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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think “he’s in a better place” was inappropriate?

179 replies

Homer2 · 07/04/2026 10:59

Does anyone think this is an ok thing to say to someone? I’m baffled as to why she would’ve said it. Someone has just come back to work after compassionate leave because they just lost their dad, and my colleague said to them “he’s in a better place for sure” HUH? I really think thats an insensitive thing to say

OP posts:
Tryagain26 · 10/04/2026 10:00

blubberball · 08/04/2026 16:13

What is the right thing to say? I usually say "I'm sorry for your loss" is that acceptable?

For me yes. But apparently for some people no.
Maybe better to say I was sorry to hear about x
And then ask them how they are.

ThingsAreNotWhatTheyWere · 10/04/2026 10:09

As others have said, I think there needs to be an element of looking at general context and intent here. It would be a strange/inappropriate thing to say if someone has died suddenly or unexpectedly, but if someone has died after an illness, it's an acknowledgement of the loss and an attempt to bring some comfort that the person is no longer suffering. As already said, better than saying nothing - people generally mean well in these situations and aren't deliberately trying to cause offense or upset.

CatA27 · 10/04/2026 10:54

JumpinJehoshaphat · 07/04/2026 11:11

It’s incredibly insensitive, and the presumption that you must be Christian is just ignorant.

Why is there a presumption of Christianity? I would take it as not in pain anymore. I dont think there is anything someone can say to someone grieving that will.actually provide comfort unless they are religious.

FoolOfShips · 10/04/2026 11:02

CatA27 · 10/04/2026 10:54

Why is there a presumption of Christianity? I would take it as not in pain anymore. I dont think there is anything someone can say to someone grieving that will.actually provide comfort unless they are religious.

Not to mention that Christianity is not the only faith that believes in an afterlife. Happy to be corrected but I would assume all established religious faiths have an afterlife of some description, that's part of the point of them.

But, as you say, it could also mean - at peace, free of pain - even if your belief is that there is no form of conscious existence after death.

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