to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

[catchingup1]

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

But it's difficult to get a temp in if someone often but randomly gets called at lunchtime or soon after to go and pick up a child from school.

I used to share an office with someone like that so it was always me who was expected to stand in. On one occasion she was typing up a contract proposal which had to be emailed by the end of the day. She got called to pick up one of her kids and it was expected that I would stay late to get it done. I said no because unusually I was meeting friends straight from work to go to the theatre. Proposal didn't get finished, the company didn't get the much needed contract but it was somehow all made out to be my fault because I wouldn't stay late and miss my night out.

Stop staying late and working over and above to cover. Just say you arent doing ut any longer as it's affecting your mental health.

That's the plan. Myself and the team are going to speak to the manager and say we can no longer cover for colleague.

That's the best thing to do. Every time you are asked to stay late, just say you can't.
Anytime you're given work that isn't yours, just say it.
If colleague has to leave early, can’t she work from home or something?
It's just not fair, you are basically working for free.

The work is events based so need to be present physically.

So she's basically not fulfilling her work duties, with no compromise on her part.
If she has to deal with childcare, she needs a new job.
She's clearly in a terrible situation, but that is not your problem.

I would state that the workload is currently too high and there aren't enough people to cover X o clock to y o clock. The impact of the business is z and you're concerned you're letting clients down. While you are happy to occasionally do more to cover unexpected gaps, this has become a regular thing (list of occasions) and they need to look at reallocating resource or prioritising work differently. You keep being expected to work late and you can't continue to do so due to personal commitments. More cover is needed for those times.
You don't need to say you're covering for your colleague. That makes you sound like you have a problem with her personally. Your problem is the extra work they're expecting you to do.

That is a much better way of phrasing it than I had planned, thank you ❤

Good suggestion from @hallomynameisinigomontoya . I would also start using something like 'I have a commitment tonight so won't be able to stay later than <standard time>' when this issue arises. If you and the others there all find you are too busy to stay late, finish off outstanding work etc, manager will have to look for another solution.

It doesn't mean her colleagues should be doing her work though. That's the issue.

While you are happy to occasionally do more to cover unexpected gaps, this has become a regular thing (list of occasions) and they need to look at reallocating resource or prioritising work differently.

Yes, this brings up an important thing to do. Keep a log of all the occasions where you or your other colleagues have been asked to cover including how long for. Maybe also note how many times the parent has made up the time or covered for others (i.e. never).

I wouldn't log anything about the colleague making up hours. It's not the op's business and comes across as petty.

The key is to present it as a problem in the operation of the business that you have recognised and want to resolve, not whining about someone n the team not doing something (which no doubt the manager already knows about if it's an issue).keep it professional and proactive.

UPDATE

We took @hallomynameisinigomontoya advice and had a meeting with the manager this morning. She actually took it seriously and said to leave it with her. We didn't make it about the colleague but focused more on cover and working late which is becoming more frequent.

Really hope things improve!

The manager has called the colleague into a meeting so it might be addressed now.

The manager is actually doing some managing!

I'm pleased to hear that OP.
Hopefully this will be resolved soon to suit everyone involved.

Colleague has been crying this afternoon wondering how she is going to cope with the school runs and when the kids are ill. Clearly the manager had a word with her.

We all sympathised but did not offer to cover for her.

About time something was done!

Well done OP. I am so glad you absorbed the advice you were given, it must have felt quite overwhelming.

You have acted in a mature professional manner and hopefully your manager will step up now.

Thank you for the support everyone!

You can all get done for bullying

Not if they do as OP and the rest of the team have done - "We didn't make it about the colleague but focused more on cover and working late which is becoming more frequent."

What happens if you refuse to pick up her slack?

Edit: Ignore me. I see I am VERY late to the party!

I have read all your updates - this is excellent work!!

How? On what basis?