AIBU to feel guilty about cheap school holiday days out?

[Tuxedocatlover]

I only have £80 to last until Tuesday and obviously it is the holidays and feel so guilty that we can’t go on extravagant trips like most people seem
to be doing. The kids went camping with their dad at the weekend, we spent the day at the park with friends yesterday and obviously ice creams and things add up.

Hi Op, are you saying that you have budgeted £80 for the holidays, or that you have £80 left in your bank account? Because if it's the latter you absolutely should not be touching a penny of it. That money needs to go straight into a savings account, there is no money for activities. This constant spending frenzy on kids on social media and elsewhere is total bollix. Children need rest in the holidays. And parents don't need to be getting into debt to finance a lifestyle that they cannot comfortably afford.

How old are your children? If they are young you really don’t need to spend much, harder if older but can be done. Take advantage of the weather and go somewhere outdoors with snacks brought with you.

We did a city day last week, spent money on the bus in the city, cheap lunch, free museum and some sightseeing.

I sometimes give my children a budget as to how I was going to spend some money on them and let them choose. Last week I said I was going to treat them to a McDonald’s and they decided together to take the money i would have spent and go to primark with it instead.

I think too many people these days spend a fortune and think they’ve done something great with their chicken, it’s like a tick box exercise.

I’ve found buying things as an investment helps so a big paddling pool, balls and crafts they like. I also look out for things at charity shops.

Camping is such a fun thing to do, mine would love that!

If the kids are a bit older, send them on a scavenger hunt. If younger, you can still do this, but in a more limited way.

Make a list of all sorts of random things for them to find. They either photograph it (with them in the photo so it’s not googled) or bring it home. Or go GISHWHES and get them making videos of silly things - have a google of past GISHWHES tasks (Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World has Ever Seen).

You can have a LOT of fun with that. And if older, and you go down the latter route, you can give them a few days to complete it! Get them to recruit friends into a “team” to compete against each other.

Mine have been in holiday club for most of it as we're working, I've been taking them to the park after for a bit when it's been nice. Very rarely buy an ice cream from a van as we've got ice creams at home! I took the whole of Feb half term off and only did one paid activity (a inflatable park type place), the rest of the time it was playground, crafting, library, museum, indoor picnic, movie afternoon. I think it's got out of hand with pressure to be doing stuff all the time and tbh my kids don't even appreciate it that much - last time I paid ££££ to take them to the zoo they're favourite thing was the playground, I can take them the park for free!

Don’t feel pressured to spend your last £80 on days out and coffees and ice cream etc. make do with what you have at home. Will the food you have in last? Can you make a picnic without spending? If so go on a local walk with your picnic. There is nothing wrong with spending time at home and the kids being bored and forced to make their own fun- it’s good for them. Make dens with blankets, use up any craft supplies you have, play board games. Do they have unopened kits or sets from Christmas/ birthdays? Use stuff you already have.

I have also started to plan ahead for summer holidays by putting money away in small amounts do we can do more. Last year I started buying one extra treat snack a week in the weekly shop for the summer holidays e.g. popcorn, branded crisps, sweets etc and that came in handy.

That sounds fine OP! We've had one "big day out" this holiday - to a farm park that cost £70 for three of us but was a whole day out.

The rest of the time we've pottered about at home (lucky to have a garden), been to the library, the cheap farm, the duck pond, seen a family friend and been swimming. The swimming isn't cheap admittedly but it's not a huge day out either.

@ tnorfotkcab @Crikeyalmighty

Buy ice-cream all the time? I don't.

But as someone who has never had a lot of money to spare and who has been used to economising as a way of life, I recognise that it's natural to spend a little on a small treat if and when possible. It's when it becomes an expectation that it. If is no longer a treat.

I honestly didn't think I had said anything controversial by agreeing with OP how expensive things are these days ! It's a fact. And it's also a fact it is possible to give your children a happy and enjoyable holiday experience on a low budget. I didn't expect to be pilloried for saying I enjoy buying a small thing for my children.

