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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you find hot in a man? What do you think men like on a woman? Lighthearted Friday chat 🤷‍♀️

243 replies

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:08

In a man:
Muscles
Height (sorry)
Aura - are they strong or weak?

I think straight men notice:
Skin (does it have that dewy look)
Shape
How much you care for yourself (manicure, hair, etc)

OP posts:
ohyesido · 10/04/2026 15:18

I don’t get my nails done it’s too much work and maintenance plus I prefer my natural long nails as they’re not gaudy.

I like rugged good looks nice teeth and hung like a donkey

IsItBeesThoughLooshkin · 10/04/2026 15:20

Oh and I like competence. I think that’s why women like men in uniforms. It signals that he knows what he’s doing.

1983Louise · 10/04/2026 15:21

L0V315 · 10/04/2026 12:18

Swords
Bare thighs
A bit of armour
A decent size cock

Oh yes 🙏

HelenaWaiting · 10/04/2026 15:26

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/04/2026 13:39

Most well endowed men I’ve known as friends or lovers have been complete and utter arseholes, perhaps I’ve just been unlucky. Current boyfriend just over normal size maybe 7” but chemistry and likability is off the scale and he definitely knows how to use his tackle and pleasure me. Asks for me to tell him what I want.

7 inches is well-endowed. The average is 5. I should add that I have no dog in this fight as I am in a same sex relationship. The last man I had a date with was treated to me describing at great length how one of my sons and I had restored an old classic Chopper bike. He went to the loo and never came back 🫤

Echobelly · 10/04/2026 15:29

These are two very different questions as obviously we all know what we like but what most blokes like in women is a very different matter.

What I find hot:
Wide range of interests, curiosity about the world
Socially fluent (cos I'm not!)
Silly sense of humour and can laugh at himself
Physically - do have a thing about guys with dark hair and green or blue eyes
Long eyelashes
Not afraid to dress a bit differently, especially when his look really suits him

What I think men like

  • Body wise it varies,, but if he's taken you home/ you've gone home with him, he'll probably be very happy with you with your kit off regardless of your imperfections!
  • Long hair (I had very short hair as a young woman and it's a very good way of avoiding interest from your average bloke)
  • personality wise, I don't think there's an average at all
YerMotherWasAHamster · 10/04/2026 15:32

IsItBeesThoughLooshkin · 10/04/2026 15:20

Oh and I like competence. I think that’s why women like men in uniforms. It signals that he knows what he’s doing.

Oh yes, being competent is very attractive.

In work and around the home.
When speaking to people, sorting stuff out.
Knowing what needs to be done and just doing it and not acting like you deserve a medal is really attractive.

DuckyDolittle · 10/04/2026 15:34

I think men find different things attractive, the main two groups seem to be sexy or cute. My best friend has always been sexy, long hair, long legs, big boobs, come to bes eyes. I've always been cute, round eyes, short, silly. We've both done ok for ourselves when it comes to attention!

Itsallsostressful · 10/04/2026 15:35

Springsucks · 10/04/2026 12:12

Intelligent
Well spoken
Dark hair
Strong forearms
Hairy chest
Above all a sense of humour!

Oh I love a good forearm !

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 15:36

DuckyDolittle · 10/04/2026 15:34

I think men find different things attractive, the main two groups seem to be sexy or cute. My best friend has always been sexy, long hair, long legs, big boobs, come to bes eyes. I've always been cute, round eyes, short, silly. We've both done ok for ourselves when it comes to attention!

Is that what you actually think men think?

I mean, do you find 'silliness' in men devastatingly attractive?

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 15:41

DuckyDolittle · 10/04/2026 15:34

I think men find different things attractive, the main two groups seem to be sexy or cute. My best friend has always been sexy, long hair, long legs, big boobs, come to bes eyes. I've always been cute, round eyes, short, silly. We've both done ok for ourselves when it comes to attention!

So men have no room for intelligence, humour, honesty, kindness, shared values etc when it comes to what they find attractive in a woman?

Heyhelga · 10/04/2026 15:42

Netcurtainnelly · 10/04/2026 15:03

as you can't see their cock straightaway do you dump them if it's not a 'decent Size'?

Anything below five inches would be a disappointment but as long as they know what to do with it and they are funny and loyal then I'm happy.

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:44

I find men who do domestic work without being asked very sexy.

I recall being on a volunteer event with work. We had eaten and one of the women collected the cups and piled them by the sink ready to clean later. One of my male colleagues saw and simply went over to the sink and started washing them. He wasn't asked, just did it. He was SO sexy to me in that moment!

