AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

[Beautifulsiro56]

Males working in my cbildrends nursery- makes me feel so uncomfortable
Why would a male want to work in a nursery? Most nursery abuse cases are men.
Men shouldn't be allowed to work in nurseries? AIBU

This isn't AIBU.

And you've asked two different questions.

Are you being unreasonable to feel uneasy? No.

Are you being unreasonable to suggest that all men be banned from working in nurseries? Yes.

How to get over the uneasy feeling?
Thank you- this helps rationalise!

I think women have abused children too. Men working in nurseries is no different to men that are primary school or secondary school teachers.

True!

There is a male worker in my daughter’s nursery. It makes me feel very uneasy.

How do you deal.with this

It's almost exclusively men who are sexually abusing babies and toddlers in nursery though. Several in the last year or too, abuse reported in Australian and French nurseries too.

OP, listen to your gut. If you feel uneasy, don't leave your child with those men.

Male worker in DD nursery too, non issue as he is qualified / checked by DBS etc the same as the females. I think it helps having a male EY worker in a nursery as it gives positive male role models, helps challenge stereotypes and supports children in seeing that caring roles are for everyone. They can also bring different play styles and perspectives, which enrich learning and help create a more balanced, diverse environment that reflects real life.

My DH also likes the dynamic as he doesn’t feel as uncomfortable asking questions about things relating to DD.

DD certainly seems to enjoy having Colin in her playroom as he does tend to lead more outdoor activities and she adores being outside.

Of course men should be allowed to work in nurseries. Why are men primary school teachers or pediatricians? For the same reason women work in nurseries, schools or children's areas of hospitals I imagine.

Some men do abuse children in their care but some women also do the same as different types of abuse exist. Safeguarding needs to be improved across the board and banning men doesn't properly address the issue, it puts a plaster on it and doesn't prevent all types of abuse either.

I wouldn’t risk my children with a male nursery nurse.

I come from a village where a whole class of boys were molested in the early 90s. It destroyed us all.

Best staff in my childrens' nuseries were men. I think a lot of children benefit from having both female and male staff around in nurseries. It's about safeguarding.

If we want to send men the very clear message that caring for children is strictly women's work, and so they are neither trusted nor expected to ever do a single thing in looking after or supervising little ones, then banning them from working in nurseries is the perfect way to kick off this social mindset.

I'm sure there are loads of men out there who would jump at the chance to go out to the pub with their mates every night whilst the missus never gets a single opportunity to go out with her friends, because they have a young child or two... and it's not as if he could (or should even want to) look after them, is it...?

What people should remember is that CRB/DBS are only reliable if that person has no prior record. It doesn't mean they are 'fail safe' it means what it says on the tin. But it's the best that anyone can come up with as a security against a worker who could have prior.

I have four to my name over the years (my background is that I worked as administrator in both adult and CYPF backgrounds and a minute taker for a P.O.T team) and the checks are seen as a 'golden standard' but it means jack, in reality.

I do believe that there is a massive benefit to children for males to work in nurseries because children can benefit from a different style of interaction and it challenges the perception that children may have that only women should have nurturing roles. Also some children may have single sex mums or have no male father figure in their lives so in those instances male nursery workers are extremely important for a balance.

I think the advantages far outweigh the risks and in reality males are no more risky than females.

I would never put my dcs in a nursery with male staff.

It may well be unfair of me but for me, the risks are way too high.

I don't think it goes 1 for 1 either - as in, for every male who abuses a woman does too.

A man working in that environment seems wrong/odd to me.

You had some valid points ip until your last one which is completely untrue.

It’s up to you if you don’t want to leave your child with a man, you’ll need to go elsewhere. Unreasonable to think men should be banned from nurseries/childcare settings though.

Men in primary schools are good role models. Men in nurseries are a potential danger. The statistics prove it particularly if you exclude the trans women from these stats. The unease is a normal nurture biological reaction. Trust your instincts.

People always trot out (1) it’s just like primary school (2) kids need male role models, (3) we need to show that caring for kids isn’t women’s work. All of these are wrong/bad reasons.

(1) primary school kids can talk; primary school teachers are not involved in close proximity with the children’s genitals.

(2) nursery age children don’t need male role models - in the vast majority of cases they won’t remember who cared for them at preschool and in majority of cases will have other male carers in their lives in any event. Plenty of time for male role models in school and extra-curriculars later.

(3) show who? In the sad reality where these jobs are very attractive to predators/paedos who want to gain access to kids, I’d rather not use my own precious children as ideological Guinea pigs to prove some point about gender equality.

Of course I don’t think that all male nursery workers are abusers but the likelihood that they are is much higher than for females. I wouldn’t take that risk with my kids and so would never send my kids to a nursery with male staff. Tbh I didn’t use a nursery anyway (other than preschool attached to a school) because I think they are suboptimal for childcare; I would never have entertained a male nanny for my children.

Men won’t be banned but fortunately are few in number so you’ll just have to find a nursery where there are no men OP.

If you're uneasy, you need to find a new centre. It's important that children learn that men care for children too. If we exclude men from caring at different levels, then can we complain when they don't feel safe enough to step up and be involved with children?

As a woman, I've even become more wary of offering help and care to people's children. I just don't, where I often did before. The village doesn't feel protected, so do it on your own.

Best staff in my childrens' nuseries were men

What makes you say that?

Should this apply to all primary school teachers too!

On one hand, you get posts after posts complaining that father's are not involved enough with their toddlers, but when you get j'en who actualky enjoy toddlers, they are made to gave ulterior motives. Madness.

Why can't men happen to just really enjoy the company of toddlers? My daughters boyfriend was brilliant with kids of all ages and was a fantastic older brother to his younger siblings. That's just who he was. During college and uni, he was a gymnastic teacher and yes, choc horror, loved working with the youngest kids. They absolutely loved him and so did the parents.

I sent my kids to a wonderful nursery staffed by a married couple and their two adult kids, one male and one female. My kids adored those 2 men and I never had any concerns about them.

My good friend is male and works in a nursery - his other job is being a children’s party entertainer and an amateur comedian - the comedian job and party entertainer job isn’t really enough as a full time job - so a nursery makes total sense as an extra job 🤷‍♀️ he obviously enjoys working with kids if he does kids entertainment !! So I don’t understand why it’s weird that he might also enjoy a job working with children in another job in a nursery! (He’s Also a dad of a little girl)

Strange attitude

YABU, paranoid and weird. HTH