AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

[Cathryoi]

Hi all, so my DS is 23, 24 in August. He’s in the first year of his training contract on the path to becoming a qualified solicitor we are very proud of him.
He has been with his girlfriend who is 22, almost 23 since they were 15/16 (she was in Y11 and he Y12). They got engaged over a year ago and are getting married in the summer.

I feel so sad that they will be both so young while getting married, at just 23! I’m also quite sad that DS is giving up his name entirely in favour of her late mums maiden name (she’s also giving up her current surname).
They aren’t having a massive wedding or anything but I just imagined life a bit differently for them.

AIBU to feel sad they are getting married so young and sad that DS is giving up his name entirely?

All children grow into adults who leave home and live their own lives. My adult children included. Your son has got a great job, a steady relationship that’s about to turn into marriage, life is good. The name change is what it is, it’s something they’ve decided together. They’re at the beginning of their journey, be happy for them, we were all young once. The only reason I can think of that I wouldn’t like a name change is for the family name to live on through children…we have all boys and my husband is rather proud that his family name lives on….but if that’s not issue , then I can’t see what difference it really makes. Sure it’s his history and name with you, but he’s embarking on a whole new family and history. I’m sure you’ll get used to it all , best wishes to you all 💐

He’s not that young!
He has a good job, he’s been with her years. I can’t think of a reason why they shouldn’t marry. I got married younger than your son. Still very happily married.
And taking a new surname is no big deal at all.

DH and I were married when we were just 24. (he was 24 the week before our wedding). We've been married nearly 40 years now and together for 45. Looking back on all those happy years together, all the adventures and the ups and downs of life, all I can say is that it's a privilege to have so long together and I would do it all over again.

It's a good thing OP. They can experience all their lives together. When you meet someone you love isn't that all you can wish for?

They sound like nice young people to me

He’s working, they have been together a long time. Engaged over a year it sounds like a good point to marry.
Due to his professional life he’ll be aware of differences of marriage v cohabitation (maybe just where I’ve worked over years but I’ve usually found solicitor colleagues opt to marry not cohabit)
I would wish them well and enjoy the wedding.

It's lovely they are choosing a new name together. He sounds great.

I know quite a few married in their 20s, including DH and ai. When you know you know. Good luck to them both.

My parents got married when my dad was 22 and my mum was 24, they celebrated their golden anniversary last year, I went to school with a couple who got married when they were both 19, they celebrated their silver anniversary 3 years ago.

24 isn't young.

No she studied Philosophy, then Philosophy of Theology is her masters. No idea what she intends to do exactly.

I think part of the reason they are keeping her mums surname is because her mum was an Italian migrant and they want to stay connected to her mums heritage.

I also believe the reason they are getting married so young is partially religious. His fiancé is a devout Catholic, attends mass weekly and 2 years ago my DS was baptised and confirmed etc. and now also attends mass weekly.

I was pregnant and married at 23yo. Which I was perfectly happy about. Still married 25 years later. Your life doesn’t end when you’re married. Surnames are just a label. Changing it means nothing.

Marrying around one's 24th birthday is not really young. We need to get past this extended Peter Pan-isation of things. And people changing their surnames when they marry is hardly unusual. Granted, I can see why one might be less likely to expect this in a son, but we live in a society where we're all better off not getting disappointed about that kind of thing.

I feel for her (your son's partner) in losing her mum at a young age and not being able to have her at the wedding. I hope you'll step up and and be a nice mother-in-law for her.

I was 21 when I got married , been together ,40+ years he's an adult , be happy for him

How do you actually feel about them as a couple? They've been together a long time, are they well matched? Some people do just meet someone they can happily spend all their life with earlier than others. Please don't let him know how you feel. We got married at 23 and 24 and my mother in law cried and told everyone how my husband was ruining his life and I was trapping him into marriage when he was too young to know what he was doing, he then didn't speak to her for 5 years. Her only issue with me that we could tell was he moved away from home to be with me (I had a permenant job, he did not and his area was struggling more economically so it made sense he be the one to move) and our age. Still happily together 18 years later and married longer than she was, but her feelings about us caused a lot of issues in their relationship for over a decade. She has since apologised but life would have been better for all if she'd at least pretended to be happy for him. Your feelings are valid, you're entitled to feel how you want, but process them away from him.

The name wouldn’t bother me but getting married at 23 to someone been with from school would

I know a few couple they hit there 40’s and one of them feels they’ve never lived and missed out on late teenage early 20’s life experiences and the marriage hits the rocks

I was 22 when we married, DW was 21. We celebrated our 30th anniversary last year. Wouldn't change it even if I could turn back time. Be happy that they're happy.

23 isn't that young to be getting married. Nothing wrong with marrying at that age either. It's not like he is jumping into a new relationship, they've been together ages. Why do have problem with him changing his surname?

They are not that young and so what if he changes his name on marriage.

Did you keep your surname OP?

My inlaws got married at 21 and 26 respectively, having been together for 3 years, and will celebrate their diamond wedding anniversary this year. They're perfect for each other, really sweet together and have over 60 years' worth of memories created together travelling, hiking, camping and climbing all over the UK , Europe and quite a bit elsewhere in the world. They also managed to raise a good 'un that I've been with for over 15 years (married for 10).

I do like the girl, she’s very intelligent and I think she is lovely. I guess I just worry he’s rushing into a quiet life and not living much first. She did a year abroad with her uni degree where as he didn’t so I feel she’s maybe experienced more and they should hold off until they’ve both experienced the world before making a massive commitment like marriage.

I married at 22 because we were from different countries and marrying while dh was studying in europe at 24 made it easier for us to return to uk under eu freedom of movement law. I gained my eu residence card when the uk voted for brexit but was able to gain settled status. In retrospect, it was good i did what i did as nigel farage wants to revoke indefinite leave to remain so if i didnt do it this way i could well be deported as my country doesnt allow dual citizenship.

I only had DS 1 year shy of my 10 year wedding anniversary so marrying early didnt mean having a child early, i was 32.

What is it that you imagined for him? He would leave this girl, meet a lawyer and marry her in 10 years and she would take your name?

They can have lots of experiences together.

I d be proud I’d raised a man who was not afraid of commitment, had a great career planned and was taking his soon to be wife very seriously with the name change.
Be happy! He’s 23 not 18.

I’d be more worried about the devout Catholicism to be honest. But I suspect the reglion Is part of this.

on saying that my friends child is getting married and is 23, she’s 21. They feel the same, neither are religious, but honestly they are great together, in it for the long term so my view is be happy for them.

I did :). Been together over 40+ years. As did our school mates who we are still friends with