AIBU for staying in my car when an angry driver confronted me?

[OverthinkerExtrodinaire]

If you were sat in your car in a carpark after finishing your shopping and looked up to see an angry man who was the owner of the car parked directly in front, pink in the face, shouting "your car is touching my car" and asking you to get out of the car. What would you do?

My first reaction was fear.

I knew I hadn't bumped his car because I know I parked up very carefully and I would have noticed if I had touched another car.

When I got back, I was then sat in the car for a minute or two replying to a text, with the car switched off, handbrake on, so it certainly didn't ever veer in to this man's car afterwards either.

I didn't feel there was any reason to get out as I knew there was absolutely no damage or any contact with his car but I recognise this would have been the polite thing to do. At worst, my car must have been very close to his. Which isn't an issue in this kind of carpark as we will both be backing out of our spaces.

The main reason I didn't get out though was because I felt scared. I was on my own and this man looked and sounded angry!

I shouted from inside the car that my car was NOT touching his, and I left. I felt a bit shaky afterwards.

I then wake up to a public post on Facebook group from this man's wife saying "to the lady who bumped into my husband's car in your BRAND NEW car and then weren't kind enough to check for any damage...then drove off swearing at us bla bla blah..." (I said "oh sod off" or something like that, to myself, under my breath, as I drove off...my windows were up... He was obviously good at lipreading....oops! It was very very mild swearing. The sort of thing I'd say if the kids were in the car even. I'm not proud of this but I was just worked up.

Also my car is nowhere near brand new. I feel like that was added for dramatic effect?

I'm not sure why this guy got his wife to post this. There was no damage to his car because no such impact took place. There was not even a speck of damage on my car either BECAUSE IT NEVER TOUCHED HIS!!

Its made me think though... Should I have got out? The only things that stopped me were mainly fear and feeling threatened by this man as a lone woman...and knowing for a fact that my car had not bumped in to his.

Now I'm thinking I handled this badly. And there is now a public post accusing me of bumping into someone's car and making it sound like I left shouting expletives.

I feel so ashamed and upset by it because I'm generally quite a gentle shy person and would never dream of driving off if I had damaged anything..

So AIBU for not leaving the car to check for damage when I feel threatened by a man? Especially in the context of knowing there will be no damage.

You were quite right NOT to get out of the car.

If you were fearful then staying in the car is not unreasonable. However you have to accept that you cannot then claim to have definitely not hit his car without checking

I’m glad you’ve said that as I was starting to think the thread had taken a very different direction after I stopped reading! I know a few said to her to trust her gut, but the overwhelming majority said she was being weird!

If you're scared, you don't need to get out of the car. There are some unhinged people out there. My FIL got out of the car when a woman hit his car and she BIT him, yes BIT, in the middle of a city street. He had to get tested for hepatitis for months, have injections etc.

Let insurers know what happened and who cares what is said by the other party.

Im amazed HE didnt take a picture. Surely now that's the very first thing you would do. I suppose you could have asked him.to do that and show you while you remained in the car. Or you could have asked him to remain on the other side while you got out to look. I know bad things can happen but in a busy supermarket with cctv in broad daylight..someone upthread used the word 'terrified" three times in what she suggests you report to the police. I think that would be way OTT on all counts.

I would not get out with an angry man shouting at me. It’s likely the person parked in the spot before you bumped his car and took off.

Having slept on it I do think you should report him to the police.

Its not that easy to claim a random damaged your car. I had someone drive into the back of me, at first glance there was no damage but he told me what he'd done, took foot of brake in automatic, but then wouldn't engage when I tried to get his details. I noticed the damage in better lighting 5min later, my bumper had moved.
I'd taken a photo of his reg. It was an 18mth long fight with insurance before that was settled.

A parking incident much more difficult to establish who hit who especially if no witnesses and little damage. And your both denying who hit who.
So its unlikely the insurance would pursue it.

I also know someone killed with one punch with a road rage incident, so I definitely wouldn't be putting myself in the line of fire.

I would get out to take pitures to prove I hadn't hit his car.

Do you remember if he was there first or you?

ie. did he maybe bump you and then try to cover it up?

I once had a lady chase me around the turning circle at my child's school yelling that I'd hit her car (it had a massive scuff down the back door/wing). I knew I hadn't hit her. I did pull over and get out and show her that my car was entirely undamaged (and filthy - not even the dirt disturbed), that the paintwork on her car looked to me as though it had been taken off by a stone wall rather than another car (no paint transfer, and it was uneven).

We both took pictures, exchanged messages (with the pictures) and I never heard from her again - not even an apology (although I fully understand that she was panicking and upset, so I'd kept calm throughout and pointed out all the logic and reason that showed it wasn't me, so she was probably just embarrassed)

I'm confused - how did you see her Facebook when you don't know her?