Good weather, outside for a walk.
Teach them to garden? Plant seeds, plant vegetables to grow, learn how to identify and deal with weeds etc.
Bad weather, teach them how to dust. Have a decluttering session for toys and clothes they have grown out of. Help them organise their rooms.
Have a biscuit, scone or cake baking session & let them get hands-on, including tidying up afterwards!
Teach them how to make basics like soup, pasta or cheese sauce from scratch etc. If possible, make double quantities and freeze half for another day.
Get them to cut pictures out of magazines or brochures, select 4 to 6 at random and get them to write a story using the pictures as illustrations.
I would be inclined to avoid screens as much as possible and encourage mental & physical activity.
An interesting version of "I went shopping and I bought" is travel-related, so "I went to [insert city or country] and I packed...

But it's also possible to give them happy and enjoyable holidays without spending any extra money 🤷‍♀️
Yes, it's nice to buy an ice cream for our kids and whatever... But it's not essential to them having a great break.

People, such as the OP, are being misled into thinking the only way your child would have a nice time is if you spend money. Where as we all actually know the kids are happiest when no money is being spent.... for example, my 6yo will happily recount the time I let her sit in a puddle and how wet her wellies got, and she poured the water out and how she had to strip just inside the door and run upstairs for a warm shower.
Or the time she collected "hundreds" of snail shells on a walk or when she played exploring with her friend and the ended up crawling through hedges etc

Buying them an ice cream is nice, yes, but not essential to having a great time.

Please don't feel any guilt. Others have pointed out all the joys children can have without spending money.

Your children have already had a big trip - camping. A day out with friends is another great day.

In terms of the rest of the holidays. If we continue getting great weather it is so much easier to do very low cost/ free things. Especially if you can get a few friends in with it. Maximise parks, free museums and librarys, car park only pricing venues.

If you really want to do a day out look at country parks/ seaside or places where you only pay for car parking. Pack up food and drinks. I've found since COL has bitten and everyone is packing up the cost of drinks and ice cream at many venues has shot up. As a PP suggested, pop into a shop and grab a box of ice creams to share.

The key to keeping costs down but still getting some "big ticket" days out is planning. We do quite a few "big" days out, I have never paid full price for any of them. If we do a big ticket day then we are packing up and keeping the rest as cheap as possible - no gift shop for example.

Scour FB/ social media/ Groupon/ days out with kids ect for local venues and see if any of them are offering discounts, giveaways. If you have anything like NT/ EH/ Annual passes make sure you are fully using those for free days out. Also check term dates of neighbouring counties, for example our Easter holidays are a week earlier then our neighbouring counties, therefore last week we were able to go to an attraction for term time prices instead of Easter holiday prices. The same often happens in May and you often get a few days either side of the Summer holidays that are different - see if any of these days are still "term time pricing".

I agree with a PP suggestion of prepping for May and Summer holidays. Put x amount a week away if you can. Start looking at places you may like to visit and see if anywhere is offering early bird prices or is doing Groupon offers or very cheap open days. Having a few days already paid down in the Summer holidays is a huge help. If you are on social media following what's on in the local area pages for kids can really help you plan. Depending on kids ages and where you are, a NT pass can really help over the summer holidays - you can do a monthly DD and cancel it when no longer needed - they almost always have something on at most properties in the summer for kids.

Of course it is very possible to give them happy and enjoyable holidays without spending money.

And hearing about your little girls delight is truly life enhancing.

But I think it's a sad indictment of the society we live in that there is such disparity in life styles that some people have so much money to throw at their children and yet so many others are in the position of feeling guilty for not having even the smallest amount to treat theirs occasionally.

