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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you find hot in a man? What do you think men like on a woman? Lighthearted Friday chat 🤷‍♀️

243 replies

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:08

In a man:
Muscles
Height (sorry)
Aura - are they strong or weak?

I think straight men notice:
Skin (does it have that dewy look)
Shape
How much you care for yourself (manicure, hair, etc)

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 10/04/2026 12:27

What I find hot in a man:
Someone who can make me laugh
Someone who is considerate
Nice eyes that show passion/sparkle
Broader build (I'm not talking gladiators or body builders) but strong shoulders
Someone I can have a decent conversation with

What do I think men find hot (or at least the ones I know including my husband)
Easy going attitude
Being confident and outgoing
Fun to be around/have a laugh with
Nice eyes
Sporty

The intelligence of women - I've had it both ways generally those who went to uni found my intelligence attractive.
Those that didn't it seemed to make them insecure.

Work9to5 · 10/04/2026 12:27

For me intelligence and humour first. Good skin and teeth, and blue eyes.

For men: god knows as I don't and never did. Depends on the man.

OldHattie · 10/04/2026 12:28

At the risk of sounding like Napoleon Dynamite "good skills", there is something weirdly hot to me about men who have a specific talent. Especially musicians and mathematicians (weirdly)

Teachacking · 10/04/2026 12:30

I am nobody's type 😭

I'm scruffy (I do try to look nice though!), short, a bit chubby and I get excited over cloud formations and planes 😂

Badballerina · 10/04/2026 12:33

In men (for me)
Smart
Kind
Funny
Competent
Reliable
Truthful
Fair
Slim
Great cheekbones
Nice smile
(my second DH in other words my first DH ticked none of these)

I think men like women who are

Smart ( not maybe overly intellectual tho)
Good looking - longish swishy hair , nice skin and teeth
Slim
Fun/ funny
Capable
Independent
( oh that's sorta me except I'm slim ish rather than slim)

LittleJustice · 10/04/2026 12:35

I like tall men, and not overweight.

Then it's all about intelligence, humour, kindness and being interested in the stuff I am. So cinema, theatre, gigs, travel.

I think the men I go for look for similar in a woman.

I want a male best mate to snog, hold hands with and have great sex with.

AmberSpy · 10/04/2026 12:44

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:20

Really?

Maybe straight men like them clean and neat though?

Clean and neat definitely, but you hardly need a manicure to keep your nails trimmed and clean!

SusanChurchouse · 10/04/2026 12:44

The most attractive feature in a man for me is competence. Being capable. I like people who are good at something. Physically I tend to prefer ‘boyish’ clean looks rather than rugged or muscular men. I find hyper masculinity really off putting.

PotatoPrometheus · 10/04/2026 12:49

Someone academic that I can have interesting, thoughtful and informative conversation with...but crucially, is also capable of being very silly and not taking life too seriously. Not too fussed about aesthetics, but I've never really gone for 'manly' men.

As for what (straight) men look for in a woman...probably someone who breathes and says yes (though some don't even seem to have that as a baseline standard).

Luckily I found someone who was looking for an intelligent, sensitive woman, with a great sense of humour and looks like captain caveman (I have a lot of hair).

Underthinker · 10/04/2026 12:52

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:20

Really?

Maybe straight men like them clean and neat though?

I don't think we care tbh.

SwatTheTwit · 10/04/2026 12:54

In men:
A funny man wins me
Tall (it didn’t use to be something I paid any mind to but after a 6’4 I understand it now)
Slim/fit but not the gym bro bulky type
Practical
Kind
Can hold a conversation even if we have opposing views without getting all huffy & puffy
Nice smell
Competent and self sufficient at home

According to my partner, what catches his eye:
Butt
Hair
Nice smell
Hard working
Practical
Funny
Reliable/responsible
Glasses (for some reason)

DreamingOfGeneHunt · 10/04/2026 12:55

Men: I don't have a type really but I like solidly built and kind. I have to find them physically attractive. I don't find skinny men attractive.

Women: my type is dark haired, pretty eyes, curvy. Most of the women I've liked are very tall.

Springsucks · 10/04/2026 12:57

Whosthetabbynow · 10/04/2026 12:24

What about the man? 🤭

Ha 😂

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:59

Underthinker · 10/04/2026 12:52

I don't think we care tbh.

