to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

[catchingup1]

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

Stop doing it. It's not your responsibility. Of course management won't look for a solution if you are already providing a solution.

Speak to your manager about your workload if it’s unmanageable.

For starters, stop staying late

There are certain people at work who always say yes to doing extra jobs. Once managers find those people they use them a lot. There are lots of ways to politely turn down extra work or staying late.

So, what should management actually do? In real life..

Work needs a properly communicated childcare policy.

People employed do need to have childcare in place. And not substitute sick or annual leave. Nor expect work to accommodate every absence due to childcare not being available today.
My old employer wanted people to have cover in place for when the usual first option goes sick etc.

And yes, colleagues have to pick up if you are not in.
It is true some childcare arrangements can cause resentment. People leaving early to pick up ( but being paid full time).

The fundamental is that you either do the hours you are paid for or you have to adjust them if you cannot. Not expecting everyone else to turn a blind eye.

I used to work as support staff in a school and senior management asked me to cover lunchtime because they didn't have enough lunchtime supervisors. I declined.

They said that they were short staffed and someone needed to do it. I said that was not my responsibility. They put pressure on me, saying if I didn't do it then one of the teachers would have to. I said fine, let the teacher do it. Guess what? The teacher didn't do it, they hired someone to do the job which they should have done in the first place.

Don't pick up the slack unless you a) really want to and b) get paid extra for it.

I quit a job because of this, after arguments with dh he shared the load and instead we both got in trouble with our managers constantly (have two children with horrendous ear and asthmatic issues that would be sent home from school regularly). It is a huge argument for there being a sahp at home. Saying that it’s not your issue and would agree your manager needs to look at alternatives

Unless there is an issue your are unaware of and the manager is yanbu. By issue I mean very ill child/temporary personal situation, but even then it’s for the manager to manage, and not be made your problem.

just start leaving on time op! and just do your own work and let the other stuff fall behind

I always leave at the dot of 5.30 cus i need to get my kid at 6 as chilidcare is shut then! literally not an option to stay on.

I used to do it and now i dont know why i did - when my kids are older i will remain the same and leave at the dot of 5.30 too and go home and relax or go out and do something fun.

Leave on time. Don't pick up your colleague's work and if you're asked to do it, ask which of your other tasks you should drop as you don't have time to do both. Let your manager choose which work gets done, it's their problem to prioritise it.

I sympathise.

I had similar some years ago when I worked in a particular school. It turned out that the colleague's husband was a depute in a neighbouring school.

It impacted on me significantly, because I was being pressured into picking up a significant amount of her work including report writing, not because she was absent (in the case of the report writing) but because - I kid you not - she was "a mother of four" and it was my job as her manager "to support her".

I'd had no say in employing this person and I'll add that at the time I was working full time and caring for two disabled adults.

I dug in my heels and—rather to my amusement—my line manager finished up writing her reports. It was quite bizarre: the depute had liaised with the member of staff in order to write the reports. It occurred to me that the member of staff would have been quicker writing them herself.

The said member of staff is no longer a member of the profession.

Seeing as your manager doesn’t like conflict, use this to your advantage. Just refuse to pick up the slack. Your manager will soon grow a backbone or work will back up.

I know everyone is telling you to stop covering for her, but it is really hard. I work in the NHS and a member of our team about once year is off ill for three months. She has a legitimate reason no one judges her. However, we don’t get any cover as she is technically still employed in our team, just on long-term sick. so the team is told to do another 15 to 20% Work and suck it up. Manager said they can’t help it. But it does drive me absolutely batty. And it’s completely unfair.

Have you raised it?

Your colleague should only be taking days off if her children are sick. She shouldn’t be leaving early or arriving late to cater for drop-offs or pick-ups unless it’s in her contract. She should have adequate childcare in place to cover this.

As you’re believing this a marriage problem rather than your management problem then I’m assuming she’s your friend who moans about all the childcare landing with her. She’s got you onside, to feel for her, rather than see the problem she is creating for you and others. Manipulated maybe!

this

Yoy won't win here. Look for a new job.

I wouldn't be staying late

Not much of a team player if you only do it for your friends 🤣

I didn’t say I was. I have spent too much of my career being expected to pick up the slack from people taking the piss.

I will help the people I work with who have my back. Fuck everyone else.

But to be fair I do work with four friends so I do my bit 🤣

Good point!

Does she work full or part time? If husband is the highest earner it makes sense to prioritise that income. I can see your frustration but there’s nothing you can do, your employer has to make reasonable adjustments for childcare needs, it’s a protected characteristic and would be discriminatory if it was raised in relation to unfairness with other members of staff as she is unable to change it. Completely on the company to sort cover and employ another member of staff if necessary.

Her absence is between your colleague and her manager and none of your business

However the affect on you - you can raise this with your manager. Do not comment on your colleague nor her childcare nor her personal life - not your business

Reasonable adjustments are very different to swanning in and out as you please leaving everyone else doing your actual job though