No, not U to stay in your car when you're alone and a man's being aggressive.

Take a video on your phone of your car all the way around indicating no damage. Did you have a dashcam? If not you should get one for the future.

My gut feeling tells me they had damage to their car and are trying it. I mean, I don’t know how I’d react in that situation, but I would have wanted to take pictures / probably film him being abusive in case they reported my plate to their insurance.

It's possible you touched his car without noticing. If so, it must have been so lightly that it would be very unlikely to have caused any damage.

If it DID cause damage, then if I were him I would have noted your registration as you drove away, taken a picture and followed it up via insurance, not with a stupid facebook post.

And whether it caused damage or not, he had no right to be aggressive toward you. He could have just politely signaled to you and asked you to get out and have a look. If people are going to behave with unnecessary aggression rather than basic civility then others have every right to ignore them, regardless of the facts of the case and especially where male-female dynamics and perceptions of safety are involved.

You've clearly done nothing to his car or he would be doing something about it. The world is full of nutters, for many of whom their precious car is a peculiar focus of their nuttiness. Laugh it off and forget about it.

It was on the Facebook group for our town. I'm a member of it so I saw the post and kind of knew it was about me and the man who shouted was in the ladies profile photo

Thanks I have never been described as bizarre or arrogant.

I just genuinely thought if I nudged another car I would feel something, similar to when I feel something when I nudge the plastic barrier I sometimes lightly touch at work.

Happy to admit I may be wrong but at that moment, and feeling stressed perhaps not at my best, that's what I thought and believed. Maybe that was arrogant of me. Eek!

I still think it's very very likely I would notice any significant impact with another vehicle. Especially bearing in mind the shape of my car bonnet.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing

Getting out of your car would have been very unwise when confronted like that. Same would have been true for most men too. You very much did the right thing there.

Ideally, you'd have taken his details, but in such a stressful situation there is no way you could have done that.

Best advice is to contact the police.

Noticing a significant impact is entirely different from not noticing if you'd driven up to touch. But I've been hit twice by a vehicle where the driver didn't notice but I certainly did. And have seen several others similar knocks on CCTV (due a job I had that involved looking at accidents some of the time) with drivers who, judging from their behaviour, are oblivious to small knocks. It's surprising what people don't notice sometimes.

From what you've described, it sounds like the guy came back to his car to find another car touching it, he wouldn't know what the impact was like either, he just saw your car touching his (and behaved like a massive cock about it).

Of course the idea that it was you who hit his car (however slowly) is itself probably a big assumption. Was his car there first or did he hit yours? He could have driven up to touch your car without noticing too. I never register which car is in front of me when I park.

No, you were right not to get out. I did once drive into a van in front of me in a queue of traffic. I waited until I saw the reaction of the driver as he got out of the van. If he had been aggressive I'd have sat with my window up and exchanged details through it. Fortunately he was a young man and had a relaxed demeanour I could see as soon as he got out. I was very apologetic, we exchanged details and took photos. There was no damage to the van, I just cracked my own numberplate.

My current car would be shuddering, braking, and beeping at me if I got near another car, it would definitely let me know if I'd made contact!

She probably posted it on a local group. Someone posted a photo of me "not picking up after my dog" one time. My female dog had only done a wee and I got to educate them about female dog anatomy. Absolute nut job. I also got the post removed.

That said, I wouldn't say anything if they haven't posted a photo.

No I unfortunately have no idea whether it was him or me there first. Which is annoying!!

By significant I just mean something that would likely make a visible mark on another car.

I just made the assumption I would notice if my car touched his because I notice when my car has (even very lightly) touched things before due to the shape of the front of my car.

As someone has mentioned to me though, touching a car lightly may go un noticed as the car may move slightly. I still think I would notice though to be honest. Maybe not if driving with the radio on but when parking slowly and carefully and all is quiet?

The main reason for not checking though was feeling under threat. Thinking I most likely hadn't even touched his car (and knowing I definitely hadn't bumped it) was a secondary reason to be honest...

To be fair I did do this in my local Tesco, I touched the car in front. I didn’t notice, my teenage son didn’t notice either and the parking sensor didn’t go off.

We didn’t realise until the man approached my son, who was still sitting in the car. My so phoned me to tell me and I was thinking there was no way I touched his car, this is a scam. But I actually had, I could then feel it when I reversed back. But no damage either cars thankfully and the man was very nice about it. I was scared coming back to the car though

Haha yes this has definitely taught me not to believe some of the ranting local Facebook posts! I certainly won't be posting any supporting remarks on any in future! 😂

Oh really that's interesting to know. Now you're making me feel bad for not getting out to check. Oh noooo 🫣🫣

I definitely didn't feel anything at all when I reversed though....

Still..he should have been less scary about it!!

Best answer! Did you check your car later,OP?

Yes. Absolutely not a speck of damage on it.