Ditzy women

[Wellwhatnowbellaboo]

... Drive me bloody bonkers. Just that really . I'm probably going to be flamed but seriously - I notice them more and more and maybe its my mindset ( driving, parking, meandering taking ages to decide in front of a supermarket fridge, forgetting appointments we've made, at work not knowing whst meetings are about etc.)

Anyone share my frustration!

The last two books I read had a ditzy "hot mess" as lead character, I did not find either at all likeable or endearing but wonder if this is a thing that we are supposed to identify with, they were both supposedly in their late 20s/early 30s I think.(Vivian Dies Again and All the Other Mothers Hate Me)

You might find me a bit ‘ditzy.’ But I wasn’t always this way.

I’ve found that chronic pain and the side effects of the medication I take for it have affected me cognitively. So I can’t help being a bit scatty or slower than you’d like. I’m not going to apologise for it.

I’ve been called ditzy or variants of a lot, I’ve had people call me a thick bitch for taking too long for their personal liking in a supermarket, I stumble and trip, I drop things and believe me, I wish I wasn’t like this, it’s caused me to have severe anxiety around being in public, especially when someone may want to be in the space I’m in.

I try my best, I really really do but I have multiple conditions working against me, I have dyspraxia, I have dyslexia, I have dyscalculia, I have rheumatoid arthritis, I have a severe lung disease, I have severe anaemia. Strangers don’t know this about me when they see me taking longer than they personally do. They just see “ditzy” or “thick” and some people think it’s ok to nudge me with their trolley or put their hands on me to tell me ten seconds is long enough to reach what I need, or call me names. I’ve also had the shitty “how do you get dressed before leaving the house” and it’s not the gotcha they think it is either, the answer is, I struggle with that too. Then there’s people who know me well who think I’m putting on an act because “you seem smart”.

I try not to give in to anxiety and just stay home all the time, it’s not easy though when you know you’re annoying people behind you when you’re not fast enough for them.

Jeeeeez. This is the thing you chose to type a post on Mumsnet about? Let people be ditzy. There are so many worse things to be. Bloody hell.

But mainly men. They I have noticed in recent weeks tend to just wander across bike paths even though it's clearly a bike path, not taking a blind bit of notice

Was it you tailgating me in a 20mph zone earlier this afternoon? If so, the hand gestures did nothing to help your cause. 😂

Any woman who says “Eee, what am I like?” does my head in. And I have met a few of them. It’s often said in front of men with a girly flirty look after describing something they think is cute. Like having the tumble drier catch fire in one instance “because I didn’t know I had to clean the filter (because I’m a girly girl who doesn’t know about these things and needs looking after by a big strong man)”. Said with a coquettish giggle. Have some self respect woman!! Grim.
Anyone who dithers unnecessarily. My FIL was a specialist ditherer about everything. This is a minor example…….
“Biscuit or cake?”
“Oh, either.”
”I’m serving both, so whatever you prefer”
“Oh I don’t mind.”
At this point I persist until a decision is forced.
Aaaarrrggghhhh!

There’s nothing wrong with the behaviour being described anyway.

When you go somewhere new, you queue up to visit trendy places, don’t you? You engage with mainstream culture, places of interest etc. The behaviour you describe is no different.

If someone is in your way at the supermarket just say: excuse me. They’ll move.

If someone is shit at work, you ultimately need to let their management handle it. And their manager might not have the same opinion as you on whether your colleague has performance issues.

I hate this narrative- it drives me mad...

Some of us have ADHD Susan

But aren't men the same when they only watch football and don't know anything about anything else?

I do think some women are ditsy and make a virtue of it. Even my incredibly capable mother acted ditsy for a while (not menopause related).

But it's true to say that men weaponise incompetence (though I also think they just aren't as fussy about tidy houses and making sure the kids wear matching socks and some women should just chill a bit).

I'll get flamed too (and I'm definitely a woman) but I do find that it's almost always women in supermarkets blocking the aisle or shelves, or letting their kids run bloody riot whilst yacking mindlessly on their phones. It's as if they've been sucked into a different dimension where the rules of time, space, manners, dignity and other human beings don't exist. And no, they aren't all taking urgent calls about their grandmother's sudden demise or that Trump has nuked Iran.

