try to stay on top of trends to keep themselves up and front and attract new customers.

You are being ridiculous. If he uses an AI image that makes you look good, you are hurt, if he uses an AI image that makes you look as you are, flaws and all, you would be hurt. Like I said, he might see you like that, he might think you look that good. It's your own insecurities that is causing the hurt. Your own perception of what you look like.

How has he disregarded your feelings? You haven't even spoken to him yet and you laughed last time he did an ai image of you so how would he know you wouldn't like this one? Lots of AI automatically makes people look younger etc you don't need to specifically ask for it.

So far more people have voted YABU than not and I’m keen to understand why. Is anyone able to explain to why my DP not considering my feelings shouldn’t matter? I really appreciate all your replies but feel more confused than ever now!

Is your business Only Fans?
If not what the hell does he think you are marketing? Difficult to explain authenticity and honestly to someone for whom it doesnt come naturally.

@RudolphTheReindeer Thanks for your reply. Maybe the issue is that the business image was intended as a serious proposition, whereas the film thing was just a laugh (and didn’t give me enhanced features!). If I’m going to be on business stuff (which I’m not) I want it to look like me, not a male fantasy of me.

I take on board that he might have had less input into this as I thought but he still didn’t look at the finished result and think ‘I’d better leave that when she’s feeling so down on herself’.

@FateAmenableToChange Exactly! I’m afraid I have to agree with you. I might be fighting a losing battle.

I don't think he necessary didn't consider your feelings though, he was just messing about with AI. I think it's a leap from 'DH made a flattering caricature of me' to 'DH doesn't consider my feelings'. There's a gap there and you've filled it in with your own insecurities. There may be other things that weigh the argument in your favour, but from what I've read it isn't enough to convince me.

I bet he didn’t even give it a second thought, just got carried away with playing with the AI

You have created all the “this is a total judgement of me and our relationship” in your own head.

I think you need to chill out a bit, and see it for what is is .. an AI generated bit of fun.

It’s hard to really know without knowing your DP, OP, but my instinct is that he sees you like the image - beautiful, vibrant, freckles etc, and doesn’t see you the way you have described yourself at all.

Men who love us are often not very critical of our appearances - they see us through their feelings.

he obviously thought he was doing something nice and sees you as lovely.

whether he did the right thing - obviously not as it’s upset you - but to me, it seems to have been done through love.

You are being ridiculous. If he uses an AI image that makes you look good, you are hurt, if he uses an AI image that makes you look as you are, flaws and all, you would be hurt. Like I said, he might see you like that, he might think you look that good. It's your own insecurities that is causing the hurt. Your own perception of what you look like.

@crowfollower Firstly, feelings shouldn’t matter never be dismissed as ‘ridiculous’. Feelings are feelings and I’m trying to get to the bottom of why it’s made me feel this way.

I didn’t ask him to use an image, AI or otherwise. He had plenty of real images he could’ve used that are fine and I wouldn’t have felt hurt by. But still this isn’t the issue. He might think I look that good? He’s going to have a shock when he arrives later then lol!

I agree it could very well be my own insecurities that are causing the hurt. The thing is, should I have kept these to myself rather than letting him know them? I suppose then I could’ve told myself ‘he didn’t know’.

Thank you @KnewYearKnewMe. I don’t think for a minute he did it with malice. He just didn’t get to the stage of thinking ‘will she appreciate this’ I suppose. It’s almost like he made it to please himself and didn’t think any further than that.

I agree it could very well be my own insecurities that are causing the hurt. The thing is, should I have kept these to myself rather than letting him know them? I suppose than I could’ve told myself ‘he didn’t know’.

But you need to think about what's more likely. That it's your insecurities that are causing this? Or that your partner of years has suddenly decided to have a dig at you for your looks, despite never having negatively commented on them before?

you said it was for your business? Most businesses try to stay on top of trends to keep themselves up and front and attract new customers.

@RudolphTheReindeer Yes of course, but my business now all comes through word of mouth and a professional membership so no online advertising is needed. Also currently have a huge waiting list so a pimped up image of a beautiful woman is most definitely not required!