to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

[catchingup1]

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

If I was you I'd just start doing the same. If no kids just invent an elderly relative.

The boss doesn't care so why should you? You and all the others who keep covering should do it.

Being a parent is not a protected characteristic in the UK under the Equality Act. Employers have to consider flexible working, and allow a reasonable amount of unpaid time off in the event of a breakdown in their usual childcare. If the amount of time taken by the OPs colleague is excessive and placing undue pressure on the rest of the team, then management would be within their rights to call her in and ask her to get it sorted or make up the hours. Usually discrimination due to childcare issues is dealt with as indirect sex discrimination, but that's clearly not the case here; the colleague and her husband have made a conscious decision about which employer to give the least effort.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

You need to woman up and just not do the extra work.

When she leaves early, ask her when her work will be done. Ask her how she will contribute to meeting the deadline. If she can't meet the deadline, can she warn the client/whoever that she won't be meeting their deadline.

Take ANY emotion out of it. Do it as if you are simply asking for the information so the rest of the team can plan. Keep. notes/emails.

These are reasonable questions to ask of someone leaving early when there is work to be done by the whole team.

Actually the management are responsible for all of this not the individual.

your employer has to make reasonable adjustments for childcare needs, it’s a protected characteristic and would be discriminatory if it was raised in relation to unfairness with other members of staff as she is unable to change it.

Incorrect.

Sex is a protected characteristic. If your colleague could show that se is treated differently because of her sex, then she would have a case.

But this is about @catchingup1 's colleague taking the mick. And the colleague's husband being a dick.

I would really detest having to cover to benefit the career of a colleague's husband.

My understanding of the law, although I’m absolutely not an expert and I am more than happy to be corrected, is that having a formal request for flexible working refused might be indirect discrimination, if it is refused on the basis of a person’s sex. As far as I am aware employees don’t have blanket protection under the Equality Act simply because they are working parents.

I assume that the employee, mentioned in this thread, is probably more likely to be relying on the statutory right for employees to take emergency time off for dependants.

I don’t believe there is a limit to the number of times an employee can rush off to deal with a childcare emergency, although the absence must be unexpected and the employee must not have known about the emergency in advance of it.

The only thing OP can do is not cover and not do extra hours. If the employer will not address the issue then there is little the OP can do, other than stop bailing her employer out. The issue is with the employer to resolve. I do understand the constant uncertainty must be pissing the OP off though. It’s just human nature.

This

Stop doing the extra.

This happened to me. Two colleagues both have self employed husbands who won’t do any childcare (according to the wives) and all the work was being left to me. Mentioned it to my manager who said she’d “keep an eye on it” and didn’t. So I worked to rule and just did my own duties and workload. Nothing has changed with the husbands but it’s now my manager picking up the slack.

Stop covering her workload, stop staying late, force the manager to find a solution. It isn't your problem so stop being the solution.

Tell her that her attendance needs to improve or she’ll be disciplined. There is a right to REASONABLE time off to deal with emergencies involving a dependant, this does not extend to taking the piss by skiving off constantly.

It can arguably be viewed as gender discrimination as it may put working women at a disadvantage. The irregular start / finish times could be raised but it looks like the main problem is time off for the children's illnesses which is a statutory right. The most constructive advice would be to raise it with HR but as per OP’s post this could be problematic. Not covering and letting it fail might force some action, and it’s completely on the company to sort it.

This. Sometimes you need to let someone fail in order to get them to deal with an issue - both your colleague and manager. If that means your colleague has to make changes at home or lose her job, so be it. Childcare issues should not routinely affect work - I say that as someone who was a single mum for years (still am but they are adult now).

I work in a school. Some of our TAs are absent a lot because of sick kids. After a certain number of days it needs to be taken unpaid - the TA salary is often so low that they will miss work rather than their partner because it has less of a financial impact. Our workplace does have a persistent absence policy that is followed if absence becomes excessive. From your perspective, you can only approach your manager about thr impact on your workload if there are things that cannot be done.

This post is incorrect on a number of levels. The obligation to make reasonable adjustments applies only to the protected characteristic of disability.
Having children or childcare issues is not a protected characteristic.
there is a right to reasonable unpaid emergency time off in an emergency to deal with a dependant but this does not extend to a right to take unlimited time off to provide care.

I completely agree, the management’s failure to address this issue has caused resentment towards an employee. Letting it fail and forcing them to act might be the only solution besides finding another job

Give her a set time in which to make alternative arrangements for childcare or agree a formal flexible working arrangement whereby she works fewer hours and work is permanently re allocated. If nothing changes then go down a more formal route as described in your policies.

It can be viewed as gender discrimination as it may put working women at a disadvantage. A request for flexibility does need to be seriously considered. Its such a shame that op’s employer’s inability to manage the situation has caused such resentment towards an employee, that’s where they should be looking

This!

I find it very irritating as a manager when the husband of someone in my team is clearly not doing their share. My team does not exist to pick up the slack for someone else’s team in another workplace. I would never expect people I manage to fill in in this way.

Worst is when the husband is self employed - so they as a household have decided to take money from the wife’s employer for their own gain.

And the end result of that is that companies will find ways to not employ women of childbearing age. It’s not legal, it’s not fair, but it will happen.

Yep sadly some already do, it would be very difficult to prove that’s why someone isn’t being hired

90% of your post focuses on the colleague and not the manager.

You need to start saying no sorry, I can’t do their work as well as my own. It’s a joke if her DH isn’t doing anything. I had a boss once when mine were babies who did ask if their dad was doing his share, and he generally did, and he was right to ask that. Kids being sick is one thing, but anything else she should reduce her hours if she can’t get to pick up in time.

This. I hit YABU because of this. It’s not about her personal obligations, it’s about your workplace

Management are absolutely at fault. They are failing their other staff... but unless the OP or others put a stop to doing the extra work etc

But at the same time, there's no need to fussy foot around the fact that the colleague is taking the piss. We've all been there with difficult childcare issues. A sick child or an emergency is one thing (and I would think and hope most people would be happy to help in this situation) but constantly being laye or leaving early for lack of childcare is a pisstake.

Two parties can be wrong on this scenario.

Yanbu

My work has a team member who can never cone in earky or work offsite if required (both often required) as she cannot leave her partner to do any part of

1. Waking their child up
2. Getting them dressed
3. Gigibg them breakfast
4. Picking tgem up.
5. Giving them their supper
6. Putting them to bed

He simply woukdnt know how

She is open about this.

It blows my mind