to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

[catchingup1]

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

YANBU at all. Your manager needs to address this.

The problem isn’t how she and her husband divide their responsibilities (at least, that’s not your problem). It’s that your manager isn’t managing properly - you need to raise the pressure and unsustainable work load with them.

This.

There could be lots of reasons her husband doesn’t or can’t pick up the slack, either way that isn’t your concern. This is a management issue and should be dealt with as such.

I agree with the fact that her personal circumstances and labour division at home is not your issue. The issue is the fact that you are picking up the slack where you could simply work on what you are contracted to do. You shouldn't stay late. Full stop. Until you start voicing the fact that you are capacity and refuse to work beyond your agreed time or workload, your manager has absolutely no incentive to do anything about the situation with your colleague.

As per PPs, it’s a bit strange you are focusing on their parenting arrangement rather than how your employers are handing it. I guess MN loves a feminist perspective, but it’s clear this is about your shared boss resolving the issue

Yes I get it is a management issue - I have mentioned that in my OP that she doesn't take any action.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

You're concentrating on the wrong thing.

Nothing about her home situation affects you at all.

EVERYTHING about how your manager deals with it affects you all.

If your manager avoids conflict then just say no?

Stop staying late and reshuffling things .
make it your manager's problem.
Tell them you simply do not have the time to cover the extra work. Leave it for your colleague to do.

You’ll have to start telling your manager you won’t have time to do your colleague’s Work after you’ve done yours so she’ll have to find someone else (or do it herself, which is when it will start to pinch and she might do something about it). Colleagues like yours make everything so much harder for other working parents. Nobody should have to concern themselves with anyone else’s private lives - everyone has stuff to deal with at some point. This isn’t a support circle. It’s a place you go to work to earn money to feed your family.

This. Don't take on more. Push the problem back to your manager. Eg rather than you staying late to get something done to time, it'll have to be a day late. Your manager then needs to handle that.

Start saying no. I don’t have capacity for this.

Stop covering for her. Her domestic arrangements are not your problem or your employer’s problem. She needs to sort her own arrangements.

Why do you do it though? I would never do someone else work because they aren’t there. I can’t even really relate to what you’re saying. What exactly do you pick up?

You mentioned it as something that makes matters worse, but it actually is the problem.

You could start working to rule, and only doing the work you’re employed to do. You could arrange a meeting with your manager to speak to them directly about it so that she can’t avoid the conversation. You could refuse to work late/say you have commitments that mean you can’t work late.

Of course she won’t. Everything is fine from her point of view. Stop suffering to make it fine for her

What @marcyhermit said,she's bullying the lot of you, including your manager, the fact that your language is placating and submissive around it, ie, it's OK to fuck off to pick your kids up /down tools if they're ill, ermmmm no it's not, at work you should barely know if someone has kids, she's got you all exactly where she wants you, and knows there's no redress because she's HR, Say no next time, and read up your company handbook, it's gonna take someone rocking the boat to rein in her cheeky fuckery, whether it's you or not, we'll that's up to you.

This....

Why do you tolerate it though?
I understand your manager should be dealing with it... but as long as you and other staff tolerate it and pick up the slack, nothing will change.

Start working your contracted hours only.

Stop doing the extra. "Sorry manager, I don't have capacity this week to do Julie's work as well as mine or X, Y, Z will slip". Doesn't sound that your manager is the type to insist.

I worked with someone with a child. I worked full time, she worked part time. We shared the work load, pro rata.

Fairly frequently, she would call in the morning to say she wasn’t working that day, even though she was supposed to and she would work a different day. This resulted in me having to pick up, or cancel her appointments and clinics. It didn’t take long for me to lose my patience with this. She didn’t like my attitude, so she left.

This could so be the opposing side of another thread that is ongoing at the moment!!

Well dont do it then.
Don't stay late- you're not obliged.
Don't pick up her slack- if its not done- all fingers point back at her.
You can only get taken advantage of if you allow it/

Good for you - some people are actually team players. I would only do this if it was someone who was a friend as well as a colleague though.

You need to go to your manager en masse and say that things need to change.