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:45

Sartre · 10/04/2026 12:13

I really don’t think many men notice manicures at all…

I have found lots of men hate intelligence. They don’t want a smart woman who can call them out, stand on her own two feet, defend herself, squash them in an argument. This is not all men by any means, academic men tend to prefer the company of academic women. But yes, I think a lot of men prefer a less intelligent woman or at least one who acts the part…

There are studies on this. Most men say they prefer intelligence in a woman...but apparently they don't!

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 15:53

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 15:41

So men have no room for intelligence, humour, honesty, kindness, shared values etc when it comes to what they find attractive in a woman?

Apparently not, in this poster's head. They either go for Sexy Boobs and Hair or Short, Round-Eyed and Silly.

If this were in fact the case, the human race would long since have ceased to exist.

NavyNorris · 10/04/2026 15:54

Things I find attractive in men:

Height (sorry, I know, I know- saying this, if a guy ticked all the other boxes this wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, so long as he's taller than my 5'3)

Kind.
Good sense of humour (dry, not childish).
No preference on hair colour, skin colour or eye colour.
Capable- able to take the lead, organise things. I don't want another child basically.
I don't mind sports but I wouldn't want to be with someone who's life is ruled by it (playing multiple times a week and out every weekend doing it watching it).

What do I think men find attractive in women?
Who knows?! 😂

I guess...
Nice hair?
Good figure (curvy, not too skinny or too large?- everyone's different though it's hard to guess!)
Nice smile
Nice eyes
Laughs at their jokes?!
Confidence
Dresses nicely
Intelligent?! (I hope men look for this anyway!)

CraftySeal · 10/04/2026 15:54

I think being honest there's a base level of physical attractiveness required, but for me beyond that it's much more about personality. I am not really attracted to men who are less intelligent than me, for example, or "loud" men, or laddish types. Having a quiet, intelligent confidence is really attractive.

In terms of what men are attracted to in women, I think that research has shown that many men say women without makeup are more attractive. But then when tested it turns out what they actually prefer when shown photos is women who are wearing natural make up to enhance their features but it doesn't look like obvious makeup, above women wearing either no make up at all, or with heavy make-up.

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 15:55

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 14:05

But then if they're marrying the former - are they sexually attracted to them?

The latter are still getting married

Of course, what an odd question, you think men aren’t attracted to naturally attractive women? If anything they are more attracted to women naturally attractive unless they are a porn obsessed teen.

i think the issue here is men are being treated here as one single brained species who all like the same thing, that’s not true. Men like all different things, obviously, as women are all different. And that changes with background, age, education level etc,

and there is a difference between immediate physical attraction and finding someone attractive. Physical will always play a part but getting to know someone their personality can make them more attractive or less.

and that’s why I think the poster saying men don’t like intelligent women is very wrong, my friendship circle and colleagues are all arguably very intelligent successful women, they have no trouble attracting a mate. And none of the men they are with would do anything more than consider a one night stand with a woman who came across as a bit thick or not very intelligent, they’d roll their eyes and move on.

there is only one man in our group who dated a woman who was not very intelligent and it didn’t last, he looked embarrassed when she opened her mouth sometimes and said something really stupid , some of the things she said was thick as, and I could see him cringe, as did everyone else, he ended it and it didn’t last long.

What got them together was physical attraction, what split them was her lack of intelligence, and I’d say if any of the women dated a man with similar issues, he’d not last long either.

there is a certain type of man who wants a thick woman, but that’s not the type of man any woman should wish to be with,

NavyNorris · 10/04/2026 15:57

CraftySeal · 10/04/2026 15:54

I think being honest there's a base level of physical attractiveness required, but for me beyond that it's much more about personality. I am not really attracted to men who are less intelligent than me, for example, or "loud" men, or laddish types. Having a quiet, intelligent confidence is really attractive.

In terms of what men are attracted to in women, I think that research has shown that many men say women without makeup are more attractive. But then when tested it turns out what they actually prefer when shown photos is women who are wearing natural make up to enhance their features but it doesn't look like obvious makeup, above women wearing either no make up at all, or with heavy make-up.

Edited

Oh yes, I agree with this. Not into laddish types. I don't like loud people.

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 16:01

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 15:55

Of course, what an odd question, you think men aren’t attracted to naturally attractive women? If anything they are more attracted to women naturally attractive unless they are a porn obsessed teen.

i think the issue here is men are being treated here as one single brained species who all like the same thing, that’s not true. Men like all different things, obviously, as women are all different. And that changes with background, age, education level etc,

and there is a difference between immediate physical attraction and finding someone attractive. Physical will always play a part but getting to know someone their personality can make them more attractive or less.

and that’s why I think the poster saying men don’t like intelligent women is very wrong, my friendship circle and colleagues are all arguably very intelligent successful women, they have no trouble attracting a mate. And none of the men they are with would do anything more than consider a one night stand with a woman who came across as a bit thick or not very intelligent, they’d roll their eyes and move on.

there is only one man in our group who dated a woman who was not very intelligent and it didn’t last, he looked embarrassed when she opened her mouth sometimes and said something really stupid , some of the things she said was thick as, and I could see him cringe, as did everyone else, he ended it and it didn’t last long.

