To not know how to handle the response to the joint party suggestion?

[runningroundalot]

Reading threads on here and noticed that a lot of people suggested joint parties to save money. Parties are really expensive so I messaged another mum with a birthday around the same time as ds to see if she’d like to throw them a joint party.

She’s replied in a way that’s made me feel really awkward, made it kind of plain that she thinks it’s a really odd suggestion.

I don’t know how to leave it now! Wish I’d never asked.

I probably am overthinking, she said that she hadn’t heard of them before and that was the bit that made me feel awkward. She said her ds would prefer to do his own thing but she hoped we had a good party - made me feel a bit snubbed tbh but I’m probably being over sensitive.

@runningroundalot I think you need to share the reply, so that we can determine whether they did in fact suggest it was an odd request and if you should be feeling awkward or not.

That sounds a reasonable response tbf. No need to feel awkward.

Weird that she's never heard of a joint party, they're extremely common.

No need to feel awkward, her reply sounds perfectly fine. She/ her ds is allowed to want to do their own thing. We’ve had 2 joint parties since the start of reception (and probably been to 40 parties between my twins).

I think her response was fine.

Mine would have hated to share their birthday party with anyone else so I too would have declined to do a joint party.

I see you answered my Q here.

Yes, she does think it was odd as her child hasn’t heard of yours, unless she hadn’t actually bothered checking this.

To be honest, if neither I or my child hadn’t heard of yours, I don’t think I would’ve even replied to you. I’d have assumed it was sent to the wrong person.

I would be feeling a little awkward too, and embarrassed, but no harm done really. You just need to make sure you offer joint parties with your DCs actual friends in future!

I think the op must mean they haven't heard of joint parties ?

You are definitely being over sensitive.

I’ve never heard of it before either, apart from with family or very close friends.

I can imagine lots of children wang their own party and I can imagine it can cause issues if one of you wants to spend more than the other etc.

I think it was fine for you to make the suggestion but that her reply was also fine.

I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
Just draw a line and move on.

Maybe she was taken aback by the assumption that she’d want to reduce costs. It’s bonkers to me, but lots of people seem to go absolutely all out and OTT for 5 year old birthday parties. I say save it until they’re 15, they mean much more!

Not in the UK here, but in my daughter's class we all team up for parties. Completely normal. Her response doesn't sound odd to me though and I wouldn't overthink it.

I can see why you feel awkward but it wasn't anything to feel bad about, she probably wasn't familiar with the idea.

You offered. She said no thanks.

honestly don’t over think it .

Focus on planning a lovely little party for your child.

it really isn’t a big deal unless you make it one .

I assumed - maybe wrongly - that they hadn’t heard of OPs child before, not joint parties!

Not your fault if she’s lived under a rock all her life.

I’m not sure anyone else in DS’s class had had one before him and his friend had a joint party in Year 2, which went down so well (a mobile go-karting operation in a local sports hall) that I noticed several kids had joint parties the following year. It was the other dad’s suggestion, but as long as DS was happy, we were on board. At his second primary, several of his friendship group had joint parties.

Yes, it looks as though I may have got the wrong end of the stick!

If that’s the case, there’s absolutely nothing to feel awkward about. 😀

If they're young, pre-school/reception age and this is her first she probably just hasn't come across the joint party yet, she almost certainly will do as they're very common.

No need to be offended/upset because someone hasn't experienced something yet!

That seems like a perfectly fine response from her. I’d think a joint party odd unless siblings or best of friends.

They have been very common in both my children’s classes. My own daughter had one with a class mate. It’s odd to not have heard of it but it’s fine to say no she’d rather do her own thing

I’d just say “No worries at all! Hope y enjoys his/ her party too!”

The whole “I’ve never heard of them” is odd but maybe she’s just a bit awkward. You asking is perfectly normal, and you know that. Equally it’s fine for her to say no.

I have had a lot of joint parties in my time. It works best if all the children know both birthday children. I had a joint party for my 8th with the daughter of my childminder (her 10th) who went to a different school and the room ended up being split down the middle with my friends on one side and hers on the other and no one mingled, it was quite awkward even for an 8 year old. Also make sure everyone there knows that it's a joint party, at my 7th joint with a friend who was also 7, she invited her adult sister who ended up having a huge go at me and making me cry cos I had helped myself to a piece of 'her sisters' birthday cake oblivious to the fact that it was my cake too and my Mum had made it. The best one I had for my and friends 18th, we invited 3 friends each and rented out the entire ground floor of a small posh restaurant and had an amazing dinner.
Joint parties can save money but some parents really don't like the idea. Maybe this Mum is worried her child won't like sharing attention or she may have her own ideas about parties and doesn't want someone else coming in and changing things. Joint parties are great if everyone is on board but if one parent takes over or a misunderstanding guest causes trouble it can cause resentment.

Ha same here! My daughter's class has a ridiculous number of April birthdays (including hers) and in their first year there were FIVE separate parties on one weekend, after which we all said enough and have organised a mega joint party for 6 kids together ever since. The kids absolutely love it, and we have budget to do much more since there are so many families involved.
Totally not weird to ask her OP, sorry you got such a short response.

It might have been something "everyone" did where you are but it certainly wasn't here and it doesn't sound as if it's a usual thing where OP is, either, as she only mentions having read it on here. Therefore, I don't think being flummoxed is out of the question, particularly as they don't appear to be close friends.

Yes, it surely you’d have heard of it! Unless you are totally unaware of anything that doesn’t happen in your immediate surrounds.

Did she say she’d not heard of your DS or not heard of joint parties? If your DS, that’s rude. If joint parties, that’s surprising but fine. It was a good idea and nice if you to suggest it. She doesn’t want to and that’s ok. No need to feel awkward.