to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

[catchingup1]

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

Dont stay late, dont pick up the slack. Email the colleague and cc manager each time that as they had to leave early z,x still needs completing.

Could you clarify what the protected characteristic is in this scenario? Why is the employee entitled to reasonable adjustments? Have they had their flexible working request unreasonably refused? Or are they just nipping off last minute when there is an issue with the children?

@Itsmetheflamingo do you genuinely not understand? Imagine you’re a cook at a school, and each day you and your colleague cook for 100 kids. If your colleague called in sick, would you just make 50 meals, and let the other 50 kids go hungry? Or would you work extra hard and scrape together 100 meals, even if it made you exhausted and you had to stay late cleaning up?

I agree with pps but I would add that our work expects both parents to take time equally (unless there are mitigating circumstances) for emergencies. They follow through on this too - rightly or wrongly.

Depends if that’s the sort of job we’re talking about doesn’t it? Do school chefs gave deadlines? 🤔 strongly suspect they just work in an office

and would you do that occasionally in an emergency or on a regular basis?

I for example, have to leave at a specific time due to caring responsibilities. I’m not working late and failing to meet that responsibility

YANBU.

I used to work with a girl who did the same. She came back on 2 days one week and 3 days the next, after maternity leave. Her husband was self employed so every time her kid was sick (not exaggerating when I say it was every single week), she either wouldn’t come in or go home. After a while work cracked down on it because she was off more than she was in and she was just taking the piss out of the companies sick pay and family leave, but it did take a long time and it was hard work doing it because our HR department are notorious for being over cautious and being on the wrong side (morally).

I don’t really have any suggestions for you, except as a team, you need to collectively speak to your manager about it. If she ignores you (cannot stand managers who have no balls to stand up to piss takers), go to her boss as well. Not sure how big the company is, but I would as a team take it as high as you need to before someone takes you seriously. Strength in numbers is better than you trying to go at it alone!

I disagree. If I knew that there was a difficult home situation, like the husband suddenly being ill for example, I would be a lot more likely to be sympathetic. If he's just refusing to step up, then that's different. We cut people slack all the time for personal reasons.

@Itsmetheflamingo your original post implied that the idea of covering for an absent colleague was an alien concept, that you couldn’t comprehend. I was just giving you an example to illustrate how there are times when we end up with essentially no choice.

I certainly don’t think it’s an alien concept. I think doing it because your colleague has left early is a mugs game

How often are the last minute issues on a friday, or a sunny day?

Oh my goodness, this is exactly my situation! My three are all now adults, she has 2 small kids. She always leaves early, takes all the school holidays as leave so I am working extra hard. It all blew up 2 days ago when she overheard me moaning to a friend. I feel guilty for being a bitch but so frustrated and tired!
we don’t all work somewhere where you can leave on time if the work isn’t done. Sorry no advice but I feel your frustration

It can be viewed as gender discrimination as it may disadvantage working women, and although there are frustrations with irregular start/finish times which could be raised she is entitled to time off when her children are ill which seems to be the main issue regarding cover and extra work. I can only see the information in op’s post so don’t know if flexible working has been refused. And I don’t personally know the people in this situation so wouldn’t know if she’s just ‘nipping off’ and wouldn’t assume ✌️

It’s an issue for the companies management to sort, vitriol online to a lady looking after her children won’t change anything

But the OP is the one struggling here hence the online post.

Don't know where the "vitriol" element comes into anything I've said?

You dont understand her home dynamics so dont try and judge her partner or situation.

My work was a lot more helpful when I needed help with my children and my partners work were awful. So the burden fell on me sadly so we could both keep our jobs. What are you expecting her to do?

Your manager is the one who should be doing something

Yeah, you all have to stop. Covering occasionally is being a team player. Doing it constantly is being a doormat. You are entitled to leave work on time, to prioritise your own responsibilities at work, and to tell your manager that you can’t keep fitting more into your day.

I agree with going to your manager en masse and stating that you are all going to work your hours and no more. In fact I would alow down a bit and let things pile up without shame. Dump the work on her desk and let her come back to it. Childfree and single people get pissed on from a great height in almost every sphere I can think of.

Swanning in and out as you please and leaving everyone else to do your job is not a kind assumption towards someone you don’t know. It implies this lady is treating the situation flippantly and doesn’t care that others are picking up the slack. She could be buckling under the stress and pressure of being in work when her childcare commitments are pulling her away. I worked with someone this happened to, she couldn’t have tried harder and ended up having a serious mental health crisis. Problem lies squarely on the shoulders of the management.

Carry on doing your job at your own pace, don’t stay late, don’t juggle things, your manager will never resolve anything if it’s all getting done, when things are behind or your manager has to face questions from higher up she can explain why she hasn’t dealt with it before now. I learnt a long time ago, work is work and nothing else, do your job, leave on time and forget it when you walk out the door, you won’t get any more thought of for doing it all.

Yes this. Don’t do the extra work. Tell your manager you can’t, leave when you’re supposed to leave. Your manager will have to do something about it then.

Another one supporting this.

That's why women are paid less. The kids are not the problem. The husbands are almost always the problem.
And the worst part is that if no one mentions that, women end up losing jobs. I prefer to work with women who are in same sex relationships. It makes all the difference.

Why would I need to use a to use a kind assumption... if she can't do her job, she needs to make alternative arrangements.

Buckling under the pressure isn't the OPs problem.

You don't know what goes on at home and you don't know what conversations go on between your colleague and her manager. Unless you're working extra hours unpaid there isn't reason to complain. If you are doing extra hours, take it up with your manager but approach it as workload issues without bringing your colleague in to it. It's for management to deal with individual performance and as I said, you don't know what's discussed in private, it's not going to be a full team meeting to discuss one colleagues personal circumstances and performance. A colleagues personal circumstances is never your business, her DH could be abusive, he could have a disability preventing him caring for the children alone, he could have substance misuse issues making it unsafe to leave the children with him or he may just not have any flexibility in his job.