AIBU for staying in my car when an angry driver confronted me?

[OverthinkerExtrodinaire]

If you were sat in your car in a carpark after finishing your shopping and looked up to see an angry man who was the owner of the car parked directly in front, pink in the face, shouting "your car is touching my car" and asking you to get out of the car. What would you do?

My first reaction was fear.

I knew I hadn't bumped his car because I know I parked up very carefully and I would have noticed if I had touched another car.

When I got back, I was then sat in the car for a minute or two replying to a text, with the car switched off, handbrake on, so it certainly didn't ever veer in to this man's car afterwards either.

I didn't feel there was any reason to get out as I knew there was absolutely no damage or any contact with his car but I recognise this would have been the polite thing to do. At worst, my car must have been very close to his. Which isn't an issue in this kind of carpark as we will both be backing out of our spaces.

The main reason I didn't get out though was because I felt scared. I was on my own and this man looked and sounded angry!

I shouted from inside the car that my car was NOT touching his, and I left. I felt a bit shaky afterwards.

I then wake up to a public post on Facebook group from this man's wife saying "to the lady who bumped into my husband's car in your BRAND NEW car and then weren't kind enough to check for any damage...then drove off swearing at us bla bla blah..." (I said "oh sod off" or something like that, to myself, under my breath, as I drove off...my windows were up... He was obviously good at lipreading....oops! It was very very mild swearing. The sort of thing I'd say if the kids were in the car even. I'm not proud of this but I was just worked up.

Also my car is nowhere near brand new. I feel like that was added for dramatic effect?

I'm not sure why this guy got his wife to post this. There was no damage to his car because no such impact took place. There was not even a speck of damage on my car either BECAUSE IT NEVER TOUCHED HIS!!

Its made me think though... Should I have got out? The only things that stopped me were mainly fear and feeling threatened by this man as a lone woman...and knowing for a fact that my car had not bumped in to his.

Now I'm thinking I handled this badly. And there is now a public post accusing me of bumping into someone's car and making it sound like I left shouting expletives.

I feel so ashamed and upset by it because I'm generally quite a gentle shy person and would never dream of driving off if I had damaged anything..

So AIBU for not leaving the car to check for damage when I feel threatened by a man? Especially in the context of knowing there will be no damage.

There doesn't seem to be an option to do that when I press reply?

I've not read the whole thread but the OP did say that she'd just got back into her car with her shopping, and was sitting replying to a text when this man approached.
Has anyone considered that she might have been in her parking space BEFORE he was? Then, if so, it would be his car touching hers (that's IF the cars were even touching)

OP you said you had to be a member of the group to respond but now say you are a member.

You also edited when we arrived to when I arrived

Were you there alone? What time did this occur?

Gosh this is like being under investigation! Eek!

Firstly yes I am a member of the Facebook group that's why I saw the post!!

What I was saying is I can't reply anonymously because I would have to be a member of the group under another name!! I wouldn't just be able to sign up to Facebook as someone else and reply. There definitely doesn't seem to be an option to reply logged in as me but anonymously as someone has suggested.

And yes I edited we to I because I accidentally put we whilst quickly typing a message..on autopilot.. when it was just me. I didn't want it to sound like there was more than one person so I corrected it. I do apologise for that. I edited it VERY soon after.

Gosh I think being on here is a bit stressful sometimes!!!

My borther in law is a mechanic and VERY VERY PRECIOUS about his cars. He would never and has never threatened a woman over something like this because it is possible to be very precious about ones cars and also not be an arsehole with anger management problems.

Also, his wife isnt very bright either. How does she know "the person who was sainsburys at 1pm today" (or whatever it was) even has facebook? Does't she know people are leaving social media in droves? It's hardly a thorough way of dealing with it, is it? You'd go to the police if you wanted to be thorough. But they didnt - she just wanted to be a dickhead like her husband.

Also - get dashcams installed. Some record continuously even when parked and some start recording when you start the engine (you could always start the engine if you want to capture something)

Also don't reply to it. Just leave it.

In your shoes, I’d report it to the police so there is a record of what happened. It may amount to nothing but, if this angry driver attempts to claim (tracing you via your registration number) or reports that you get the scene of an accident, you’ll have got in there first.

I once witnessed an accident between two other vehicles and continued to drive home. One of the drivers followed me home and, outside my house, angrily accused me of “bumping” him into the car in front. I denied it but gave him my insurance details anyway.

It shook me up so I attended the police station and reported the incident. It transpired that the owner of the vehicle he’d impacted hadn’t managed to get his registration number before he’d chased after me. When she later contacted the police, they were able to give her the information I’d provided and he eventually got fined for leaving the scene of an accident and driving without insurance.

I read that thread too. It was about etiquette and how ideally men should not follow a lone woman down the street etc but cross the road to make it clear to her that they are not a threat. And yes, that a woman should always trust her instincts, which is correct, because instincts are what we use to navigate the world and keep us safe, emotionally and physically.