What got them together was physical attraction, what split them was her lack of intelligence, and I’d say if any of the women dated a man with similar issues, he’d not last long either.

there is a certain type of man who wants a thick woman, but that’s not the type of man any woman should wish to be with,

It is bit of a lazy trope on here that men are scared of intelligent women as they cant control or win an argument against them which is a depressingly reductive view to have of half the population.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:01

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 15:41

So men have no room for intelligence, humour, honesty, kindness, shared values etc when it comes to what they find attractive in a woman?

I think physical attractiveness gets further than any of those with men tbh. When I think of women I know the hot crazy annoying women always seem to have a far easier time dating that the lovely women I know who are unfortunate looking.

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 16:07

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:01

I think physical attractiveness gets further than any of those with men tbh. When I think of women I know the hot crazy annoying women always seem to have a far easier time dating that the lovely women I know who are unfortunate looking.

I think physical attractiveness is an asset insofar as getting noticed across a crowded room so to speak but if you are very pretty/handsome but have a very ugly personality you get found out very soon. Some shallow men might put up with that in the short term in order to sleep with said attractive person but if they are unpleasant/thick etc you can only feign interest for so long.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:09

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 15:55

Of course, what an odd question, you think men aren’t attracted to naturally attractive women? If anything they are more attracted to women naturally attractive unless they are a porn obsessed teen.

i think the issue here is men are being treated here as one single brained species who all like the same thing, that’s not true. Men like all different things, obviously, as women are all different. And that changes with background, age, education level etc,

and there is a difference between immediate physical attraction and finding someone attractive. Physical will always play a part but getting to know someone their personality can make them more attractive or less.

and that’s why I think the poster saying men don’t like intelligent women is very wrong, my friendship circle and colleagues are all arguably very intelligent successful women, they have no trouble attracting a mate. And none of the men they are with would do anything more than consider a one night stand with a woman who came across as a bit thick or not very intelligent, they’d roll their eyes and move on.

there is only one man in our group who dated a woman who was not very intelligent and it didn’t last, he looked embarrassed when she opened her mouth sometimes and said something really stupid , some of the things she said was thick as, and I could see him cringe, as did everyone else, he ended it and it didn’t last long.

What got them together was physical attraction, what split them was her lack of intelligence, and I’d say if any of the women dated a man with similar issues, he’d not last long either.

there is a certain type of man who wants a thick woman, but that’s not the type of man any woman should wish to be with,

I mean it's not really a trope when studies show that:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/navigating-the-love-gap/201802/do-men-really-not-want-to-date-intelligent-women

https://www.acsh.org/news/2015/10/30/are-men-threatened-by-intelligent-women

Men definitely state a preference for intelligent women theoretically. But it appears in practice, they don't?

Do Men Really Not Want to Date Intelligent Women?

Studies ask how far men and women have progressed.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/navigating-the-love-gap/201802/do-men-really-not-want-to-date-intelligent-women

Wheelbarrowracer · 10/04/2026 16:10

Surely it depends on personal taste.

Long time since I met dh, but he was attracted to:
My legs (even though my boobs were immense back then)
My taste in music
My glasses
How easy i was to pull

Wouldn't have noticed my nails. Still doesn't.

I've always had a thing about dark hair. Dark, curly hair if we're going to be specific.
Taller than me (surprisingly difficult at 5'10)
Carrot shaped

It's not conscious, but it's pretty much every man i ever ended up with.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:10

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 16:07

I think physical attractiveness is an asset insofar as getting noticed across a crowded room so to speak but if you are very pretty/handsome but have a very ugly personality you get found out very soon. Some shallow men might put up with that in the short term in order to sleep with said attractive person but if they are unpleasant/thick etc you can only feign interest for so long.

Yeah that's really not my experience! Being a hot awful woman still seems to keep female acquaintances I know in partnerships more than being a lovely ugly woman.

Especially with young men.

DuckyDolittle · 10/04/2026 16:17

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 15:36

Is that what you actually think men think?

I mean, do you find 'silliness' in men devastatingly attractive?

I can't speak for men, all I know is I'm not sexy, but I have a good sense of humour and am a laugh, and have been told I look cute, and I've done ok for myself. A lot of people are describing sexy women as being attractive, big boobs, small waist, bum. But I'm saying thay's not always the case.

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