Agree with this! I remember a journalist tweeting "Eeek I've got my first commission with [well known newspaper]" and I thought no man would ever say eeek in that context. Huw Edwards of all people replied with a nasty tweet but he had a point.

You would likely class me as ditzy. I have inattentive adhd so spend my life meandering. But the inattentiveness comes from my brain being very busy thinking of a million things at once. As a child my iq was tested up as top 2% of my age group and I was put into a special programme in my home country to a shorter high school programme and enter uni at 15.

I know I come across as ditzy - I have poor exec functions so can get confused with dates and times. I also like to be supercareful when parking to ensure I don't get distracted and miss something. I'm terrible at making decisions as my brain flicks through all possibilities. I'm great at solving puzzles or problems though for the same reason.

I do sometimes think people who don't know me well must think I am ditzy. Thankfully, it doesn't get to me because I know my IQ is likely higher then their's. But I do feel for the inattentive adhd kids coming through UK system - they are likely smarter than what the world gives them credit for.

meandering taking ages to decide in front of a supermarket fridge

My mum used to drive me crazy with this, blocking a fridge while other people are trying to get what they need! She'd also spend ages after paying at a checkout, putting her change in her purse, then put her purse in her bag, then put her bag on her shoulder before she would move an inch.. completely oblivious to the big queue of people behind waiting for her to move.. I stopped going shopping with her in the end!

I think some people just have no real consideration for other people's time, other people's access (standing/parking/driving/blocking junctions etc), not maliciously I don't think, they just have zero awareness of how they and what they are doing impact others, self centered basically.

As a considerate person, I hate it! Men are just as bad but usually in different ways.. they stand in the middle of the shops, obviously waiting for their wives/girlfriends, but not actually shopping themselves.. SO MOVE TO THE FUCKING SIDE!!

If by ditsy you mean sort of oblivious/hapless/ not engaging brain then there are just as many like this as there are women. It's just that men tend not to be called ditsy (maybe dappy?)

I'm WFH today and went for a bike ride along the Thames path at lunchtime. Shared path (pedestrian/cyclists/ scooters/dogs/folk lugging canoes!) But the amount of oblivious people astounds me, I'm sure it's been worse since the covid lockdowns.

People walking slowly, four abreast taking up/blocking the whole path. Or worse still just stopping and having a conversation in a big group ON the path, rather than standing on the grass to one side. Lone walkers yammering on phone while meandering in zig zags. People with no control over their dogs. I slow right down and call out excuse me politely or ring my bell and they look astonished and affronted. Meanwhile the ducks and geese are much more observant and waddle out of the way in plenty of time!

This just sounds like sexism.

Oh I can definitely see the OP to be the type to not wear makeup, drink pints and be “one of the lads”.

In my office it's the men that are late ....and then said meeting runs over. Talk about chasing their tails.🙄

I’m incompetent but I don’t giggle. Is that ok?

I genuinely don't know anyone like this. I've never known a woman who pretends not to know how a washing machine works or stands in the aisle in Asda sweating over which brand of washing powder is normally bought because the list doesn't specify. I do know women who are busy and forget things and women who are making decisions all day long and end up with decision fatigue.

I do agree with pp about vacuous people though. Or more honestly vacuous conversations - are there actually people who aren't any deeper than that? I always think some people surely must have hidden depths.

In my experience ditsy women rely on their DH to do everything to do with finances.
Typical convo:
"My Derek used to do the banking and pay the bills".
"Where's Derek now?"
"He died. I've never had to do this"

Vaguely related to this is my learning (yesterday. thanks to "Unspeakable" on R4) that "adulting" was a term first used in 1909. And it meant the same then.

Which suggests plus ca change ....

I'm a ditsy woman! Actually very high achieving, straight A student, hold a senior 6-figure earning job. I've always just been pretty lost in thought most of the time and don't pay attention to my surroundings... My Dad is actually very similar, so it's definitely not a women only trait

Interestingly, the men who struggle to make the tiny decisions tend to be in big jobs. Their wives would often also excel in those jobs but on account of one of the pair needing to do the humdrum tasks, they end up losing their minds trying to pack for a family of 6 for holidays, buy the right amount of vegetables for nightly dinners and park a too-big car in a too-small space in order to embark on duller than ditchwater tasks.
Guess who gets the praise and guess who gets the criticism? That's right!
Extra points if you can guess if this poster is in that exact partnership 😐😵‍💫🫠😉