To not know how to handle the response to the joint party suggestion?

[runningroundalot]

Reading threads on here and noticed that a lot of people suggested joint parties to save money. Parties are really expensive so I messaged another mum with a birthday around the same time as ds to see if she’d like to throw them a joint party.

She’s replied in a way that’s made me feel really awkward, made it kind of plain that she thinks it’s a really odd suggestion.

I don’t know how to leave it now! Wish I’d never asked.

Yes, I definitely wouldn’t have asked a child we hadn’t heard of for a joint party!

You're overthinking it, she politely declined. No need for any awkwardness.

I found it really awkward when a friend wanted to do this too. I can see her point.

I should probably have approached it differently (or not at all) no one else has had a joint party but I thought it would have saved some money!

I would have responded in the same way as she did. If they were v close friends, it would have been a reasonable pitch but not otherwise.

Would that be one party, but 2x presents required for each little cherub?

Hadn’t really got that far ahead tbh

ds really wants a party but money is tight. I’m sure we could have sorted the present thing but she doesn’t want to go haves which is fair enough. I just can’t work out if she’s thinking I’m a crazy woman and backing away slowly or not.

Well she is entitled to not want to do it, but I think it's a great idea. I did this when my older DC was 6. They had the same birthdate as 2 other kids, and me and the other 2 mums got together and decided what each one of us would do/would bring to the party/what food... (We paid for the venue between us, and I made a compilation CD of all the popular music that kids liked at the time, and brought my portable CD player.)

Around 30 kids were there. Each one of the 3 kids (including mine) got about 13-14 gifts. (Not all 30 knew all 3, so they didn't get 30 gifts each!) Most of the kids there knew at least half of the other kids there though.

Just forget about it.

You asked, she said no. No need to overthink it.

We did a joint 6th birthday party for our DD with a close mum friend as our daughters were close school friends.
It worked well, but it was not actually the cheap option really, mainly because it meant twice as many kids came!

I had a joint party for one of my DC 30 years ago. Their best friend was 4 days younger and we invited the whole class plus a few other friends/relatives. Obviously each mum made more sandwiches etc but fewer kinds of stuff. We normally had smaller parties at home. A lot of the guests brought 2 presents and only got one party but it was probably a 'better' party than usual.
My grandchildren have shared parties with friends, both whole class parties and much smaller groups.
It may not be a thing everywhere but someone has to start every trend.

Sorry to derail this but how is it possible that my kids ate the only ones in their class born in the month of their birthdays?
Eldest only Jan born in class, at rugby one of 3
Middle only August born. Had a joint party at age 8 with his friend turning 9 one year!
Youngest May, only her current infant class teacher has a May birthday 😂

My colleague’s child is in playschool and there currently have 5 joint birthdays, kids of different birthday months, so surprised she hasn’t heard of them. No worries, don’t overthink it. Happy birthday to your son.

How did you approach it? Did you mention the idea was due to the cost of a party?

If she hasn't heard of joint parties that's really weird. Even if she hadn't it's a bizarre thing to then tell you! It's not as if it's a complicated concept! Just 'thanks for offering but we've already made plans/DS wants to do his own thing' would have been fine.

I think you've dodged a bullet there tbh - next thing you know she'll be telling you balloons are dangerous and she doesn't believe in singing happy birthday or whatever.

I was asked this when my daughter was at primary. It was to be her first party and no,I didn't want her to share her party. And I said so.

we did loads of joint when my DC were small. It saved money and meant they could invite more people. The mums I coupled with were friends or at least mums I knew well. I wouldn’t have asked a random mum whose kid’s birthday was close to my child’s. The kids have to be friends too, not necessarily besties though imho.

When my DC were in primary, for a few years there was pretty much one party a month and all kids in that month shared it. It was great. Obviously there were some lone parties for whatever reason. Standard present was a coin in a card although most ended up with €1 per year of age. Shared birthday parties for under 10s are the bomb.

Are you friends?

if not mates then yes I would think it odd.

Quite! We had loads of joint parties over the years . One year we had a joint one for six kids with some amazing inflatables.

Nothing you can do about it now. Just try not to make a big thing of it and go on as if you'd never asked. I wouldn't bring it up again unless she does, unless you still need to respond to her refusal, in which case a friendly but casual 'no problem' type of acknowledgement would be enough. Whatever she thought of the suggestion, it's not likely to matter.

It's not a bizarre idea, but I wouldn't want to do that. Birthday parties don't have to cost a lot if kept simple and small, and many kids prefer to have their own day just for them, so if someone suggested that to me, I'd be looking for a way to decline without offending them.

If you’ve not replied, just say ‘No problem! I know a few people who’ve had them and they’ve been double the fun for the children.’ Then leave it there. It wasn’t a weird request - it was perfectly sensible for a kids’ party. Must just be that she would only think of doing it with a cousin etc.

You're broke. She's apparently not.

You made a suggestion, she said no, for valid reasons, quite politely.

I'm not sure why you'd feel "snubbed."

She probably has an equal amount of angst about her polite refusal to do a joint party.

Joint parties are a great idea. Lower cost, lower stress (hopefully), divided responsibility and also one less class party for the classmates parent to have to attend. Win win.
Very weird that she’s never heard of a joint party?! What on earth.
It was a popular set up with I was a kid in the 90s & definitely very popular now. I’d have bitten your hand off.

But surely you would normally do a joint party with a good friend or the mother of your child's good friend, not some random?