Oh okay

Care to share what you do like, as a presumably straight man? 👀

OP posts:
FoolOfShips · 10/04/2026 13:00

Physically, I like a man with long hair, body tending towards the thin side, with high cheekbones. I like nice hands and wrists. Not much body hair. Style wise, looking a bit metal or 1970s rock star, tight jeans and so on, or hippy/goth look. Non-physically, I like an aura of competence, someone who can cope calmly with whatever life brings and, of course, a compatible life outlook and a good degree of overlap in our tastes and interests.

In real life, I think I have only once been involved with a man on the basis or main basis of his appearance, and it didn't go well. In reality I choose on the basis of character and find what I can to like about looks.

Really hard to say what men like in women. I'm attracted to women and I tend to go for women who are what I'd say is an idealised version of myself, or the face and body I would choose if I'd had a choice in the matter; and personality-wise, exactly the same criteria as for a man.

Men in my experience tend either to be very conventional in what they like - slim, pretty, nice boobs and legs etc. or they have a very particular, niche aesthetic such as men who are attracted to very overweight women. While some men will confidently expect super-attractive women to fall at their feet (much more so than women expect super-attractive men to notice them) others will learn to love less conventionally attractive women and focus on their best features.

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 13:01

SusanChurchouse · 10/04/2026 12:44

The most attractive feature in a man for me is competence. Being capable. I like people who are good at something. Physically I tend to prefer ‘boyish’ clean looks rather than rugged or muscular men. I find hyper masculinity really off putting.

Agree with the former - although id trade your boyish for more rugged and slightly hairy

OP posts:
imgonna · 10/04/2026 13:01

Physical: I like a ‘man mountain’. 😁

Non-physical: Kindness and generosity. And oh if he’s practical and able to ‘do stuff’, bonus points.

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 13:02

Teachacking · 10/04/2026 12:30

I am nobody's type 😭

I'm scruffy (I do try to look nice though!), short, a bit chubby and I get excited over cloud formations and planes 😂

We're all somebody's type 😉

OP posts:
Evaka · 10/04/2026 13:02

My partner is nuts in many ways but is also:

  • tall
  • incredibly clever
  • hairy
  • well endowed
  • kind
  • a lovely singer
  • sexy
  • in possession of sparking blue green eyes and curly dark hair.

He's ruined other men for me.

Devilsmommy · 10/04/2026 13:02

Sartre · 10/04/2026 12:13

I really don’t think many men notice manicures at all…

I have found lots of men hate intelligence. They don’t want a smart woman who can call them out, stand on her own two feet, defend herself, squash them in an argument. This is not all men by any means, academic men tend to prefer the company of academic women. But yes, I think a lot of men prefer a less intelligent woman or at least one who acts the part…

My husband is a builder and not academic at all. He absolutely loves that I'm more intelligent than him. Apparently that was one of the reasons he was attracted to me. I think it's a certain type of man who is basically scared of an intelligent woman. My ex was like this. The fact that I was way smarter than him pissed him off no end. One of the reasons he frequently beat the shit out of me I'm sure

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 13:02

imgonna · 10/04/2026 13:01

Physical: I like a ‘man mountain’. 😁

Non-physical: Kindness and generosity. And oh if he’s practical and able to ‘do stuff’, bonus points.

Crime Kino GIF by Sony Pictures Germany

A man mountain 😄 - hard agree

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 10/04/2026 13:03

H&I value loving sarcasm

cupfinalchaos · 10/04/2026 13:04

It used to be all about looks fo me, height etc.. but now (I’m old now) it’s all about intelligence and the mind.

RaininSummer · 10/04/2026 13:04

In a man... Strong , dependable and with a good sense of humour in line with mine
Valued by a man... Nice smile, independent, trustworthy

Devilsmommy · 10/04/2026 13:06

Thechaseison71 · 10/04/2026 12:12

I like a man who is " practical" Find someone doing physical work such as carpentry, city etc much sexier than a suited bod at a computer

As for physical attributes no beard and not skinny Oh and hairy chest

Edited

Are you me? I married a clean shaven, bald but very hairy bodied builder. Seeing him all filthy in orange hi Vis still makes me weak at the knees🤭 oh and he's definitely not skinny either