to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

[catchingup1]

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

Wha happens if you refuse to stay late and cite your own need to get home on time? What if you refuse to reshuffle your work or take on extra workload? As long as everybody keeps picking up the slack your manager won’t address it because it’s not actually causing her a problem. You need to stop putting up with it and refuse to stay late or take on more work than you can manage.

My manager only takes notice that I have too big a work load if I put it in an email.

Dear Manager,
I am unable to absorb any extra work this week as I am already working on xyz. I could do ABC if you took over responsibility for x&y. Unfortunately I am not able to stay late this week as I have other commitments.

Please let me know what you want me to prioritise.

Bw

But you don’t have to do her work. Just don’t do it. Let it become a problem for your manager, otherwise they have no reason or incentive to change things do they?

And the manager is hardly likely to have a go at OP or push back if she's conflict avoidant.

Can't you just stop doing her work? And leave when you should rather than stay late?
If everyone in your team agrees to (rightly) stick to the job they're paid to do, the manager will have to address the situation.

If you and your colleagues are taking up the slack then the situation will never be resolved. You all need to refuse to stay late (need to get home for sick dog, poorly parent, builder). Force the management to make other arrangements. So long as you cover you accept the responsibility and inconvenience the situation will continue.

The difference here is that you work fewer hours and are paid accordingly, you don't get paid to do the same hours but work fewer.

It’s incredibly hard when it all falls on one parent and I know too well how it feels to feel you are letting work down and letting your child down and feel like you are doing a crap job overall. Her personal situation is shit but none of your business. There may be other things going on that your manager is aware of but I am glad that as a carer, she is getting support at least from work. I don’t think you should be concerning yourself with it at all unless you are doing extra hours. Work your usual hours and do what your boss asks you to do. The manager may switch work around and that’s up to her. If she wants you to reprioritize to hit deadlines, then that’s upto her. Just do your job and be glad you have a caring manager who is supportive. Thank god also you aren’t in the same situ. If you were, surely you would hope someone was as supportive to you too.

She is supportive to the colleague who is constantly disappearing and we have to pick up the extra work.

Shouldn't the manager be supportive to the rest of the team as well? We all over for each other when things happen sometimes but it is weekly with this colleague.

Thank god also you aren’t in the same situ. If you were, surely you would hope someone was as supportive to you too.

So just put up with it then?

no don’t put up with it? Why have you ignored every single post that says just stop doing the extra work?

Work your usual hours and do what your boss asks you to do. The manager may switch work around and that’s up to her. If she wants you to reprioritize to hit deadlines, then that’s up to her.

But that's the thing - OP's boss IS asking her to do extra hours. And she isn't swapping work around as much as adding extras. And no mention of reprioritising either.

So Op can't both work her usual hours AND do what her boss is asking her to do, as she's being asked to pick up other work as well as her own.

I am going to stop doing the extra work.

This 💯

Yes, stop complaining and just do your hours and the work you are given. Manage upwards. Don’t increase your pace to get yours and her work done, ask what your manager wants you to prioritize. Only do what is possible in the time. Life is full of swings and roundabouts. You never know when you may be in a similar situation for a variety of reasons. We share across my team, sometimes I need support and sometimes others do. We work together as a team to do what we can.

Yes and I would do the same in your shoes.
I would also be looking for another job as your manager isn't prepared to tackle this issue which she fails to see is causing so much resentment in the team. It's not fair to you or your colleagues.

I think the rest of you all have to work together and decline to pick up the extra work. And you all need to raise it (the extra work) with your manager in one to one sessions.

I fully agree that it is a management issue within your workplace, but as an employer of many women it drove me mad that I was always making family friendly adjustments for women whose partners never ever picked up childcare emergencies. And no, they weren't all surgeons / firefighters / away at sea etc.

Start looking for a new job and once you get an offer then bring it up with your boss.

She sounds like one of these idiot women who thinks she's the only woman on the planet who has kids, so of course she expects everyone to run around after her and her brats. She's got the brazen nerve to see how far other workers will run around after her, even if they have children of their own. Cheeky c*w.

Op is she working her hours? As a lone parent I don't have a shit husband to blame things on but equally I still have to do the work of two people at home. My manager is very flexible in that if I needed to go do a pick up I'm able to use flexi time for that, or work across my lunch instead of taking a lunch break or I split my shift and continue working after ds is in bed or after pick up etc. In my case I don't have a team so if I don't do the work it just doesn't get done so I make sure I never let that happen. But my point is could she be working at other times you aren't seeing so she's still doing her contracted hours?

If you are sure she's not working her hours then you need to take it again to your manager in writing and ask for a review of everyone's workloads.

The one thing I would add in to this, is that I do feel that employers do have a duty of care to support employees impacted by situations like domestic abuse and let's be honest, that doesn't sound far off the mark here does it? While no it's not your problem, noone wants to see a vulnerable woman put out of work.

But then that's up to her manager to negotiate her working hours with her. I just think you can't expect people to work like they aren't parents and also parent like they don't work. Something somewhere has to give but your manager needs to identify the solution and in the meantime you need to hold boundaries with how much extra you're taking on. How urgent are the tasks you're doing for her? Are they things that realistically could be an email to her asking her to prioritise them first thing in the morning for example?

Yes just email your manager. “Apols x, I don’t think I’m going to be able to cover y task today due to my existing workload of abc. Maybe colleague can pick this up tomorrow instead”.

Keep pushing back. Make this your managers problem and then she will have to act. At the moment she won’t care- the works gets done, so her job is done. Get some other people on side too. Be consistent. “Unfortunately I already have xyz on my plate and I won’t have time to cover colleagues tasks”. Keep at it.

Yep, find your inner Veronika.

Ive had this problem too at work. I was asked by a Manager to completely alter my start time to fit in with a new colleagues problems with childcare. I didnt see why my own travel to work carefully worked out at a time to avoid busy traffic and get a parking space at work should be curtailed. Its very annoying to be expected to change everything for people who work but have perpetual childcare problems and sickness.

But " team players " aren't just one way. Nothing's been mentioned about this woman covering for others regularly

Crikey this is the 21st century, we can treat colleagues with compassion and respect. Surely the workload is manageable and she's having to take leave or make time up.

I would add, that maybe you are just not privy to the arrangements that have been put in place by your manager. When my husband became suddenly disabled & my children couldn't be left overnight, I stopped be rotated onto night shifts with the input of my manager. No one else knew, as it was no ones business. Did colleagues moan & bitch about me? Yes they did. Did I nearly have a breakdown trying to deal with it all, yes I did. But thank God for my wonderful manager, who cut me some slack & kept a track of the hours I owed from starting/ finishing late. These were then made up as & when, again without anyone else being privy. Do your job & go home.