This comment is gold! And also spot on. 👌😃

I have money in thr bank but I am not planning to spemd more than 80 quid for the rest of the holidays.
Theres plenty to do for free and I am trying to save and not overspend at the moment.
We are doing parks, bike tracks, walks in the woods and games at home.
Buy the food you need to last you so you arent worrying about that. Work out what meals you will have between now and then.
Then plan one thing to do each day that is free. Library trip, parks, any free local museums or attractions, build dens in the woods, games at home, movie night.
We never went on any holidays as a child and stayed at home most days and i can say we had a lovely childhood. Tbh it inspired me to get a good job and travel as an adult

The best ever according to one of my children, over Easter was him and his friend digging a big hole one the beach. it took them 3 hours and they have great fun watch the sea take it back.

Kids not need expensive days out.

Not one penny was spent yesterday. they brought sandwiches and a drink with them

Also to add my kids favourite thing to do is build dens in the house out of furniture and sheets. You can create whole worlds in your own home out of stuff you have indoors.
Does your council have free activities for low income families too, ours has a whole selection on their website.

Not sure how old your kids are but my local family hub run by the council do free play sessions for children during holidays. Worth having a look on Facebook for your local hub.

Several local pools also have 10p swimming sessions for kids over holidays as another cheap day out. Might be another option to look into.

Most museums are free so we take a picnic and spend the day there with friends.

Don’t feel guilty, OP. As people have mentioned, there are loads of nice free things you can do, or you just chill out at home and let the kids relax and occupy themselves. We always used to do loads of expensive/big days out in the holidays and I felt so much pressure to entertain them or spoil them, and it was exhausting and expensive. Now we tend to do one big day but the rest of the time is low key stuff during the holidays and they go back to school feeling refreshed and like they’ve had a break. Most people I know aren’t doing continuous big days out.

100% agree.

A friend of mine goes away for the majority of the summer holidays. Various trips to different places with sometimes only 24 or 48 hour turnaround between trips. I used to feel guilty that my DC are not getting such a variety of experiences but I feel exhausted just thinking about her holiday schedule. Most people, including children, need some downtime. Same applies to big, expensive days out.

We're not doing anything expensive this week OP. We will be having a picnic in the garden today, going to the library tomorrow and then a nature walk over the weekend. On walks I make a list of things to try and find. You could write it on paper and give your kids a pencil to tick off the things.

And we will be doing some baking. Biscuits and fairy cakes. If you already have baking equipment its a cheap activity. If not you could just buy some icing pens and a pack of biscuits.

I only have one DD and no real money concerns but yesterday she was in garden with neighbours child and in/out each other houses all day, but mainly playing outside on climbing frame and trampoline we got her 6 months ago. Clocks have just gone back and she can actually see the garden now as otherwise it was too dark to play on it after school, and weekends we were often busy. It’s been a godsend. I worried she wouldn’t use it but it’s been great for the holidays and playing with neighbouring children. I realise this may not help you now or may not suit your home situation but I’d definitely recommend just playing with pals in garden/outside etc - even playing ipad side by side if need be if it’s something they don’t normally do. She doesn’t often get whole days to run and play with her friend so looks forward to holidays for this reason. Easter treats she’d been given were the snacks/treats.

Same goes with scooters/bikes etc - a few hours on this and then back to house for snacks and chilling on tv/ipad/movie for a bit. If they have a friend with them or pal they don’t often see go with it’s even better. I take DD on nearby trail on scooter/bike with friend and then stop and let them throw rocks
in river until they are bored. They love it! We often do this kind of stuff at the weekend but not often with friends, so it makes it feel different and more holiday special if that makes sense.

We are doing a big trip as well but honestly I asked DD what she wanted to do at start of hols and she said play with friend all day 😬

We need to go back to 80s/90s parenting. My mother wasn’t in a rush to spend loads on days out with me. I’d be in the street with my friends or we’d go over each others houses. I remember it well and loved it.
I have a bit less than you until next week, so I’ve planned to take my son up his pals tomorrow, and then to a local park Friday to see another friend. We’ll eat at home first and take sweets with us so I don’t need to get from the shop.
Being a parent comes with so much guilt doesn’t it! x