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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

806 replies

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:18

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

OP posts:
Disco2022 · 10/04/2026 23:20

Obviously not. He's a dick

lolacherricoke · 10/04/2026 23:20

Not something I would do!! This is something I would do at nap time!!

Hadenough32 · 10/04/2026 23:20

He's wrong. Just enjoy it whilst it lasts. Time to relax with a baby/ toddler is few and far between.

DalmationalAnthem · 10/04/2026 23:22

What's his packed itinerary and chores list when he is parenting by himself?

JMSA · 10/04/2026 23:23

I’m sure you do other stuff with her, like take her to the park, play with her, sing, look at books, go to a baby group, etc. So I think it’s ok if balanced with other activities.

D3vonmaid · 10/04/2026 23:23

Your post is lacking a bit of context, what time is she waking? 3am or 7am? If it’s your normal morning wake up time, I don’t see what’s wrong with giving her milk and then having your coffee. If your DH is unhappy with the morning provision tell him to get his lazy judgemental arse out of bed and provide the all-singing, all-dancing educational
showcase that she’s obviously missing.

DallazMajor · 10/04/2026 23:26

Tell him to eat shit.

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:27

This is around 8am. Change her, feed her. Then pop her in playpen, she sits happily and plays with her toys (its huge and she has lots of toys there). I love having my coffee and watching a bit of telly. Its literally only 30/60mins and I only do this as she doesnt nap in her cot, never has! She would only nap in her moses basket months and months ago. Next to me, travel cot, big cot - nope. So all naps are contact and they have to be in bedroom or she wont nap on me lol so my morning coffee is my downtime for the day. Obv if she stands in the playpen and is looking at me I instantly give her attention and play. Or if she is every grumpy in there I take her out.
He said I have no reason to need a break first thing in morning and what is that teaching her etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:28

Yes rest of day, making her breakfasts, lunch, dinner, going walks, soft plays, reading to her all the time, lots of play... rest of day if she is in playpen, I go in there too and play with her or read.

OP posts:
ModestlyPrudent · 10/04/2026 23:28

What’s the rest of the day like for DD?

TeenLifeMum · 10/04/2026 23:29

Tell him that you’re teaching her independent play and that’s important for her development! (I never achieved this myself 😭)

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:30

I do pop ms rachel on when she is in highchair whilst I cook as she will cry until I take her out. I have tried highchair toys and she just throws them or cries. He is always saying its too much screen time but after food is cooked it goes straight off and I sit with her and eat together and interact with her. I guess I hate he is so opinionated when he has never cooked for her so hasnt come up against this but is telling me im being lazy!

OP posts:
ModestlyPrudent · 10/04/2026 23:30

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:28

Yes rest of day, making her breakfasts, lunch, dinner, going walks, soft plays, reading to her all the time, lots of play... rest of day if she is in playpen, I go in there too and play with her or read.

Then all seems fine. Tell DH to-do one, most people need their coffee/tea in the morning to get going.

ChickenBananaBanana · 10/04/2026 23:30

lolacherricoke · 10/04/2026 23:20

Not something I would do!! This is something I would do at nap time!!

Take half an hour to have a drink whilst babies happily playing? Yeha alright

thetinsoldier · 10/04/2026 23:31

When your h is looking after her, how does he interact with her?

PermanentTemporary · 10/04/2026 23:31

I’d ask him compassionately if he is having a shit time at work, has he got something on his mind?

The only thing I would say is that I loathe TV in the morning, both for children and myself. If he felt like me about it then he might want to talk about a different routine. But ultimately the parent dealing with the child gets to make the calls.

Fabler · 10/04/2026 23:32

Too much screen time for under two year olds.

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:32

Rest of day is reading, walks, either with just me or other mum friends, sometimes softplay, maybe babygroup (twice per week), sometimes visiting family. I will sit in her playpen with her at other points in day and read to her or play with her toys with her. If she is happy playing in playpen what harm is me having a coffee and catching up with some TV? In same room? As said, if she looks at me and wants interaction I stop watching TV and I speak to her, play with her etc. And she comes straight out if she is being grumpy.

OP posts:
ChickenBananaBanana · 10/04/2026 23:34

I do the same op. I can't be Mr tumble from the second I wake up I need a drink and a bowl of cereal cos you know as well as mama I'm a human being.

Rubes24 · 10/04/2026 23:34

This is obviously perfectly fine. He is being very sanctimonious for someone who is clearly not looking after a baby all day...

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:34

Fabler · 10/04/2026 23:32

Too much screen time for under two year olds.

Its only when I am cooking. I also interact with her but she cries to come out of highchair unless ms rachel is on I am unsure what to do. I dont put ms rachel on TV, and she doesnt sit and watch what I watch on TV, she is playing with her toys.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:35

Thank you it made me feel like shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:36

But then 34% agree with dh. What is wrong this what I am doing. I genuinely am interested in other people opinion.

OP posts:
ModestlyPrudent · 10/04/2026 23:37

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:32

Rest of day is reading, walks, either with just me or other mum friends, sometimes softplay, maybe babygroup (twice per week), sometimes visiting family. I will sit in her playpen with her at other points in day and read to her or play with her toys with her. If she is happy playing in playpen what harm is me having a coffee and catching up with some TV? In same room? As said, if she looks at me and wants interaction I stop watching TV and I speak to her, play with her etc. And she comes straight out if she is being grumpy.

Could she go in a walker or one of those things they bounce-in that hangs from the door frame (sorry, I’ve forgotten the name of it, it’s been a while, my kids had a bouncing Tigger!) instead of sitting in the high-chair watching TV while you cook? She’s still playing then and getting to explore her surroundings too!

LondonPapa · 10/04/2026 23:40

Honestly? You strike me as lazy. But you do you.