It is possible to damage another car and not feel the bump. I was parallel parking on our street once in the other side of the road from dh car. Got out and walked to our house and noticed Dh’s car had a scrape on the side. Told dh when I got in and he went out and found I had corresponding damage on the front corner of my car. The scrapes matched up totally. I didn’t feel a thing.

saying that I would not have got out the car while someone was screaming at me.

Doesn't it depends on the type of car park? Going back in the shop could be a long walk with some kind of maniac shouting at you. I do see your point but also do think a man shouting at a lone woman in a car park is not analogous to the post you are referring to. Poster felt uncomfortable and the fact it has ended up on social media tends to confirm her feeling. What if she got out, he accused her of damage which was there previously and she disagreed? Given he's already shouting?

Does this group not have an arrow near the “comment as” that allows you to pick anonymous instead of yourself? Mine does.

if the insurance or police contact you state that you were scared and he was threatening and that’s why you drove away, for your safety and also you don’t believe you did hit it.

as people have said, you may know or you may not. There was a post on my local Facebook where a lady with an MG (apparently known for bad sensors) had scraped their car while trying to park. They thought it was odd that she had caused the damage but stayed parked there and not driven off. Turned out she had no idea but the entire side of their car was damaged. I assume you have more about you than her 🤣

also, this post has made it to Facebook. If you have any concerns about identifying posts in the same username then please ask Mumsnet to change the name on this thread or resolve another way.

Do your own post "to the aggressive man who thinks its ok to hit a women's car and then be aggressive to her" then reply to his wife's post and ask her if she's ok and offer to help her escape him if she feels she needs to.

What on Earth are you talking about, you know when you've hit a car.

The amount of people on here confidently stating they could drive into something and not feel it is genuinely concerning.
Also, if they were touching and you felt nothing, I'd suspect he'd tried to move his car and done it whilst you weren't there.
If it happens again, start live streaming their behaviour to social media whilst laughing.

Did the Faceboook post include a picture of his car or your car?
If not, how can you be sure the post is about you?

I wouldn’t have got out if by myself and a man was shouting at me.

I would video you car or take pics showing no scrapes so you have proof and report him to the police.

I never engage with angry men, it's never worth it. Any man who behaves like this is potentially dangerous and out of control. Women should ALWAYS pay attention to their gut reaction to a male. Until they stop assaulting, raping and killing us. They are a threat. Respect yourself for paying attention to your feelings and keeping yourself safe, its always the right thing to do especially if you are alone and a man is appearing angry or threatening. 💐💐

No, you were being wise. Any woman who thinks a man isn't capable of assaulting a lone woman in daytime has lived a very sheltered life. I was assaulted last summer by a male in a busy town centre park and no one did anything.

No I can't see any option for that. I wonder if the Facebook group settings don't allow it?
I've never seen an anonymous reply or post on that group before....
I'm fairly certain I'd rather not reply now anyway. Annoying as it is!!

I'm surprised at this too.

Again this morning ( for my peace of mind and curiosity ) I tried very slowly driving up to the bollard at work at touching it really lightly with the front of my car, and I felt a definite feeling of resistance, a little bump...and that's with the lightest touch.

It does make me worry though all the posts saying I could have hit him and not realised!!!

Yes some groups are fussy about it and don’t allow it. I’d keep an eye on the post but I’m sure it’ll be better to ignore too.

I wouldn't have hesitated to get out and look.
In my opinion, a man is far more likely to assault a fellow man than a woman and anyway, you were in a very public space.

But that's by the by and in the past.

I would not personally want to comment on a FB post or he'd know who I am, but I'd definitely get someone else to (or use a fake account if thats possible).

Oh gosh this happened to me many years ago on a little high street. I wound down my window but the guy was absolutely fuming - spitting and literally screaming at me. He had who I now know to be his grown up son with him, so there was no way I was sticking around. I got myself together and drove off and I either called the police or they called me. The fact was I’d done absolutely nothing wrong but the guy in question lived there and was always having parking issues. He phoned the police afterwards to kind of hand himself in because he realised he’d gone too far. But wow, he was snarling. Anyway, my point is that this guy might have some sort of hang up from a previous experience. Idk if I would have got out to be polite in your case, depends how many people around etc. How strange that the woman mentioned a brand new car!

You should have got out OP. I’m sorry but you needed to either observe whatever ‘damage’ he is saying was done, or point out that there was no damage and the cars were not in fact touching. And if it’s the latter, I’d have taken a picture. If he was really that terrifying I’d have asked him to show me a picture of the cars touching. Not a picture of the damage, because he could be trying to pull a fast one and claim you caused damage that was in fact done at another place at time by someone else. Or him.
At the end of the day the onus is on him to prove your car caused damage to his. The existence of damage won’t in itself be sufficient. If it never happened, then he won’t have proof and is just trying to scare you. But for me, if there was even the tiniest bit of doubt, and to prove I was in the right, I’d have called his bluff and got out the car to look. Maybe he thought by shouting and screaming you would be too scared to get out.